Aimless Victory (Mass Effect Barrier Book 1)
by LJAndersen
Summary: Commander Shepard, Savior of the Galaxy, has escaped death twice. She should be the Alliance's risen star. Instead her celebrity threatens the Alliance leadership, who will do what it takes to push her out, including using broken fraternization regs. Shepard can only make a difference by playing their games and putting away the past, including Kaidan Alenko.
1. Chapter 1

Aimless Victory

(Barrier Book 1)

 _Human Systems Alliance_

 _The Uniform Code of Military Justice_

 _UCMJ Articles 77-134: Punitive articles of military law for offenses that, if violated, can result in punishment by court martial._

 _Article 134-23: Fraternization – Personal relationships between officers that are unduly familiar and prejudicial to good order and discipline or that are service discrediting are prohibited. Dating, shared living accommodations, intimate or sexual relationships, commercial solicitation, and private business partnerships are considered unduly familiar and violate the long-standing tradition of the armed services. A relationship is considered fraternization even when parties are in different organizational and chain of command lines. Conduct, which constitutes fraternization, is not excused or mitigated by subsequent marriage of offending parties._

 _(1)_ _That the accused was a Humans System Alliance commissioned or warrant officer_

 _(2)_ _That the accused fraternized with one or more Human System Alliance commissioned or warrant officer(s) and/or enlisted member(s)_

 _(3)_ _That the accused then knew the person to be a Human System Alliance commissioned or warrant officer(s) and/or enlisted member(s)_

 _(4)_ _That such fraternization violated the custom of Human System Alliance regulations that members shall not fraternize_

 _(5)_ _That under the circumstances, the conduct of the accused was to the prejudice of good order and discipline in the armed services_

 _Violations of such regulations, directives, or orders are punishable, with or without verbal reprimand, by an order to cease, reassignment, denial of a promotion, demotion, and court martial. Maximum punishment will not be greater than dismissal barring reenlistment, forfeiture of pay and allowances, and confinement for two years._

Such punishments generally signal the end of a Human Systems Alliance military career.

Prologue

Rain poured outside the hospital window. Shepard stared through the running glass at the charred husks of Vancouver skyscrapers. Silhouettes of lifting cranes moved in the gray skyline. Down below, umbrellas hurried on pedestrian walkways as a single car idled waiting for the intersection's light to change. Her view was momentarily eclipsed by a passing shuttled as it rumbled by so slowly it had to be looking for one of the hospital landing pads. Behind Shepard, the hospital room's door opened with a vacuumed hiss. Heels clicked across the tile to her bed.

"Not getting out of bed again today?" Miranda said.

Shepard stared at the streams of rain on the window.

"Well?" Miranda said rounding the foot of the bed.

Shepard folded the pillow under her head and tucked her hands beneath.

She sighed. "I've gotten up."

"More than just the bathroom?"

"Yes." Shepard flicked her eyes down to Miranda. "Filled my own sippy cup, even went down the hall for ice."

"Oh, well, then."

Miranda slid her hand along the hospital bed's railing until she loomed over Shepard. She snatched the sippy cup off the rolling table at the head of the bed. She sloshed it around, frowned down at Shepard, and taped it back onto the metal table top.

"What?" Shepard said. "You think I'm lying? Ice melts you know."

"Must have been a while ago. Only got ice once? And, it's full. You haven't been drinking it?"

Shepard nodded up at the IV dripping above. "Got it coming by vein. By mouth's a lot more work."

"And, you're not going to work for anything?" Miranda put both hands on the railing and stared down at her. "You want me to bring in your medals and a fish bowl? Maybe hang a few pictures up on the wall? No reason to ever leave."

"My medals were on the Normandy."

Miranda tapped her fingernails on the railing and nodded with pressed lips.

"Okay." Miranda shoved away from the rail.

She grabbed the back of a chair sitting against the wall. The metal legs skipped across the tiled flooring until she reached the head of Shepard's bed. Shepard lifted her head off the pillow. Her eyes widened watching Miranda settle into the seat.

"What? No," Shepard said.

"Here." Miranda leaned over and clicked a button on the side of the bed.

The bed hummed. Shepard sat forward and swung her head back to watch the pillow rise with the head of her bed.

"I can get more ice," Shepard said snapping her head back to Miranda.

Miranda pulled her fingers off the button after a moment and sat back. She gave Shepard a dull, level look.

"Just sit back," she said.

"You want ice too?" Shepard scooted up and threw the blanket off her feet. "What are you drinking, Miranda? Got tap or filtered."

Miranda folded her arms and cocked her head. "You brought it up."

"Because that's where my medals are. Just correcting the sarcastic dig."

"Let's talk about the Normandy. It's why you're still in here, isn't it? Staring forlornly out the window."

"Forlornly?" Shepard sputtered. "Please."

"You've been like this for months, ever since you woke up. We don't know anything yet. The Normandy could be out there, maybe stranded on the other side of some distant relay."

Shepard folded her hands in her lap and matched Miranda's level stare. She didn't say anything.

"You know, you're lucky to be alive."

"I know that."

"Then stop mopping and work on getting out of here."

Shepard rested her head back on the pillow and sighed. "Fine. I'll get ice more often."

"That's not what I mean."

"Then what?" Shepard sat forward. "You want me running laps by next week? Tossing boulders around, climbing cliffs, jumping rooftops, doing jumping jacks?"

Miranda sat silent and stared at Shepard with an unchanged expression.

"Done?" Miranda asked.

"Two hundred chin ups?"

"Shepard." Miranda scooted her chair closer to Shepard's growly sigh. "Shepard, you're a strong person. This isn't you."

"It's the new me." Shepard's forehead pinched as she picked at a cuticle. She didn't say anything more but neither did Miranda. Finally, Shepard sighed. "I don't know, Miranda. This has … I feel weak and left open. Didn't know I was giving myself a damned kill switch. Mindoir, Akuze, I came out stronger. But now with Kaid—the Normandy, I don't know."

"You'll get back up. You're expecting too much."

"I've become this irrational weakling, emotional and feeble. There's this weakness in me."

"We all have weaknesses. Losing people we care about is a weakness everyone carries."

"No." Shepard pressed fingers to her pinched lips and shook her head. "No, that's not true. I've lost people before – my parents, best friends, comrades, mentors - nothing …" She gasped against her fingertips and squeezed her eyes shut. "Nothing like this. It's not the losing part."

Miranda sighed. Her chair scrapped back. A touch hesitated on Shepard's shoulder then moved to her back. A stiff palm rested between her shoulder blades. Miranda cleared her throat.

"It will be … It's okay. Time. That sort of thing."

"And the geth too," Shepard mumbled.

"Geth?" Miranda's palm tapped her back. "Now you're just letting this upset spread into everything." Shepard shook her head inhaling a sharp breath. Miranda's hand tapped faster and her boots creaked as she shifted on her feet.

The hospital room door clicked. Shepard's spine straightened. The doors hissed open, and she scrubbed roughly at her face with both hands. She slowed her breathing dropping her hands to her side and turned to the door with a smoothed expression.

Admiral Hackett shifted in the open doorway. Shepard's stomach went up her throat. He glanced back at the hallway before taking a single step in.

"Is this a bad time?" His eyes went to Miranda.

Miranda didn't answer though and gave Shepard a sharp pop on the back with her palm. Shepard pulled her shoulders back and nodded at him with a pulled-up smile.

"Perfect time. It's fine," Shepard said.

"Good, good." A smile grew across his face, and he stepped further in. "I have some good news for you, Commander."

Shepard kept her smile fixed as he stopped by the side of her bed. He was practically beaming. Shepard's pulse beat in her ears, and she gripped the rail of the hospital bed.

"We got word," Hackett said. "Ship to ship. She's light years out, but she's safe. The Normandy's on her way home."

Chapter 1

"What happens now?" Shepard leaned back in her chair.

Sunlight spilled over the patio's cafeteria tables. Alliance Headquarters bustled in the background beyond the patio's open door. Alliance officers and Council diplomats rushed between appointments and endless conferences. A salarian argued into a short-range comm in his ear as he dodged around a group of elcor. The elcor gazed through the hallway's glass walls and beyond the patio. They'd been there for a while drinking in the Vancouver skyline. Seemed like a boring drink. They couldn't even see the ocean from that angle. A shuttle passed in the distance adding to the clamor of feet and voices. It wasn't the comforting roar and hum of a ship's engine, but at least it was sound. Anything was better than silence.

"What happens now?" Kaidan repeated sitting across the table. He shrugged. "We rebuild. Everyone gets home. Eventually."

The coffee at his elbow sat untouched. It wasn't steaming anymore, even with the cool air coming off the bay.

Shepard nodded idly and gazed out over the horizon. "Ten months, Kaidan. Long time not dropping anchor. You all right?"

"Yeah," he said. "Long time to ration though. Never cared about a can of peaches so much."

"I heard what you did - pulling the crew together, taking command."

He shrugged. "Everyone did their part. Tali and that flotilla workaround for the fuel. Joker measuring, charting the discharge stops. Dr. Chakwas. Any one of us, we wouldn't have made it back."

"Still," Shepard glanced at him, "a good leader knows how to use the team, make the calls. You kept everyone from killing each other. Talking to Garrus, it sounds like that wasn't far off."

"Well," Kaidan paused. "Thanks."

Shepard drummed her fingers on the chair's narrow metal armrest and concentrated on the table's cleaning streaks. Kaidan's eyes weighed on her. She could see him in the top edge of her vision. She shouldn't have put him off all week. She should've just met with him straight off after he'd gotten back.

"Tali's discharged," Shepard said.

"Yeah?"

"Dextran food that's not rotted, fresh filters, antibiotics - recipe for quarian health."

"For a while, Dr. Chakwas was saying if …" He stopped, and his eyes drifting off for a moment. He looked back at her quickly. "Well, I'm glad she's all right."

He watched her quietly as she drummed her fingers again. She should probably just say it. That's why he was here after all - his email to meet, grab coffee, or whatever. He'd probably been trying to talk to her since his migraine broke, and he was back on his feet.

"I never expected this." She said it as she thought it.

Sometimes things came out like that. It was as if some subordinate submitted a document for distribution before it had come across the editor's desk to get stamped for publishing. Kaidan though, she was pretty sure what he said went through a rigorous editing process. He probably had a whole panel of editors sitting around discarding first drafts, sending manuscripts back to the writer with sticking notes on every page, the document dripping in red ink. Sometimes, he didn't answer things right away. She imagined the panel blowing up into a debate, talking over each other, shoving their chairs back as they pointed and waved fingers in each other's faces. Just a delay, then a decision was made, and he said something just-right and political. No wonder the brass loved him. Not everything was so deliberate though. He had a few rogue subordinates running around distributing raw copies. She's seen it - Horizon and other times. That was the past though.

"None of us expected this," Kaidan said. "We all thought it was 'good bye' that day in London, for some of us, for all of us. No time to think about tomorrow when you still haven't made it through today."

"That's very lyrical, Kaidan. Would go well in one of my speech. How about I borrow it?"

"My royalty fees are pretty steep."

"Then I'll just steal it."

Kaidan shrugged. "You've stolen larger things."

"True." Shepard smiled. "Then, so have you. Watching over my shoulder the whole time does make you an accomplice."

"I knew what I was doing. Already had my outfit picked out for the firing squad."

Shepard smirked. "Really? Something other than your uniform?"

"No, it was my uniform, but I had a matching blindfold for it."

"Uh huh," Shepard said. "I'd be more focused on picking out the last meal."

"Has to be steak. Don't even show me the menu."

"Figures," Shepard said folding her arms. "Well, I'm glad you didn't need your matching blindfold. A little sad you didn't get your steak. But, getting all the promotions made up for that, right?"

"Hey, speaking of which." He straightened.

"The steak?"

"The promotions. Congrats. Staff commander."

Shepard gave a lopsided smile. "Yeah? Thanks, Major."

"Hey, everyone knows it's overdue. They can't launch you straight to the top. Still a step up from lieutenant commander."

"You met this new Alliance brass yet, Kaidan? They're not launching me to the top. Maybe launching me somewhere, but sure as hell not up."

He frowned. "What do you mean?"

Shepard put a hand on her coffee cup and twisted it around in the table. "Don't take my word for it, but go to a few more meetings and shake a few more hands, you'll see. With everyone stranded here and the Council living in HQ, the Alliance seems positioning to be king of the mountain. And trust me, they're trying. Worried I'll usurp their control or undermine it or something."

Kaidan's frown deepened. "But Hackett—"

"He's just an admiral, Kaidan. It's the flight admirals in the Alliance Parliament."

"I thought we lost most of the flight admirals. Then I saw Dumas, Linahan, and Sheng at the meeting this week."

"They evacuated from Arcturus. Holed up on some planet. Got back to Earth maybe six months ago. Parliament's one big melting pot though – all the greedy hands helping each other to the top. Earth-based military leaders and government heads filling the power vacuum. And now, the flight admirals that survived Arcturus are back. Alliance is essentially head of humanity, and there's a lot of power to consolidate while everything's new and in flux."

Kaidan sat silent.

"Trust me," Shepard added. "If I hadn't been in the hospital for seven months, I would have done something before they planted flags. They know that. It's probably why they hate me. But they're dug in now and been in power nearly a year. We'll just have to do our part to make sure they don't get carried away. And, we still have Hackett. He's not underhanded and quid pro quo enough to have gotten a hand up, but he has sway. He's political enough to be on their good side, I think."

"You really think they hate you?"

"Sure. Doesn't mean they'll hate you. I hope."

Kaidan rubbed the table edge with his thumb.

"You've met with them, right?" Shepard asked.

"Uh, yeah, but I didn't …" Kaidan focused back on her. "You think they plan to undermine the Council?"

"Not precisely," Shepard said. "Not officially anyway. How could they?"

Kaidan's brow wrinkled. He stared at the table, quiet.

"Hey," Shepard booted his foot under the table. "It'll work out. It's a nice summer day. It's Earth, and you're home, right?"

"Yeah, I guess." He gave a small smile.

His eyes scanned her face studying her. The coffee cup crumbled slightly in her hand, and she loosened her grip before drawing her lips into a smile. Kaidan opened his mouth as if to speak.

"So, uh … Kaidan," Shepard said quickly.

She needed to get back on track. She'd always gone off the cuff in her speeches, and she'd accomplished a lot not knowing a word she was going to say. She'd brought together the krogan, turiens, quarians, … the geth. Shepard swallowed and refocused. Yes, she'd accomplished a lot just telling it how it was, blunt and unscripted. But Kaidan, he was so careful with what he said, he deserved better. Better from her. She'd thought about how to say it, how to lead into it. She'd gone over it again and again in her head. She just needed to get it done.

"I saw Garrus and Tali at the Dungeon last night." The opening line in her script.

"The Dungeon?" Kaidan let out a breath and leaned back in his chair. He crossed his arms and then quickly, as if realizing he was giving closed off body language or something, uncrossed them. He pulled his coffee cup closer but didn't drink it.

"The Dungeon," Shepard repeated, then paused. "What? I don't look like a Dungeon regular to you?"

A weak smile.

"Do you want to? I mean ... I guess, where else are you going to find a good fight near Alliance Headquarters?"

"The council chamber for one."

He nodded. His smile stretched more genuinely, and he gave a light laugh. Not a real laugh but one conceding the humor in what you said.

"Yeah?" He actually picked up his coffee and took a drink. "The council chamber? Bet you can't find the same discounts on red sand."

"You find red sand on someone in the council chamber, I'm betting you can work out a discount on whatever you want."

"I think, I'd rather have a Dungeon drug lord as my enemy."

"What? Come on. What's a politician next to brutes and banshees?" Shepard said. "I'm not in the little leagues anymore."

"The Citadel's arena reader board was destroyed. Is there really any proof what league you're in, Shepard?"

"Damnit. Knew I should've been taking more pictures."

"Should have upgraded your Omni-Tool camera instead of adding that extra melee blade."

"Hindsight." Shepard sighed holding her coffee at chest level. She took a sip.

Kaidan lounged back with his arms on the armrest and watched her. Her hands tightened around the cup again. She still wasn't ready.

"Think the stores on the citadel would've accepted my Spectre discount on an upgrade for my Omni-Tool camera?"

Kaidan shrugged. "You'd know. You're Commander Shepard, and all your favorite stores were on the citadel."

Shepard tapped her coffee cup onto the table and leaned forward. "Don't be sore you missed all the endorsement opportunity by being the _second_ human Spectre."

"Probably for the best." He leaned forward also. "I couldn't have matched your zeal in capitalizing on all those opportunities."

"Hey, hey. Can't help if advertisers love me."

"Your good looks get you everything."

"Get me everything, huh? Probably why my warnings were taken so much to heart then. The Alliance, the Council, the media - their elaborate over preparation for the reapers."

"Overpreparation? Good thing too. You might have hijacked a ship or blown something up otherwise."

"Well, that sounds more fun anyway."

Their hands nearly touched on the table. His smile broadened as he gazed back at her. He was close enough she could touch his face if she wanted. Her fingertips could brush down the smooth graininess of his jawline, his brown eyes searching deep into hers. And, if she drew his face in closer, she'd feel his jaw tensing under her fingertip and his breathing tightening. She'd smell the soap from his morning shower.

A boom exploded behind her. She jumped and swung around reaching for that feel of biotic energy. A cafeteria tray clattered to a stop on the patio floor behind her.

"Uh, sorry," an asari said picking up the tray.

Shepard released her breath. Kaidan touched her hand. It jolted her. It shocked her more than the cafeteria tray hitting the cement. She twisted back to the table.

"You all right?" His eyebrows furrowed.

"Of course." She drew her hand off the table.

Kaidan's eyes flickered down where her hand had been. He looked up quickly, but his mouth tightened.

"Jumpy," he said.

"Sometimes."

"Yeah. Me too."

With the shock passing, the queasiness in her stomach returned. She needed to stop sidetracking and just say it.

"I almost used my biotics," she blurted out instead.

"You're can't use them?"

"Not until Miranda clears me. The implant might be damaged, my cybernetic implants are still settling, and everything needs to heal before it can handle the metabolic load."

"I didn't know." He sighed and scanned her face. "How're you feeling?"

"Me? Fine," Shepard said.

He held her eyes but didn't say anything. She rolled her lips then shrugged.

"Weird sometimes," she admitted.

"Weird?"

"Off maybe?" Shepard leaned her elbows on the table. "I don't know. Miranda says everything's fine."

"But you feel 'weird'?'"

Shepard put her chin in her hands. "How's anyone supposed to feel being rebuilt twice? It would probably be more wrong if I felt right. I don't know how to describe it. It's weird. Like I shouldn't be here, and my body knows it."

Kaidan frowned down at the table. The breeze rustled his hair as seagulls called in the distance. A shuttle passed low overhead.

He looked up. "Did you feel like this before? After Cerberus rebuilt you?"

"No, but I didn't have all these implants to jar up. How much is messed up from actual physical trauma? How much from that energy burst on the crucible? I'm part synthetic and all the synthetics are gone." Shepard sat up taller and took a deep breath. "Everything's fine though. Miranda says that what she put in for Cerberus is functioning. Everything just needs time to settle down, heal. Then we can introduce my biotics back."

"Shepard." He glanced around them before turning back to her. "What happened up there? Anderson, the Illusive Man …"

Shepard focused on her hands. She folded them in front of her on the table.

"Kaidan, you know what happened."

"Do I? I know what I read." He searched her face. "But from you … what happened?"

Shepard's throat tightened. If she said it, told anyone about the choices, then it became true. The Crucible's decision was made, and there was no going back. People knowing, so they could doubt and debate possible outcomes, wouldn't change anything. She'd debated all the options inside herself a million times over a hundred sleepless nights in the dark. Whether she made the right choice on the Crucible was moot. Nothing good came from people micro analyzing it. In the end, the best choice was to never mention there being a choice.

It was a weight around her neck though - the geth extinction. Everyone suspected, but with the comm buoys and relays down, no one knew for sure whether all the geth were gone. The other choices could have saved every lifeform. The relays probably wouldn't be in pieces. Millions across the galaxy wouldn't be stranded, starving, and reverting to savagery. Shepard would live with her choice until her dying day. It didn't mean everyone else needed to.

"Something happened up there, didn't it, Shepard?" Kaidan asked.

He moved a hand toward hers then stopped. He drew back and rested his hands in front of him on the table instead.

"Shepard?"

"A lot happened," Shepard said staring at her hands and listening to her heart beat. She couldn't doubt herself on this or every choice she'd ever made, that she was making, all of it, would crumble around her.

"It's okay," Kaidan said. "I shouldn't push you. I wasn't planning on asking about it."

"Kaidan," Shepard looked squarely at him. "I want to tell you, but I can't. There was a decision to make. I made it. I'm … I'm still coming to terms with it."

Kaidan gave a small smile. "I'm sure you made the right decision, Shepard."

"You don't know that," Shepard said sharply.

"Shepard …" He leaned over the table.

"Kaidan, stop," Shepard said. "You don't know."

Kaidan's face tightened, but he didn't lean back.

"Shepard, you got further than anyone else."

"Don't you think I know that?"

"Just listen," Kaidan said. "Whatever the choice was, you're the only one that made it far enough to find one. The only option the rest of us had was destruction, the Reapers harvesting planet after planet, and everything we fought for these last years, all the people – Jenkins, Ash, Anderson – dying for nothing. You brought everyone together, and that's never happened. And it all would've been for nothing, except that you made a decision." He swallowed and shook his head. "Shepard, it doesn't matter what the decision was, you made the right choice just by making one at all."

Shepard stared at him. He smiled.

"Maybe," she said. "I don't know, but thanks."

She smiled back, but at the same time, a heaviness settled in her chest, a bitterness in realizing where they were - here on the Alliance patio, facing the future, and the return of Freality. She leaned back in her chair and snatched her cold coffee off the table. She just needed something to focus on and hold.

"Anyway," she exhaled.

Kaidan didn't move and searched her face. She had to stop procrastinating. Make it light. Make it natural.

"Anyway," she continued, "I saw Garrus and Tali at the Dungeon."

Kaidan's eyes dropped, and he glanced away.

"Full circle, then?" He pushed back in his chair. "Continue." He made a waving motion with his hand.

Full circle? 'Ah, back to the uncomfortable tension as before' is what he meant.

Shepard pushed on. "Garrus talked to the primarch. He heard from a ship that heard from a ship that Palavan's comm buoy is nearly up. Palavan's mass relay is likely on schedule with Sol's if their buoy's almost repaired."

There was a dullness in Kaidan's eyes now, as if she was talking about the weather to fill up time traveling with a stranger on an elevator.

"And?" he prompted.

"Garrus will return to Palavan. Probably still a year off. Tali has plans on Rannoch."

Kaidan nodded. "Returning to your homeworld after so many generations has to be unbelievable."

His words sounded sincere, but there was hesitation. He seemed to be waiting for the punchline.

"Liara," Shepard said. "I'm sure she's finding her contacts again. Haven't seen her much yet, but I imagine, she'll probably go back to Illium or Thessia when the Relays are up."

"Liara's a good friend. I think she worried about you as much as I did. You should track her down. It was a rough several months. Hard on everyone, but some more than others."

"She's busy with Javik and his celebrity, but I'll see her. I'll make it a priority. And Joker too."

"Joker …" Kaidan said. "You know, he's not a big fan of mine. I think the time on board just cemented that, but he'll listen to you. His dad and sister, EDI. He needs someone. I think he left Headquarters for a while though."

"He'll be back. He just needs some time to clear his head."

Kaidan gave a slow nod.

"So," Shepard took a breath, "everyone is moving on. All these futures we didn't think we had or at least didn't really consider."

Kaidan sighed. "This is a very long lead in. Just say it. I don't need coddled."

"Kaidan …"

"Just say what you mean, Shepard. You always have before." He straightened in his chair. "I love it about you. I'm a big boy. I can take it."

Her eyes drifted to the birds soared over the ocean behind him. Seagulls.

Kaidan glanced behind at the birds then squared his gaze back on Shepard and prompted. "Everyone is moving on. Futures we didn't think we had …"

"Kaidan. All right." No more distractions, procrastinations. "When everything's falling apart broken regs can be overlooked, forgiven. But now? Our relationship is common knowledge. Neither of us knew we would both we standing at the end of the war. The odds … The Alliance won't turn a blind eye on it anymore."

"We're Spectres."

"And Alliance officers. The way things sit now, the council may be boss in name, but the Alliance calls the shots and has all the power. The citadel orbits Earth now. Play their cards right, the Alliance may stay on top. Besides, Kaidan, the Council doesn't give resources to Spectres. You know that. Without Alliance's resources, all we have is a name badge."

"The other races won't let the Alliance dictate everything."

"It's politics. Closed doors. Right now everyone's on our court. Set the foundation, it might stay that way, at least through our lifetime. Besides, we're both career soldiers. It's who I am. It's who you are, isn't it?"

"Yes."

"Yes," Shepard repeated. "You're one of the best soldiers I know, Kaidan. You're an asset to the whole Alliance. You've already risen up the ranks. The higher, the more say you'll have. We need someone with integrity like you influencing the Alliance's future. And the brass like you. With your background, skill in bioitics-"

"You're one of the most powerful bioitics I've seen, Shepard. What you do with barriers, their impermeability, it's astounding."

"Regardless of that." She wasn't going to be diverted off topic. "The Alliance, the Council, everything counts more than ever. How we rebuild, how we lay the foundation for the future, we're both needed in different ways and we can't achieve anything without the Alliance. As long as we're Alliance soldiers, if we carry on, everything will all be taken away."

"Have you been reprimanded?" Kaidan frowned. "Did Admiral Hackett—"

"No, not yet, but we're high profile, Kaidan. It's not going to be swept under the rug. It would be a reprimand conditional on a change of behavior, or that's replaced with a court martial. At best, it would be a terrible blow to our career. At worst, it's dishonorable discharges. If they wanted to follow our relationship back to the days on Normandy SR-1, when we were in the same line of command and Virmire …"

"We weren't together before Virmire."

"We know that, but you think they'll take our word on it? They'll subpoena our friends in the Alliance. Joker'd be hauled in there under oath. He knows everything."

"Everything?"

"A lot. Adams, Cortez, Donnelly, Daniels, Dr. Chakwas, Vega, all the soldiers surviving the Normandy 1's explosion who're still alive, maybe even your biotic students. They saw you kiss me in London. Our hearing would have quite the roll call, and it would be big news. Think of the situation we'd be putting our friends in, the media storm and slander, losing our jobs, disgraced. What would your family think?"

"They don't know about us."

"They would after our disciplinary hearing gets front page," Shepard said. "What other option is there? Just sneak around hoping we don't get caught?"

Kaidan stared down at the table. "I don't know. Maybe …"

"We'll get caught. Matter of time. Guaranteed. And what if we didn't get caught? Or the brass did decide to turn a blind eye, which they won't, what then? Sneak around forever?"

"No, that's not … I don't want it to be that way, Shepard." He looked up at her. "I just know I want to be with you."

"Sneaking around has no end game, Kaidan. Best case, we put off the decision we should be making right now. Ending things later won't be any easier, it'll probably be worse. We can't just sneak into each other's rooms forever. You'd start feeling guilty. I'd be paranoid, hyperalert."

Kaidan sighed and rubbed a temple. "That's not what I want anyway. We're alive. There's a future. I want something real."

"Then sneaking around …"

"Fine. No, okay?" He folded his arms and looked down again.

"Okay. Then, if we're not sneaking around, and we're not leaving the Alliance, those are the options. And don't leave the Alliance, Kaidan."

"I didn't say I would."

"Good." Shepard leaned forward to catch his eye. He looked up with a frown. Shepard forced a smile. "Hey. I don't want to see you hurt. I don't want to see everything you've earned taken away or given up. Besides, there's a need greater than either of us. You on your path, me on mine. We're stronger that way. Together, we're an easy target and out of the game. We accomplish nothing."

The breeze off the ocean picked up. A salty mist hung in the air. Kaidan's eyes dropped to the table, and he tightened his arms across his chest. They sat in silence except for the bird cries over the waves and the waxing and waning of passing shuttles.

Kaidan passed a hand over his face still staring at the table. "I love you, Shepard. I have for a long time. I've only ever wanted to get to this moment – the Reapers defeated, both of us alive, the Normandy and everyone safe, the galaxy saved. You saved it, Shepard." He let out a long breath and looked her in the eye. "When the Normandy crashed, all I could think about was you. Whether you were alive, in pain, alone. Was anyone looking for you? I knew I should be focusing on the crew, the problems, the solutions. And I did. We did all those things - repair the ship, orient ourselves, plan our way back, fuel, food, survival - but a part of me only wanted those things, so I could find you. When I heard you were alive, I can't even describe how I felt. Being here with you now, it's beyond the luckiest break anyone deserves. Just to spend one more day with you after that day in London … I don't need anything else."

Shepard tightened her fingers around the metal arms of her chair. Later. It was what she always told herself in these moments. Think about it later or never.

"Kaidan …" She wasn't sure what to say.

"Don't worry about it, Shepard." He stood up sliding his chair back and gave her a small smile. "Just stay safe. If you need anything …"

Shepard returned a tight smile. "If you need anything too. You know that."

He touched her shoulder as he passed. "Take care, Shepard."

Then, he was gone. Shepard scrambled to her feet. She fumbled with her Omni-Tool and checked her calendar. She always had a full schedule. She needed a full schedule now more than ever. She grabbed their cups off the table and dashed them into the garbage can as she rushed into the busy hall.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Shepard waited for the door to open. A dark sky filled the windows at the end of the hallway. Dark windows always made her feel more awake. On the ship, it was always dark. Dark was normal. It was the sunshine that burned away confidence and security. The sliding doors opened, and Miranda stood in the doorway.

"Shepard. Come in."

Shepard strolled past her. "Hey."

Miranda's apartment looked more like a work area. The tablets and blinking machine monitors illuminated the dark apartment. A desk cluttered with papers and paused vids sat in the back of the room near the kitchen.

"What're you doing?"

"The usual, Shepard. Waiting for you."

"What?" Shepard spun around. "Looks like you've been doing more than that. Look at all this – all of that, those monitors, whatever that is."

"Neural tissue scanner."

"They let you bring that home?"

"I'm repairing it. Most of them don't work anymore. This one still has enough eezo to make it worth salvaging."

"Well," Shepard said. "If the Alliance would buckle down and stop those raids on the eezo facilities, there might be more leftover for medical use. Sitting there in storage, just in case, is a damn waste. It's just a flashing sign to come take it."

"Classified eezo warehouses are hardly flashing signs, Shepard." Miranda passed around her into the living room.

"Granted. Makes you wonder how they know about it then, right?"

Miranda shrugged. "How are your new quarters working out?"

"Can't complain. Used to be a General Gies's. A step up from my barracks on Arcturus, no question. Probably one of the nicer rooms."

"Step up from a hospital bed or the couch too, I imagine."

"Miranda, your halfway house's looking more and more like the hospital. If I was on the couch now, I'd wake in a panic thinking was still there."

Shepard wandered over to the desk. She squinted at the monitor. A map of neural connections blinked over the right hemisphere of a brain.

"I like your art."

"Running scenarios." Miranda came up beside her. "Lots of patients still suffering from what Cerberus did to them. A lot still injured from the war. Head injuries don't just bounce back. Not for most people anyway."

"Just need your Cerberus resources again. You could rebuild everyone."

"The resources bringing even one dead person back is astronomical. It'll never happen again. That knowledge's lost. Cerberus's gone, and the crucible took care of the rest. You only got off this time, because you weren't brain dead. Even I couldn't have brought you back then."

"Once was enough."

Rains tapped on the window. Streaks of water streamed down the outside of the glass. Even with darkness, it still wasn't like space. Earth's weather, seasons, wildlife is what home was to most humans, if they weren't born on a colony like her. Mindoir had solar storms, not rainclouds. There was something a little tragic in thinking of someone finding rain a comforting, nostalgic sound. If you joined the Alliance, you'd never hear it again except for trips home, once or twice a year. Better to be soothed by the soft bubbles of a fish tank. At least that could be with you in space.

"You said you needed to see me?" Shepard asked.

Miranda leaned over her desk rotating a 3D brain hologram.

"Oh, right," she said standing away from the desk. "Just a quick scan."

She turned her Omni-Tool on, and Shepard held still.

Miranda scanned a beam up her body. "You're so busy now. It's hard to even get a moment to—" Miranda stopped. Her Omni-Tool glowed in Shepard's face. "This can't be right. Hold still, Shepard."

Miranda punched keys into her Omni-Tool. The scan changed colors and brightened. Shepard squinted into it.

"Don't move," Miranda said.

"I'm—"

"Don't talk. Just hold still." Miranda lowered her Omni-Tool with a frown. "Just hold on."

Miranda rushed to an end table by her couch. She dug around in a plastic box and pulled out a data chip. She snapped it into her Omni-Tool. A screen popped by and her fingers scrolling through it as she wandered back.

"Close your eyes this time, and hold your breath. Don't move."

"What's this about, Miranda?"

"Just do what I said, Shepard."

Shepard sucked in a deep breath and closed her eyes. She actually felt the scan this time, a tingling across her scalp. A vague headache started to pulse.

"There. Done. You can move."

Miranda pulled out the chip and walked to her desk's computer. The chip slid into the side slot on the monitor. The brain image from before winked out, and lines and numbers slid across the screen.

Miranda's breath caught. "No, no, no."

Shepard rushed over to her. "What is it? You're worrying me."

Miranda spun around. "Did you use your biotics?"

Shepard hesitated. "No, but …"

"But?"

"I almost did, but I stopped in time. It wasn't even enough to make a visible field appear over my skin. That was this morning. I haven't felt any different."

"You feel perfectly fine?"

"No changes."

Miranda hunched over the monitor. "Your implant, not the Cerberus ones, your L3 implant, the readings are off. Energy pulses, but slow ones. Maybe not enough wave potential to disrupt any processes, too weak." She looked over her shoulder at Shepard. "I want to see you tomorrow. First thing."

"How significant is this, Miranda? What are we talking about here?"

"I don't know, Shepard," Miranda said. "I just know it's abnormal. I haven't worked with L3 implants, but if it's not acting normally it's a risk. Something's wrong."

"You didn't see this before on my scans?"

"No, this is new."

Shepard shifted on her feet and frowned at the monitor. "Okay. I'll come back in the morning then. You think it's because I reached out for it?"

"Couldn't say. Seems likely though. Just be careful. Rest for the evening. Go straight home."

"Oh. Hmm …"

"No 'hmm,' Shepard." Miranda pointed a finger at her. "I mean it. Don't make all my work for nothing."

Shepard grinned at her. "You should've removed that 'free will' design flaw you missed the last time."

"Don't make me follow you home. Just tell me you'll go straight to your new pad, sleep, and come right back in the morning. No diversions."

"Okay, I will. I had plans, but I'll cancel them."

Miranda sighed. "I don't actually need to see you canceling your plans in front of me, do I?"

"I mean it," Shepard said.

The front door chirped. It slid open. A version of Miranda came in, younger and smiley with a less assured gait.

"Ori. Hi," Shepard said.

"Shepard," Oriana stopped short with a widening grin. "Not sleeping in the extra room again, are you?"

"Not tonight."

"Good. I mean - you can stay anytime. It's just, I'd have to clean it up so you could get to the couch."

"Oriana is working on a sculpture. A memorial."

"Really? That's great," Shepard said.

Oriana stood at the mouth of the hallway. "It's for the Summit next year. One of the council staff saw my work in the memorial gardens, the fallen soldier statue. Told the councilor, and he commissioned it."

"Councilor Mason?"

"Heard he's friendly to biotics. You met him?" Miranda said.

"A few times. Wife died on the Tin Star, has two kids, both the Alliance. Biotics, I hear."

"Both of them?"

"Twins, I think. Overall though, he's focused on cooperation, and his priorities seem right. Guess we'll see when decisions start counting."

Oriana smiled and gave a little wave before turning down the hall.

"It's a mess in here," Oriana called back before disappearing into her room.

Miranda's lips curled up. She glanced at Shepard. "Things turned out much better than I thought."

"Looked pretty grim," Shepard said. "What's the sculpture actually of?"

Miranda gave a sideways smile. "You'll see."

"Miranda." Shepard stepped in closer. "If you really want me to rest well tonight, you'll assure me I'm not part of that sculpture."

"Of course not."

"Okay. Good."

"Your clone though …"

Shepard stared at Miranda's blank face. Unreadable.

"I honestly don't know if you're yanking my chain," Shepard said.

"A joke," Miranda said. "I honestly don't know what it is. Oriana's still dreaming up the possibilities."

"If you can, try to direct those possibilities away from my direction."

"We'll see how well you follow orders to go straight home and rest."

"Deal," Shepard agreed.

x

Shepard called Liara on her Omni-Tool as she strode down the Alliance HQ hallway to her room.

"Shepard, I'm sorry." Liara's voice came through the earpiece. "I'm behind schedule, but I'm almost ready."

"Hey, don't worry about it. I'm actually glad to hear that. Miranda grounded me. Mandated flat on bunk time."

Liara's voice heightened. "Is something the matter, Shepard?"

"Just something off on a scan, one of my implants. I feel fine though. Too much time and money invested to let a malfunctioning implant stop me."

Liara didn't say anything for a moment. "I'm not sure, Shepard. I could be important. Check with me tomorrow. I want to know how you're feeling."

"Don't worry."

An exasperated sigh.

"I'll call you tomorrow," Shepard agreed.

"Very well. Don't forget, Shepard."

Liara's voice blipped out in her ear. Shepard removed the earpiece as she reached her apartment door. She'd managed to be busy all day until, but now she had to fall asleep. She'd listen to music then. She popped the earpiece back into her ear and stepped inside. Anything but silence.

X

Shepard opened her eyes. Pale light streamed through the wall sized window in her living room. She'd fallen asleep after all. She sat up in bed and gazed around the studio apartment. The clock said it was early. The sun came up early this time of year. Her Omni-Tool's earpiece lay in the middle of the bed. She picked it up. It pulsed with faint music. She'd listened late last as she turned and kicked off blankets thinking and trying not to think. She had better sleep before some of her biggest missions. A weight settled over her. She hadn't been alone those nights.

She climbed out of bed putting the earpiece away in her Omni-Tool. She was already losing the burst of readiness. Maybe it was the implant acting up making her feel sapped, but she really felt fine physically. This wasn't anatomical. It was a familiar feeling. It always felt a little different. She'd lost her parents on Mindor, comrades on Akuz, Ashley, Mordin, Thane. Those should hurt deeper than whatever this was. There wasn't death here. Everyone was alive. Everyone was happy, or rather, would be happy with time.

She splashed water on her face. The scars were almost imperceptible now. No one would guess the state she'd be in pulled from the charred remains of the citadel. Miranda did good work.

The light on her terminal blinked. It reflected in the mirror through the bathroom door. She walked to her desk and brought up her messages. It was an appointment request with Admiral Hackett. Her first official meeting in weeks. He wanted something. Maybe she'd actually have a direction again. Something needing done. The appointment was a week out. She accepted. Let it be a good sign.

x

Miranda was dressed and waiting for her when Shepard arrived at her apartment. Shepard buzzed the door, and Miranda stepped out into the hallway.

"Let's go. I want to use the hospital scanner," Miranda said starting off down the hall. "How're you feeling?"

"Normal."

It was early enough that the hospital stood hollow and quiet like a ghost town as their footsteps echoed down the hallway. The lights flicked on as they entered the scan room.

"Lie down, Shepard, and stay still."

"Is there a scan where I'm not still?" Shepard hopped onto the metal table and lay down.

"The machine is going to cover the upper part of your body. This will take a little while."

"Have any reading material?" Shepard peeked down at Miranda standing in the doorway. Miranda put a hand on her hip and frowned. "Eh. Probably wouldn't like the reading material you had around here anyway." Shepard rested her head back on the metal tray. "Pillows?"

"If you're done," Miranda sighed. "We'll start the scan."

Shepard stuck up a thumb up. Miranda sighed and the door closed. The machine flashed over her. When it finally stopped humming and retracted, Shepard opened her eyes. The room's door slid open.

"We have different definitions of 'a little while,' Miranda." Shepard sat up.

"Of course, we do, Shepard." Miranda strolled through the doorway with a datapad. "You're impatient. That's why you're a soldier, not a scientist."

"Uh huh," Shepard stretched. "That's the only thing holding me back from a Nobel in science."

"There isn't a Nobel for 'science,' Shepard. You seem to be able to do whatever you set your mind to though. If you can be patient enough."

"I get a lot of complaints on my shuttle driving."

"That, I believe."

"Too many navigation steering systems."

"If you're patient, you could learn the common ones."

"If you'd brought me reading material on it, I would've had time to learn them all."

Miranda gave her a flat look and turned her attention back to the datapad.

"Really though," Shepard said. "I couldn't do what you do. A soldier and scientist."

"It's almost like I'd been engineered to be perfect." Miranda looked up under her eyelashes at Shepard.

"Job well done, I say."

Shepard hopped off the tray. She clutched the table as her legs wobbled under her. She steadied herself.

"You could feel a little dizzy," Miranda said.

"Aren't you supposed to say that before I stand up? You want all your patients flat on their asses?"

"I'm a scientist, not a doctor."

Miranda walked over and handed her the datapad. Shepard squinted at the lines of text.

"This means nothing to me."

"Right there." Miranda pointed at the bottom line. "No abnormalities. It's clean. Whatever was there last night resolved."

Shepard shoved the datapad back at Miranda. "It's because I rested so well."

"Because _I_ made you rest so well."

"Same thing." Shepard tested her legs then crossed to the door. "Hey, Miranda. You're very thorough, and I appreciate it."

"Thank you, Shepard. Just say that next time."

"I'll try to remember."

Shepard stepped through the door.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

The council discussed the mass relays extensively. Too extensively. Shepard leaned sideways on her chair's armrest. She was just one face in an audience, but someone would probably still catch her if she closed her eyes. The councilors sat at a long table in the center of the stage. Amphitheater-like seats rose up in a half circle around the floor. They could cram a lot of people in here – diplomats, ambassadors, Alliance, her. Always her.

Daily council meetings were open session. Come one and all. And usually it was one or all. Most days, only the first three or four rows were full. Then a hot topic would get headlined, and the room bulged beyond capacity. It probably violated some fire code. Pretty much, attendees were either fighting sleep or suffocation. She knew it too well. She'd been here practically every day for months. She should have her own parking spot. This chair was good enough though. Fourth row. She could graffiti her name on the armrest. It'd give her something to do.

"The commercial ships have never been charged," a volus said from the lectern on one side of the council stage.

"We never had to repair the relays before," said an asari opposite him.

"How would these licenses be policed?" Tevos, the asari councilor, asked from the table.

Sparatus, the turian councilor, leaned forward in his chair and folded his hands on the desk. The salarian councilor stared over the heads in the crowd with a pinched expression. He always looked that way though. He might be more bored than she was during these meetings. Councilor Mason though, bobbed his head giving the asari on stage an encouraging smile. He was nicer than Shepard could be. But then, a politician had to be to balance friendship with the Alliance, other races, and the other councilors. He probably wasn't pro-Alliance enough to satisfy the Alliance brass though.

Shepard gazed down at a row of heads in the front row. Some of them were flight admirals. Apparently, the Alliance's upper crust had nothing better to do than listen to talk on mass relay tariffs. The galaxy lay in rubble, and the Alliance and council spent their days in details and gridlock. The real stuff, the important stuff, didn't seem to make the agenda when there were such pressing matters like commercial trade laws or credit security planning. This wasn't worth her time. Flight Admiral Dumas must have felt her eyes on his profile. He twisted and met her gaze with narrowing eyes. Shepard looked away.

The asari gripped the lectern and raised her voice. "The relays are costing an exorbitant sum of resources, manpower, and spacecrafts. We're making up half of it as we go. Without the keepers who survived the citadel, we'd be totally lost. And, the problems in its reconstruction? It's costing the council and the alliance more every day. If the merchants benefit from restoring the relays, the costs needs to be shared."

"It's our commercial sector that's hurting the most," the volus said. "Intergalactic commerce is dead on its feet. Eezo, Medigel, basic things are running out. If the Council wants resources shared between systems, you need commerce. You'll drive it into the ground this way. This whole war has been an economic nightmare."

It seemed like a pretty tame nightmare. Apparently, he wasn't waking up panting from a banshee stabbing him through his chest or watching as a crewmate stood frozen with a brute hurtling toward him. It was always too late. She was always too far away, her biotics just out of range. She'd arrive firing her gun as the brute swung around with a crumbled body sliding down the wall behind him in a blood streak. She'd take economic nightmares instead any night of the week. _Oh no! Last quarter's discretionary budget didn't balance. Code red, everyone, code red._ The terror.

The volus turned to the councilors. "The traffic jam alone, councilors. Stopping every ship—"

"They could submit a license number to a control ship," the asari said. "Fast, electronic, reflexive after a time."

The volus leaned forward on the lectern. "And what do we charge? Based on occupancy, merchandises, ship size? Who's policing it? C-Sec? Who issues the licenses?"

Shepard's elbow slipped off the armrest. She jolted upright. She glanced around, but everyone watched the asari councilor as she stood up from the table.

"This creates a whole new infrastructure to oversee at a time we are barely starting to rebuild," Tevos said. "We need resources shared. The economy to rise again. The smaller star clusters—"

A chair creaked behind Shepard.

"Commander Shepard, right?" someone whispered.

Shepard glanced behind her. The man hadn't been there earlier. He sat on the edge of the seat directly behind her and flashed a canine smile. Dark hair slicked back from his forehead like the feathers on head of a falcon. A scar crossing his eyebrow left a bald patch that looked barely healed. He wore an Alliance uniform.

"Yes?"

"Lieutenant Commander Bram Anchor."

He offered his hand over her shoulder. Shepard twisted and gave it a quick pump. A sigh came from the Alliance Operations Chief sitting on her left. He frowned at them. Anchor narrowed his eyes at the back of the chief's head then turned back to Shepard with a smile.

He leaned in closer. "Glad we're meeting, Commander. Heard good things about you."

Shepard wrinkled her brow. He didn't look familiar. The name meant nothing to her.

"I'll be on leave for a few weeks," Anchor continued. "Wanted to make sure we met though. Admiral Hackett said you'd be here."

Anchor glanced back at the exit and gave her a quick nod before standing up. Shepard peered up at him.

"What's this about?" she asked.

He bent down to her ear. "See you on the Normandy, Commander."

He ducked into the aisle and disappeared into the recessed shadows at the back. A door opened and closed. The Operations Chief glanced over again. Shepard gave a weak smile and turned back to the council stage, back to the relays, commerce, credits. There was no way she was keeping her mind on that now. The Normandy …

X

Shepard stopped in her tracks. A turien collided into her. His datapad rattled to the hallway floor as people streaming around them.

"Look what you're doing," he snapped then paused as he looked into her face. His eyes widened. "Wait. You're Commander Shepard. Sorry about that. Wasn't looking where I was going."

He snatched his datapad off the floor and rushed around her. Shepard drew her eyes away from him and stared down the hall. It was Joker. He sat on the other side of a glass wall in a pub. Shepard shot forward with a grin. She darted to the glass wall's open doorway and rounded the corner into the pub. Joker hunched over a table next to the plane of glass. Alliance's HQ hallway swarmed on the other side with people heading home or setting out for dinner.

"Joker."

He snapped his head up.

"You didn't tell me you got back to headquarters." She dragged a chair out from under the table and flopped down. The table wobbled, and Joker clutched his drink with a frown. Shepard darted a look under the table with a grunt. "Damn table. Last time I was here—"

"Yeah, sure, take a seat, Commander. Thanks for asking."

Shepard cocked her head with a lopsided frown. She sat back in her chair and waved at him.

"When did you get back?"

Joker adjusted his ratty baseball cap with one hand. He clutched the mug of beer against the stains on a frayed-collared band T-shirt. His bearded needed trimmed.

"You okay?" Shepard asked.

Joker shrugged and kept his eyes down. "Why wouldn't I be? I'm alive. All that matters, right?" He took a deep drink from his mug.

"Uh huh. Might be just me, but you don't look like you're doing too hot, Joker."

"What? Cause I didn't report into you the moment I hopped off the shuttle?"

Shepard scooted her chair in and steadied the table. She folded her hands on top.

"Do you want to get something to eat? You drinking that on an empty stomach?"

"No." He took a drink again. "The first one was on an empty stomach. This one? This one's definitely not on an empty stomach."

"Yeah. Cute."

Joker thudded the cup down in front of him. He fixed his eyes on the table and ran a finger around the mug's handle. Shepard didn't say anything. Something upbeat played overhead. A human woman passed in the hall and gawked at Shepard. Ah, the life of celebrity. The faster she was away on the Normandy the better, if that's what was happening.

"So …" Joker gestured expansively slouching back in his chair. "You have something you wanted to say? You tracked me down."

"I was just walking down the hall and saw you."

"Walking down the hall to where?"

"To my apartment. You know how late it is? You don't have somewhere you need to be in the morning?"

"What apartment? Admiral Anderson have an apartment here too? You get his bank codes and shuttle keys, too, this time?"

"Not Admiral Anderson. Apartment in the barracks. A lot of open quarters now."

"Nice quarters?"

"A general's quarters. So, yeah."

"General, huh? Taking it then, he's either dead or … or, if he's not, then he's pretty damn happy. Probably goes against regs cohabitating and such. But then, we know how much of a stickler you are for those anyway."

Shepard stood up knocking against the table. "That's enough."

"Now, Kaidan wasn't promoted to general while I was gone, right? Cause that would explain a lot."

"Enough. I'm a commanding officer. I like you, Joker, but you're out of line."

People at the bar turned around on their stools and frowned at them.

Shepard grabbed the back of her chair and leaned down with a quieter voice. "I know you're grieving over EDI. Maybe you think no one else cares, I don't know, but this isn't the way to go about it. Pull yourself together. EDI's memory deserves better than this."

Shepard pushed off against the back of the chair and left. The group at the bar stared as she passed. Maybe they recognized her. Maybe it was just the outburst. Shepard frowned over her shoulder at the bar and continued down the hallway.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Shepard sat with a heavy thud on the edge of her bed. Blackness blinded her window. She looked at her clock. She should feel tired. She should have recorded that argument over commerce and the relay. It would work better than any lullaby. The door buzzed. Shepard frowned and glanced at the clock again. She got up and crossed around the sunken sitting area. She opened the front door. Liara smiled.

"Shepard, you're all right?"

Shepard's eyes widened. "Liara, hey."

"I know it's late. You didn't check in with me. I got worried."

"Oh." Shepard remembered. "Right. Sorry. Come in."

Liara passed by her. She strolled into room just above the first step down to the couches. She glanced around at the kitchenette and bed before turning to the living room. Three couches horseshoed a coffee table facing a wall sized window dark with the night sky. Admittingly, it had a pretty posh sized view for being military barracks. Her window on Arturus had been little more than a porthole, and she's had a bunkmates to share the common area.

"This is nice, Shepard. I didn't realize they would give you such nice quarters."

"Lucky vacancy. Staff commanders don't usually get quarters like this."

"Being the first human Spectre and savior of the galaxy must fill some of the qualifications."

"I did put them on the application." Shepard grinned and strolled over to her.

Liara turned to her. "I was worried. How are you feeling?

"I'm sorry I forgot. I did mean to get back to you." Shepard ushered her down the steps to the couches. "Everything's clear. Whatever Miranda saw is gone. I'm perfectly normal."

"You're hardly normal, Shepard."

Shepard rounded the couch directly facing the window and flopped back. She patted the seat next to her.

"Things going well with Javik?"

Liara lowered herself stiffly onto the couch. "I think I'm no longer the only one getting a new view on protheans. If not for the war, he'd be the biggest story of the millennia."

"He probably both hates and expects to be the biggest story of the millennia."

"And, how are _you_ liking it, Shepard?"

"Being the biggest story of the millennia?" Shepard studied her hands. Her calluses were fading. "I'd rather be a footnote on page eight, I think, than the headliner."

"What you did, Shepard, was astounding. If people are in awe, it's because they see that in you."

"I appreciate that, Liara." Shepard smiled. She leaned back deep into the couch cushions. "What about your other 'stuff?'"

"Being the shadow broker, you mean? It's challenging with the comm buoys down. Even most of my local contacts have gone dark."

"I imagine. We're in a hell of a state. Rebuilding from the war's going to be more work than fighting it."

"You don't believe that." Liara scooted back hesitantly then relaxed back into the cushions next to Shepard.

"Comm buoy's almost up," Shepard said. "The relay hit some snag. It'll be a year, at least. You heard about the Summit, right? For next year?" Liara shrugged. Shepard put her hands behind her head. "Supposed to make all these important decisions, get everyone together, decide things before the relay's up and everyone breaks. Gets me why the hell they think they need to wait. If there are important decisions, just get on making them."

"Shepard, there's a lot more information and voices to add. Once we start communicating with Thessia, Palavan, Sur Kesh, others again, the important decisions may change."

"You're not wrong," Shepard agreed, "but there are still decisions we could make right now."

"You've been going to the council meetings, correct? You aren't pushing for those decisions to be made?"

Shepard exhaled a long, hissing breath. "No."

"Why not? If you—"

"It's their arena, not mine. I'm a ship captain, not a politician."

"Why would the Alliance have you attending all the meetings then? They don't request your input during the discussions?"

"Sometimes. I've said things here and there. If they call on me, I pop up, say my piece. But, I've made enough decisions for everyone. Who even knows if the decisions I made were the right ones? Or the best ones? All that matters is that they're made. Now it's everyone else's turn. I'm sitting out on the rest."

Shepard stared out the window. Liara put a hand on Shepard's knee.

"You've made good decisions, Shepard. Curing the krogans, reconciling the quarians and the geth."

"Geth?" Shepard swallowed. "After the crucible fired, they all died. You know that, right?"

"We're not sure yet, and you couldn't have known. We needed to defeat the reapers. Whatever it cost, it had to be done, Shepard. It isn't your fault."

Shepard sat in silence for a moment. She took a deep breath.

"It doesn't need to be rehashed. The Alliance has thrown me at the council, and if they want, I have stuff to say. Always do, but I just want to be in space. On the Normandy. Meetings and backroom politics be damned."

Liara folded her hands in her lap. "Have they said how they're going to use you?"

"I meet with Admiral Hackett next week. We'll see. I can't just go from meeting to meeting shaking hands, Liara. Hell, it's killing me. I'm useless."

"You're not useless, Shepard. Far from. They just don't know how to use you yet."

"Hope they figure it out then."

The moon hung in the corner of the window. The stars spanned out around it. A light in the east shinned brightest. The citadel, once the center of intergalactic rule, now broken wreckage, just a bright light orbiting Earth's night sky.

"Makes you ponder things, doesn't it? The sky?" Liara turned her head on the cushion to look at Shepard. "In Thessia, we have two moons, one bigger than the other. It takes up almost the whole night sky. At least, it felt like it when I was a child. Mother would tell me about space travel. I couldn't imagine it then. I'd never been off planet. Now she's gone, and I've been off planet more than I've been on it and Thessia's a different place than I remember. Last time we were there - the destruction. You must feel the same way about Earth and the colonies. Horrifying knowing you'll never see it look like home again."

"You'll live a long time, Liara. You'll rebuild. See it flourish again."

"It won't be the same. It's changed, but so have I."

Shepard nodded. "Yeah, we've all changed."

"Yes. I know it isn't just me."

Silence hung around them. For once, silence wasn't bothering her. The quiet, the moon, the stillness – it wouldn't always be her enemy. Maybe she just needed more of this, time with the people she cared about. Soon enough, they'd all be shattered like stars, gone different ways. She'd lost so many already. Even Anderson was gone. It was starting over again - unfettered, no ties, like each beginning, the people that mattered to her reduced to transparent vid sessions, crossing paths only deliberately, or never.

"We'll keep in touch, Shepard."

Liara's eyes glimmered in the lamp light, and she smiled. Liara couldn't read minds but that felt damn close. They had mind melded more than once. Though, it wasn't really a mind meld in any true sense, more a controlled exchange of data and memory. The shared memory before the final battle had been brief and shallow but meaningful. Liara had only crested the surface of her mind. She couldn't know Shepard's thoughts. She certainly couldn't know things Shepard didn't even consciously know herself. Yet, Liara's eyes searched Shepard's with a sad smile spreading beneath.

"I know we'll keep in touch," Shepard turned her eyes back to the window, "but things will never be like they were. Just the cost of moving forward."

The image of them stretched back against the couch reflected back at her in the dark window.

Liara shifted next to her. "Asari live longer than most races. Losing others? It's something you grow up accepting. For a human though, time must mean much more."

"I don't know. Loss is loss. Can you really get used to it? Hurts each time, and that's normal. You think it feels worse than before, but you probably don't remember how bad it really hurt all the other times because memories fade. In the end, it heals and fades away too, and in the future, you won't even be able to recall how bad it hurt in this moment."

Shepard's hands dropped from cradling her head. She wished she had a drink in her hand. She intertwined her fingers in her lap instead. Liara reached over and covered Shepard's hand with hers.

"Shepard. Have you seen Kaidan?"

"Kaidan?" Shepard frowned. "Of course. You were there."

"You know I don't mean that. I mean, have you talked to him?"

"It's funny. He told me to talk to you."

"Yes, I …" Liara paused. "We had a lot of time on the Normandy. To talk. I realized things about him. Saw him in ways I hadn't before."

Shepard shifted on the couch. "Are you trying to tell me something, Liara? You and Kaidan—"

"No! No, Shepard." Liara bolted upright and turned wide eyes to her. "Nothing like that, I assure you. I know humans can be very jealous. If I inadvertently implied—"

"Jealous?"

"No, I'm not—That is, I don't mean to offend you, Shepard. By the Goddess, I'm saying the wrong thing, I know. Even after so long with humans, I still say the wrong thing."

"It's fine, Liara."

"I know, but if I—"

"I'm not offended," Shepard assured.

"Good," Liara paused. "I think you mean it."

"Of course, I do."

Liara's nodded slowly and relaxed her back. "I only meant to say that I think we, Kaidan and I, understood each other. I think he's a good person, and I think we found we had something in common."

Shepard tucked her hands under her arms and shrugged. She looked over at Liara.

"I'm glad you got on so well. Heard there were a lot of raw nerves, people grating on each other."

"Yes, of course. An intense time. So much unknown."

"Sure," Shepard said. "A long time, small ship, anxiety high. Bound to ignite tempers. Had to be rough."

"Yes, but you aren't answering my question. If it's inappropriate, you can tell me. It's only because I care that I ask, but I don't want to pry where I shouldn't."

Shepard sighed, tipped her head back against the cushions, and looked up at the ceiling. In the corner of Shepard's vision, Liara looked away.

"Forget I said anything, Shepard."

"Yes, we talked," Shepard said.

"Then you and Kaidan …"

"There is no 'me and Kaidan.'" Shepard pushed up off the couch. "There's me. Period. Kaidan. Period."

"I see."

"I know you care, but I can't talk about it." Shepard walked to the window, leaned a hand against the wall, and looked out.

"I understand. I shouldn't have said anything."

"It is what it is. I just … there's nothing to say."

"That's all right." Liara smoothed down the front of her jacket and stood. "I should leave. I'm glad everything was clear on Miranda's scan. Let me know if things change. We should still try Angelo's sometime."

"That's right. Yes."

Shepard walked Liara to the front door.

"I'll see you later, Shepard."

"Bye, Liara."

Once she was alone again, Shepard strolled over to her bed and sat. She sighed and hunched forward digging her fingers into her hair. It shouldn't be possible to be so tired and not be sleepy.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

"Admiral." Shepard saluted.

"Take a seat, Commander." Admiral Hackett gestured to the leather chair in front of his desk. "How are things?"

"They ... there's a lot of meetings." Shepard came around the chair and sat.

Hackett lowered himself into his chair with a sigh. "I know. We've made you a regular at every meeting big or small. I can imagine how it feels being a soldier and attending months of back to back meetings."

Shepard shrugged but kept a smile on. Hackett leaned forward across his desk.

"I haven't talked to you much about the next step, where you go from here."

"I knew there was probably an angle, sir."

"The Relays are a year out. Sol, Arcturus. You heard about the cracked Mass Effect shard? Attempts to synthesize a new one, they're not going well. We're fielding other options. Until the Sol relay's functional again and travel resumes, resouces'll stay short. The focus is on rebuilding and preparing for the infrastructure of the future. Earth has never hosted the people we have today. I imagine it never will again. The Alliance and council sharing one roof, it's historic, and the meetings you've gone to? There'll never be an opportunity like this again."

"I understand, sir," Shepard said but wrinkled her brow.

"The Summit next year is going to decide a lot of things. We need to be prepared and think long term. There are pieces we haven't figured out yet. We'll need help aligning them. Nothing decided, but we do know you'll be part of bringing those pieces together, not just in the board room either."

"Sir?"

"The Normandy. It's what you've wanted. I know it."

Shepard straightened in her seat and tried to keep her voice cool. "I've been through a lot with her, sir."

The Normandy. The Normandy was exactly what she needed. It's what she'd been missing and why she felt so adrift and lost. The loss of the Normandy hollowed her, but now … She just needed her feet planted firmly on the deck again to find that barring again.

"She was crippled," Hackett said. "Losing the Cerberus's VI software gutted her. The damaged she sustained from the crash and traveling that long was considerable. She's under repair. The makeshift fuel recycling from flotilla technology was brilliant. We have quarians drawing up more serious schematics. It will be properly retrofitted. A lot of resources sinking into this one and time too, but worth it. The flotilla technology has its drawbacks, but it will be necessary for deep space travel. Get beyond the edge of the sol system, there's not much to help you along."

"What's in deep space, sir?"

"No solid plans. That can be a conversation for later. The Alliance Parliament has ideas. The Council too, but that will come later. For now, you can start thinking about a crew. The VI system is gone, but you'll have a skilled pilot. I think you know him."

Shepard grinned. Even if Joker was distempered, it was just one more piece to the whole. With the Normandy, things would be back in order again.

"Thank you, sir."

"I know you work well together. And I think it's important to have a familiar face, even more so when you've been through what you've been through."

"I appreciate that, sir."

"You've met Lieutenant Commander Anchor, too. I believe he talked to you in the council chamber. Unfortunately, there was some prearranged leave so he couldn't meet you more formerly. He'll be your XO. He'll be back in a month or so and you can meet him again then."

"Are you familiar with him?"

"Uh, no. He has a good track record with the Alliance. He served groundside on Earth during the war. He has connections. I think Parliament would like to give him his own command, but we're limited with ships and resources, so that won't happen. Not until the Relays come back up anyway. For now, he'll be working under you. I'll give you access to his records. I'm sure you're curious. Other than that, I will let you fill the crew as you wish. Alliance crew. It's not like war time. Back to the rules and ways we did them before."

"Understood, sir."

"That's all."

Shepard gave one solid nod and stood up. "Thank you, Admiral."

"Commander … just one thing."

Shepard paused. Hackett looked away for a moment. He tapped a pen against the desk before sighing and shifting his gaze back to her. His tone softened.

"Shepard. You do know what I mean when I say that things here on out, across the board, they go back to how they were before this mess? We've had years of chaos. No one blames someone for mistakes made under that pressure. The pressure you were under, your crew was under, it was enough to break most soldiers. But now, the war is over. Everything is being set right again. Order, chain of command, conduct." He gave her a level look. "It matters now. Be careful. Know the repercussions of your actions. You're a good soldier, maybe the best we have, but you're still an Alliance soldier. You're held to the same standards as the rest, maybe more so for the model you would be. I trust you will make good decisions for yourself, your career. I just want to be clear on the expectations. You understand what I'm saying, Commander?"

Shepard released a tight breath. "Of course, sir. I expect no less."

"Dismissed then, soldier." Hackett stood up and saluted her. "I will send you information on the ship, possible crewmen. The ship is under construction. When it's ready to be boarded, you'll be the first to know."

"Thank you, sir." Her hand snapped an unsteady salute. She dropped it fast and turned on her heels.

When the door slid shut behind her, she gave his assistant a tight smile and rushed across the reception room to the hall. She had the Normandy back. That's what she needed to remember.

X

Shepard spent weeks walking the decks of the Normandy. True, the Normandy was grounded in a docking bay. It wasn't shooting through space, but that was still hell of a lot closer to where she needed to be than she had been in a year. When she'd stood on the crucible staring the end in the face, she'd never imagined being here again, on this deck, this ship. Now, here she was. Everything was almost back to right. Shepard just had to get her in the sky again.

A stuffy dustiness hit her as she came into her cabin. The cleaning crew would be coming through later, and she needed to face it. Nothing had moved. Her datapads scattered across her desk in the same arrangement as the day she left them. A sharpie and highlighters lay against the stack of paperwork on the desk's back corner. Her coffee mug, the coffee long since evaporated, sat on top. It left a brown ring on the top folder when she moved it.

Her fish must be dead. The water stagnated with an empty murkiness. At least the dead fish had been cleaned out. That would have been unpleasant. Her hamster was gone too. Dead presumably. She'd get another though and more fish. It would be the same again.

She ran her hands across her desk, shifted some datapads, and dragged her fingers along the cool glass of the fish tank as she stepped down by her bed. The bed was unmade. She twisted away to face the clear display case of model ships looming above the couch. A bottle of wine stood half empty on the table next to an empty glass. The other wine glass lay on its side under the table. Shepard picked it up. Something caught her eye. Light bounced off a small piece of metal in the couch. Shepard tapped the wine glass down on the table and reached into the cushions. Her fingers touched a cool piece of metal, and she held it up in the light.

A silver button. It gleamed with a glossy silver finish. Light blinked through the four holes in the center as she turned it over in her fingertips. It was from an older issue Alliance uniform. A year before the war, the buttons had changed to a frosted, gold-rimmed silver along with adding shoulder clips and adjusted stitch color. Shepard squeezed her hand around the button and let it dig into her palm. It wasn't from one of her uniforms. Her uniforms were all new from when she was reinstated during the war. It wasn't hers. She opened her fingers. A wisp of broken thread stuck to the pink indent in her palm. Miranda was right. She was always too rough, too impatient. She let out a tight breath. She held it in her fist as she gazed around the room.

It was amazing the room had been left untouched. All those months trapped on a ship growing smaller by the minute, but it was as if no one had come here. No one had stayed here. The bed had the same sheet, same pillow cases, and the covers were still folded back on both sides. Everyone must have continued to bunk together in the crew rooms. Kaidan had taken command of the ship for months. Hell, he's probably commanded it longer than she had since being reinstated with the Alliance, but he clearly hadn't stayed here. Maybe it had too many memories. Maybe it had too many memories for her. But this was her ship again, she wouldn't be haunted by fading memories.

She rolled the silver button in her palm and walked to the disposal bin. She opened the lid and held out it over the bin. The cleaning crew was serving the ship tonight. It would be taken out before she came back. If she turned her palm over, just one quick motion, it would be gone. She wouldn't even need to upend her palm, a slight tilt would be enough. She looked at the trash bin and curled her fingers around the button. She slipped it into her pocket.

She straightened her shoulders and looked around the room. There were things needing to be done. She was wasting time lingering here. She had a new crew to recruit and train. It was time to focus ahead not behind. It was okay to remember though, just once in a while.

x

Joker hunched over his knees on a bench outside the docking bay. He didn't look up as Shepard came off the loading bridge and neared. He had to have heard the door open into the terminal. He certainly would hear her footsteps across the vinyl hallway. Maybe he was hoping that she'd continue on before needing to exchange words. She could walk right past, play along too, and pretend she hadn't seen him. She stood in front of him.

"Jeff."

He looked up with pinched features. A ruddy roughness mottled his skin, but he'd trimmed his beard and his Alliance uniform was pressed. The buttons on his collar caught the light. The gold rims flashed. His uniforms probably weren't much older than hers since they'd both been reinstated after their stint in Cerberus. Most soldiers probably had the older uniforms though. Really, the silver button could be anyone's.

She slipped down next to him on the bench. She hunched down beside him and folded her hands in front of her. Beyond the terminal's glass windows, the Normandy's hull gleamed in the overhead lights of the enclosed docking bay.

"Need to just go on," Joker murmured. "Awkward first day if I put it off. Probably do something to get myself hugged."

"The horror. They might even squeeze."

"Uh, you try getting a pity hug from the copilot and sitting next to him every day. It makes things weird."

"Right. Since hogging the piloting duties and redoing his flight plans doesn't make things weird."

He shrugged. Shepard sat for a moment longer then got to her feet.

"No one's aboard. Cleaning crew isn't due for a few hours. You're cleared as a crew member. Get on whenever you want."

He didn't say anything as he stared at the floor at his feet. Shepard backed up with a sigh and started down the hall.

"Hey, Commander."

Shepard turned. Joker didn't look up but his head tilted in her direction.

"See you on board," he said.

"Later, Joker."

She walked down the hall slipping a hand into her pocket. Her fingertips found the silver button. It had to be.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Shepard's eyes blurred as she recapped a sharpie and tossed it across the desk. She'd gotten back from a meeting and sat down to review only a couple of the potential crewmen's files. She'd gone over Anchor's file. Everything looked in order. If he kept in line with his history, he'd be a good shipman. There was something about it though, she couldn't quite put her finger on. Some of the records seemed a little too glowing, and there had been a lot of administrative positions over the years. Admiral Hackett said Anchor had connection.

She tucked a paper list of names into a desk drawer and stood. She'd gone through so many personnel files they were melding together. The ones the Alliance recommended weren't impressing her. She needed to stretch outside the files coming across her desk. Maybe she needed to do some of her own digging. Admiral Hackett had said she could assemble her own crew.

She rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand then turned the desk's terminal off. She flicked off the desk light and the room fell into darkness except for the dim lamp on her nightstand. She moved to her bed. The door buzzed.

Shepard looked back at the front door. It could be Liara again. It had been weeks since Shepard had seen her and Tali at that dextran fusion place. They still needed to try Angelo's sometime. It was pretty late though and Liara was so busy. Still, she had dropped by before unexpectedly. Shepard opened the door.

"Kaidan?"

He brushed past her into her room. "Sorry, Shepard. Just need to get out of the hallway."

Shepard frowned and turned to face him. "You shouldn't be here, Kaidan."

"I know."

She hit the door's close button. It slid shut behind her.

"I wanted to see you," he said.

"All right, you see me," Shepard put her arms out, "but you shouldn't be here. If you know that—"

"I leave in the morning," he said. "I know you're leaving too. Soon. I'm not sure when we'll see each other again. Maybe a long time, maybe years." He concentrated on his boots then looked up. "I can go though. I don't want to put you in a bad spot."

"No." Shepard sighed. "I didn't know you were shipping out."

"Only to Prague for now, my students are there, but when the relays are back there's a longer assignment. I don't know what, but we might miss each other before I go. It could be a long time."

Shepard nodded absently. The door behind her was closed. She knew that. Still, it felt wide open and exposing.

"No one knows I'm here. I didn't see anyone in the hall."

"You're aware that Admiral Hackett stays in the hall one section over?"

Kaidan's face blanched, but it passed. "No. I didn't know."

"Maybe you should have messaged me. I could have met you in public somewhere."

"That would be better?"

Shepard put her hands on her hips and drummed her fingers in thought. A public sighting would probably only flame the rumor's cinders.

"Well, maybe not," Shepard conceded, "but being seen here has a hell of a lot more implications, Kaidan."

He shifted on his feet then sighed. He took a step forward. "I'll go."

"Wait." Shepard put a palm against his chest.

He stopped. She snatched her hand back. It had been reflexive like grabbing at a falling pot of boiling water, a good way to get burned.

"You're already here," she said. "The chance of someone seeing you leave now is probably the same as leaving later. So, stay."

"I won't stay long. I didn't want to go without seeing you. You're still my friend. We went through a lot together. You don't just let people like that go without saying goodbye."

"All right. You've convinced me. I'll hang up with security."

"Gee, thanks. You're such a generous hostess."

"Ha, ha." Shepard brushed past him but not too close. She stepped down into the living room and turned on an end table's lamp. She gestured to the couch.

"Take a seat, Major."

"See, that generous hostess again."

He came down the steps and sat on the far couch.

"Hell, yeah, I'm generous," Shepard said. "It's the middle of the night. You're not aware of conventional visiting hours? You're way passed the cut off."

"Didn't see it posted anywhere. Your own fault if there's confusion."

"You need visiting etiquette posted, huh? Want some signs up as a reminder to keep your boots off the table and use coasters for cold drinks?"

He looked down at his boots. "They're clean. Besides, I don't have anything cold to forget to put on a coaster."

"Are you asking me for a beer?"

"A generous hostess would already have asked. You need more practice."

"I'll have to get my visiting hours posted first."

She walked up the steps to the fridge.

"You don't really have to get me one." He twisted back to look at her.

"Did you bring your ID?" Shepard pulled two bottles out. She strolled down and handed him one. "Here you go. On the house."

She clanked her bottle against his.

"On the house, eh?" He twisted off the cap and took a drink. "Even after I missed happy hour? I take back what I said about your hostess skills."

"Phew." She came around him and sat in the same corner on the other couch. "Could have lost ten minutes of REM worrying about that."

"Ten minutes? That shouldn't be worth more than five. You're more sensitive about your hostess skills than I thought. Good thing I apologized."

"Did you apologize? I don't think that counts as an apology."

"I said I took it back. Redacted it."

"Well, good enough, I guess."

They perched on the edge of the couches. Kaidan gave a wide look around the room and took another drink.

"Swanky, Shepard."

"See what celebrity buys."

"Didn't buy a large flat screen TV with it though. Guess celebrity can't buy everything."

"I have a large flat screen window." Shepard motioned in front of her. "Why do I need a TV?"

"That you do." He stood up staring at it. "Pretty amazing actually. Not a lot of windows like this in barracks."

"Celebrity, like I said."

"Probably doesn't get bioticball though."

He bent and paused with his bottle hovering over the coffee table. He turned looking over the end table and then back to the coffee table.

"Shepard! You don't even have any coasters."

"Oh." She took a swig. It was good. Everything felt right - the beer, everything. "I may have put the cart before the horse on that one."

"Cart before the horse?" He smirked. "Think how many generations of humans have said that. How many more generations will?"

"Still works."

"Well, yeah, it makes sense if you know what a horse is. Have you even seen a horse?"

"I was born on a colony. It's not like I never spent any time on Earth. Alliance's Historic Headquarters are here, you ass."

"You didn't answer the question."

"Fine." She put her beer on the table. "I've seen pictures."

"Pictures? Oh." Kaidan set his beer down next to hers. "Sitting with a horse expert the whole time."

"Damn right. Over my lifetime, I've probably seen five different pictures of horses and, after you leave, I'm gonna look up five more. Then I can say I've seen ten."

"Wow. Slow down." Kaidan put his palms up. "I see I've touched on something there."

"So, I take it you've seen horses?"

"Sure, lots of time, even ridden. But I grew up on Earth, lived on property, so really not that impressive coming from me."

Shepard stood up. "I think I'll stick to fish."

She rounded the opposite side of the coffee table and walked up to the window. Kaidan came up beside her.

"Kaidan, I'm impressed." She glanced over at him. "You actually looked for a coaster."

"Well, you may be an excellent hostess, but I'm an excellent guest."

"An excellent guest would have brought a house warming gift."

"Coasters," they said in unison.

Kaidan smiled over at her holding her gaze for a moment before turning to the window. In the room's dimness, the night sky stretched out before of them. There wasn't a moon tonight or not one in the part of the sky they could see.

Kaidan sighed and folded her arms. "Reminds me of the observation deck on the Normandy. Stars are just further away."

"A lot of things are further away than on the Normandy."

Kaidan glanced sideways at her. Shepard looked away.

"What's this mission in Prague?" she asked.

"Special ops securing the reaper tech being scavenged by roving interest groups. I'm more concerned about the Terra Firma activity though. The attacks are up. It's becoming more organized. They've been targeting the dextran factories, alien refuge shelters, assassinated or tried to assassinate who know how many. You heard about the turien delegation in Prague?"

Shepard nodded. "Poisoned, right?'

"Yeah, some new poison, works on every species we've seen. Seen it used orally and injected. The ones that lived had horrible amnesic hangovers, probably got less of a dose. Haven't been able to identify it yet."

"They'd didn't find the assassins?"

"For the Prague delegates? No, it was only one person. Some assassin Terra Firma's been contracting with. Damn good with biotics too. Killed an asari matriarch a couple months back. Caught her in the embassy garden."

"So, you're going to find this assassin in Prague?"

"Who knows where the assassin is now? Probably already left Europe. No, I'm more interested in the rumors coming out of Prague. Terra Firma's got some end game up their sleeve, an attack of some sort. With the relay's coming back up, their isolationist agenda's on a time table - smother the aliens and keep the relays offline."

"If that's true, why'd they stop targeting spacecrafts?"

"There's a leader now, someone organizing them, someone with a bigger vision. That's who I care about. There's not much intelligence on it. Worth digging into anyway."

"Sounds like you might get to use a gun."

"Maybe, but they keep pretty low profile. Probably think no one's paying much attention."

"I love giving wake up calls."

"Exactly." He looked sideways at her. "What about you though? They're sending you back out on the Normandy?"

"Word's already on the street, huh?"

"You think my source of information is the street?"

"Alliance News Network then? I hope it hasn't gotten that far," Shepard said. "I've been looking at personnel files. Except for my XO, Anchor, the admiral has me assembling my own crew."

"He knows you have instinct for putting together a good team."

"Yeah, well, I never went off files and words before. I met people, just ran into so many by happenstance."

"Fate?"

"Fate. Hmm, think there is such a thing?"

"I don't know. I don't know that there isn't."

"You come and joke with me then philosophize. You are a good guest or at least an interesting one."

"See."

They almost touched standing side by side facing out the window. Who had been the one to drift closer, Shepard wasn't sure. She should probably step away, but he was looking out the window. He didn't seem to be paying attention to it. It was fine, and there was still space between them.

"What's your assignment?" he asked. "If you can say."

"Something deep space. The Normandy's being retrofitted for it. Read something about Elliom in Hackett's back and forth with Parliament, and he mentioned some Mass Effect Shard in the Sol relay that's cracked. But I don't know, haven't gotten the rundown. Could do with the rogue mercs tapping our ships. Probably something just to keep lawlessness from taking advantage of the solar system while the powers out."

"Elliom?" he asked frowning into the window then shrugged. He looked back at her. "You don't have to retire the armor then?"

"Never. I mean, hell, I hope not. Something tells me though, I'll be using more words than bullets to solve problems."

"I don't know which you're faster on the draw with."

"You should see me draw both at the same time."

"I have."

"Just checking. Seeing if you remember."

"I remember." He caught her eye.

The quiet stretched between them. The pale lamp light lit one side of his face as he searched her eyes. She turned away.

"They'll be a lot of problems to resolve. I won't run out anytime soon," she said.

"I suppose there will be a lot to smooth out," he said.

"I suppose so." Shepard swallowed. "You know, before winning the war, a lot of things were said - agreements, promises, understandings. They offered things that maybe they shouldn't have. Now, it's reality." Kaidan watched her, hadn't looked away. "So, that's what I'll do. I don't want to be too involved, that's for the politicians, but I'll straighten things out where I can. Without the war, none of these pacts would have happened, even with me saying the exact same thing. We came together for the war, but now we've won, and it's a different place."

Kaidan seemed to consider it and looked back out the window. "It's a lofty task. I don't know if anyone can do, but if anyone can, it's you, Shepard."

"We'll see."

Kaidan looked away from the window. "I should go, Shepard. I don't want to keep you up."

Shepard nodded with a tight smile. He moved past her, and she followed him up the living room steps. They neared the door, and his steps slowed. He spun around.

"Look, Shepard. I—I don't know what to say. All I know is that we won this war, but for me, it feels like we lost. We're alive, standing, but that's not enough anymore. I don't want to just be alive to breathe and go through the motions. I want you, Shepard. I've always wanted you."

"Kaidan …"

"I know, I know, but I wanted you to know that. That's how I feel."

"That may change."

"I don't think so, Shepard."

"Kaidan, there's too much invested in the Alliance, what we do, who we are."

"What about what's invested in us?"

"Kaidan. I know you mean what you're saying, but trust me, you'll regret it. You've done too much to get where you are. I've heard you talk about the biotics program, your students. A few more years, there'll probably be another promotion. Maybe sooner. Don't do anything stupid. I don't want to live with that, and I won't accept it. Give it time. After a while you'll be relieved you stayed the course. This path was always your future, your dream." He didn't say anything as he held her eyes. She sighed. "When you were a kid on Jump Zero, imagine how you'd see yourself now - all the good you've done, all the good you will do, everything you've worked so hard for and to become. Don't give that up, you'd regret it. I'd regret it."

Kaidan stepped closer. "I don't know, Shepard. I understand what you're staying, and it makes sense. But at the same time … I don't know. But, I'll step aside. I don't want to cause any problems." He reached out and touched her face. Then he leaned in and kissed her.

This kiss was light and soft, a breath of oxygen to air-starved lips. She could smell him, hear each breath across her cheek, feel the warm off his skin. So near after all this time, it ignited a flash fire combusting out of her chest. Flames raced through her veins. All those months in the hospital thinking he was gone, and he was here now holding her face. The pulse under his skin, flush of warmth from his fingertips, taste of his breath – it sent her spinning. All her senses and scattered thoughts boiled with the relief of his thumb caressing her cheek. He was here.

He pulled away, and their lips broke. Gravity lurched up her throat tearing through her chest as he drew back. Missing him had left an emptiness. It fell over her again like a shadow. Her hands flashed up and caught his face. Their eyes locked. She drew him back with her fingertips, and the hollowness in his eyes kindled. He searched her eyes almost frantically as she leaned in and kissed him.

It was strong and fierce. Her fingertips dug into the curve of his jaw, and as his mouth opened to her, she surged against him. Breathless and dizzy, she smelled him, tasted him, felt the grain of his jaw under her chin. His fingers slid through her hair tightening in the strands above her neck. A drumming in her ears drowned away the feverish hitch in each breath. Her fingers trailed down his neck, and he shivered. A smile split her lips as she pressed tighter against him. Each breath burned faster and stronger as his chest labored against hers. Her fingertips traced the button at his collar and released it. She fumbled with the next kissing him harder and deeper. He grabbed the back of her hands, broke the kiss.

"No. I – I should leave."

Heat flashed in her chest. " _You_ kissed _me_."

"I know," he said. He lowered her hands and stepped back. "I probably shouldn't have. I'm sorry."

"You're already here."

"I can't. It wouldn't change anything, and I don't think my heart could take it. Bye, Shepard."

He reached forward and touched her face lightly. He smiled weakly then backed up and turned to the door. Shepard couldn't move. The door slid open, and he leaned out looking both directions before turning back to her.

"Kaidan ..."

"Be careful out there, Shepard."

He left. The doors slid shut. She stared at it. And maybe for the first time, she hated him. Her bones chilled deep. She'd been fine an hour ago, getting better. Well, maybe not better, but better than this. Anything was better than this.

She shuffled down to the coffee table and snatched up his partial bottle of beer. She threw her head back taking two prolonged gulps to finish it and stared down at it in her hand. Her fist clenched around it, and she hurled it across the room at the recycler. It boomed against the wall, ricocheting, and skipped across the linoleum. She sank to the floor by the sofa as a heaviness fell over her. She looked up at the stars. For the first time, she even hated them.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Shepard straightened her uniform in the mirror. She had her Omni-Tool. She had her datapad. She smoothed her hair. Everything in order.

She walked out of the bathroom. The vid comm flashed on her desk. Someone was calling. She had a few minutes. She started forward but stumbled. An empty beer bottle rolled against her foot. She picked it up. She opened the recycle and placed it inside before continued to her desk. A small image appeared on her terminal's feed.

"Wrex."

"Shepard!"

"Haven't seen you around. Where you been?"

"London. Still here. Not as much fun without reapers to kill."

Shepard chuckled with lifted eyebrows. "Never thought I'd hear anyone wishing the Reapers back."

"Just to fight. They were a challenge. Appreciate that. And we'd win. Again. Krogan always win a fight."

"Well, I think there were more than just Krogan in this one, Wrex."

"True. Needed the turnout for our biggest fight yet. My people will talk about it for years to come. Tell their children about it, now we have some. Probably already have some born by now on Tuchanka."

"I'm sure you're right."

"You will visit Tuchanka when the relays come back. You will be amazed by the krogan young. Born warriors. Youth sparing makes them strong. Always had to stop the young fighting before. Too precious to risk harm until adulthood. Now, tradition can be restored. A new age of krogan. United clans once more. And expansion. There will be glory again."

"Don't worry me, Wrex." Shepard leaned over the desk on one hand. "I don't know what you mean by expansion yet."

"It was agreed. New planets. Space to grow. Expand. You promised me, Shepard."

"I can't make promises for any race delivering planets over to the krogan. But, I did promise to help. And I will. I'm sure there are a lot of places your people'll make into colonies."

Wrex rolled his shoulders and paced on the screen. "That's why I call, Shepard. The Council won't schedule a hearing to address these things. No one's works on our relay."

"All the races are working on their own relays, Wrex."

"Not Earth's!" He raised his hand as he paced.

"Don't act like you don't know why that's the exception. But, I will help you. The krogan can be important contributors to the galaxy as a united people, and you did help win the war. There's a way to start the future off on the right foot, but you'll have to be patient, Wrex. This won't happen overnight."

"This, I know. But I must be heard. I, Urdnot Wrex, must be recognized as voice of the krogan. There is much to discuss. Before the relay is fixed, and they leave, they must listen first."

"I'll see what I can do about getting an audience with the Council."

"Tuchanka has a true friend in you, Shepard. More than any alien before."

"I can't promise anything. Anything more than promising I'll push my hardest."

"Then that's enough. I know how hard you push."

Wrex grinned. His image was so much clearer than the last vid communication she'd received from that far.

"Wrex, I wish I could talk longer. I have an appointment with Alliance leadership."

"Ha. Onto the next battle, huh, Shepard? You get the Normandy back?"

"Yes. Yes, I did."

"Good. Talk to the Council for me. I'll wait."

"Thanks, Wrex."

The image blipped out. Shepard checked the time. None to waste. She couldn't start a meeting being the late subordinate.

X

"Commander Shepard."

"Admiral Wilson. Pleased to meet you."

Admiral Hackett's office felt too small with all the stern faces. She clasped Wilson's hand. He gave a firm pump staring at her with hard eyes. Shepard smiled tightly. Lieutenant Commander Anchor stood between Wilson and Hackett and saluted her. The man in corner though, watched her coolly and didn't speak.

"Flight Admiral Dumas," Hackett introduced.

Shepard knew him. He was in parliament on her first day of active duty out of the hospital. They'd made such a show putting her in her place. Then they'd assigned her to all those damned meetings refusing to discuss anything that actually mattered. They'd made it quite clear she was an Alliance subordinate first, not hero of the people. Spectre was her side job, good for her, but that didn't matter to them. She was a staff commander with no more input or authority than her rank signified. Period.

Dumas didn't offer a handshake. Maybe he was waiting for her. She saluted him, and he sighed giving a weak return.

"I have things to do, admirals. We can talk later."

He walked out of the room. Hackett's office door closed behind him.

"Please, sit, sit." Admiral Hackett indicated the couch and chairs in the corner.

Lieutenant Commander Anchor lead the way. The four of them took a seat.

"Commander," Hackett continued looking at Shepard, "as you may have gathered from the messages back and forth, Admiral Wilson will be your direct superior. You will report to him. He's been tasked with overseeing your missions."

Shepard eyed Wilson opposite the table from Hackett. His bald head reflected light from the window like a polished floor. His eyes narrowed at her from shadowed purple hollows. She'd never seen anyone with such sunken, deep set eyes. She gave a nod in his direction.

"I understand, sir."

"Lieutenant Commander Anchor has already been serving under Admiral Wilson. In fact, the admiral recommended him to this position. I'm confident you'll make a strong team."

Anchor bared his teeth at her in a smile. She flashed a quick smile back. There was something about him, but maybe she was just biased since she hadn't handpicked him.

"The Normandy is nearing completion," Hackett said. "You've chosen your crew. Still waiting to hear on some of them. They'll need oriented and trained, but it's coming together. A while more, you'll start on the mission."

"Which is, sir?" she asked Hackett.

Admiral Wilson cleared his throat. Shepard rotated her head to him.

"You will address me for those questions, Commander." Wilson lifted his eyebrows. "Are we clear, soldier?"

Shepard suppressed a frown. "Aye, aye, sir."

He gazed back at her steadily. It was too intense of a normal look. He was waiting. Maybe he wanted her to readdress the question to him or maybe just be the first to look away. She intertwined her fingers on her crossed knee and waited. She gave him a wide smile. The leather creaked as Admiral Hackett shifted in his chair.

"Perhaps, Admiral, we should continue," Hackett said.

Anchor sat forward cutting off Shepard's eye contact with Wilson. "What is our first mission, if you don't mind me asking, sir?"

Shepard frowned at the back of Anchor's head.

"Well, Lieutenant Commander, Staff Commander," Admiral Wilson said. "Your first mission is one of a sensitive nature. Meaning, it's classified." He paused. "You understand what that means, correct?"

"Of course, sir," Anchor said.

"Commander?"

Anchor scooted back enough for Shepard to see Wilson again.

"Yes, sir," she said.

"Good. That means that besides this room, the flight admirals, of course, and the Council, no one will know the details of the mission. This includes your crew. It includes everyone. They'll know what they need to get the job done, and that's it."

Shepard glanced at Anchor. It was unusual include her XO in the briefing of something apparently so highly classified would. Wilson seemed to notice the look.

"Your XO is an important backup, Commander. That's why he's here. I expect you to work as a team. He will be included in all briefings. If something were to happen to you—"

"Happen to me?" Shepard frowned.

"As it could on any mission," Wilson said. "Your XO would need to recover the mission. Assuming the main objective has been complete, the mission could still be successful."

Shepard turned back to Hackett who was also frowning now.

"Do I have your attention?" Wilson snapped.

Shepard whipped her head back to Wilson.

"It's important someone else on the ship knows the full mission and its importance."

"Understood, sir," Shepard said pinching her fingers together so tightly across her knee they hurt.

"Good. Now, you've heard about our progress on the relays. We hope to have an end date next summer, hopefully to shortly follow the Summit. We've made great progress, but there's been a problem."

"The cracked shard?" Shepard asked. At Wilson's raised eyebrows and set mouth, she shrugged. "Is that meant to be classified? The Alliance is trying to replicate it, right?"

"Right," Wilson said stiffly and glanced at Hackett with a frown. He turned his eyes back to Shepard. "It hasn't worked, even with the Council onboard the project. We can't replicate it. We've tried for months. Even with the help of that prothean, we're at a standstill."

"Do we need it? Is there a workaround?" Shepard asked.

"No," Wilson said flatly. "You even know what we're talking about? There's no workaround."

"I … maybe not," Shepard said.

"The Sol relay's probably the most damaged of all the relays. It took that initial burst. The Meridian Orb, your 'Mass Effect Shard,' uses the eezo core to amplify the effect field over the relay. We are continuing the rebuilding of the relay, but without the orb, it will never function. There isn't a piece of technology available to substitute that. We need another one."

"What size of a component are we talking about?" Shepard asked.

"Small. Compared to the rest of the relay, infinitesimal. Smaller than the palm of your hand."

"So, we're stealing it from another relay?" Shepard said looking between the admirals.

Anchor's eye widened.

"In a way, yes," Wilson said. "It's not so simple though. The thing is, we don't know how to remove it and keep it intact. We've been calling it cracked, but last week, we tried to remove it for repair. It's powder now. Our engineers warned that removing the shard, even if it wasn't cracked, was impossible."

"Sounds like a problem then."

"But one with a solution. There may be a way. We just need to know how to do it properly."

"If Javik doesn't know, then who would?"

"There's a research station off Elliom—"

"Elliom? That's deep space."

Wilson glared. "Don't interrupt me again, Commander."

Shepard took a deep breath digging her nails into the back of her hand.

"Sorry, admiral."

"I'm not familiar with it, Admiral," Anchor said.

Wilson's eyes flitted to Anchor. "Elliom's a small planet, livable but never colonized. Wildlife, you understand, makes it uninhabitable. That, and there's a dormant relay on the surface. Were you aware of that, Commander Shepard?"

Shepard gave a stiff shrug and kept her smile fixed.

"Per an Alliance agreement with the turiens, the location has been kept confidential. There's a research station at the dig site, also classified. Extensive research on the protheans and the relay has, or had, been going on for years. The relay is almost fully excavated."

"So, we're taking the orb from this dormant relay. How, if we don't know how to extract it?"

"The protheans on Elliom were involved in building the relay. In fact, we're not even sure, if we were to activate it, if it would work or if it's even finished. We know from schematics that there is a Meridian Orb. The crucible's blast only touched active relays, not dormant ones. It will still be in good condition."

"Extracting it, though? You said the mission fails without me. Why?"

"Very good. You see, Commander," Wilson sat up higher in his chair, "we need your prothean cipher. I read that you understood prothean communication signals on Eden Prime when no one else could. Dr. Liara T'Soni couldn't even tell there was a message in that static."

"So, you think I'll be able to understand information harvested from the prothean ruins. There's no other way to get the information to me?"

"The research station is on Elliom. There isn't a functional comm buoy around for light years. You cross out of Sol, and you're on your own out there. A Council's quantum communicators are about the only method of communication, and it has to be linked to its matching platform. There are only a handful, and only one pair that is operation. Or will be operational soon. The Normandy's."

"The council is involved in this, then?"

"Naturally. This concerns the relay. You're a Spectre and Alliance soldier. It's a collaboration. However, that doesn't mean they're calling the shots. It's an Alliance vessel, Alliance crew, and you're Alliance. Don't forget that. You have fidelity to the Council, but you're accountable and obedient to the Alliance."

Shepard frowned and leaned back in the couch. Anchor shifted back further in his seat to not block Wilson's view of her. Admiral Hackett's chair squeaked as he shifted. A hardness pinched his face as he watched Wilson.

"Okay." Shepard turned her attention back to Wilson. "So, I fly out to Elliom, decipher the directions for extracting the orb, take it from the dormant relay, and come back bearing the last piece needed to finish the Sol relay?"

"Essentially. Bring back the Elliom researchers as well."

"We know they're alive?"

"We don't know anything," Wilson grumbled. "The nearest comm buoy's been out for over a year, but if they're alive, turien and human, bring them back."

Anchor sat forward suddenly. "How many humans?"

"The station was home to a range of scientists, military officers, and political liaisons. Twenty-seven."

"Twenty-seven!" Shepard's shot to the edge of the couch and peered around Anchor. "Twenty-seven?"

"You didn't hear me?" Wilson said. "Let me repeat myself, Commander. Twenty-seven. Two, seven. Understand that now? In addition to the researchers, a turien general had his ship in the area, the Medurrus. They diverted to Elliom after a reaper encounter took out their main thrusters. The general's a war hero. It will help turien-human relations by recovering the survivors. Anyone you find, you bring back. I don't care how many."

Shepard glanced at Hackett and Anchor before turning back to Wilson. "Yes, sir. The Normandy wasn't built to bunk over fifty members of crew and survivors. And, how long is this mission? It's a remote system. We're talking light years. This must be—"

"Months, yes," Wilson said. "You don't think this has all been thought out beforehand, Commander? You think you're the only one considering the ramifications of what we're asking you to do? Be assured, Alliance Parliament has discussed this at length."

"And the Council?"

"To some length, of course. They know about the situation with the relay. Believe me, it has a far bigger impact on them than us."

"Really?" Shepard settled on the very edge of the couch with tightening muscles. "Earth doesn't exactly have unlimited resources, Admiral. I think reopening the relay and seeing the aliens home would be an Alliance priority, too."

Wilson's eyes widened. He sat forward. "Careful, Commander. I don't take insubordination. I don't need explicit infractions to censure you. We need your cipher, but don't think you're indispensable. We're not at your mercy. We can find other options if we need it. Go rogue or be insubordinate, you'll never fly the Normandy again, Commander. Clear?"

Shepard twisted to look at Hackett again. He seemed to purposefully not look at her. She looked back quickly to Wilson's expectant gaze.

"Of course, sir."

"Understand I don't care about your Spectre status. I don't care about your … 'commendations.' Your service is, of course, appreciated, but it doesn't make you anything other than an Alliance soldier who did her duty. I think we're done here. I have an advisory board meeting in an hour." He got to his feet. "We will speak again tomorrow and go over further details then."

"Shouldn't we …" Shepard stood slowly, then trailed off under Wilson's glare. "Thanks for taking the time to discuss this with me, sir."

"My assistant will send you a meeting time," Wilson said. He nodded at Hackett. "Admiral."

They filed to the door. Admiral Hackett followed last.

"Commander Shepard, one moment, please."

Wilson paused halfway through the door. The sharp glance and set jaw made Shepard want to keep moving forward.

"Admiral Hackett, anything I should know?" he asked.

"No, Admiral. Just a quick word with the commander."

Admiral Wilson twisted back to the reception area and marched out. His heavy steps echoing back. Anchor gave Shepard a nod before following after him.

"Come in, Commander. Close the door."

"Yes, sir."

Hackett stood quietly until they heard the door click shut.

"Okay, Shepard. I have no say over this. He's a hard man, but a good one in his way. You'll learn to work with him."

"But, why do I need to, sir?" Shepard said.

"It was the Alliance Parliament's choice. Flight Admiral Dumas thought it best. The others sided with him. I didn't have a say."

"A strong arm to manage the unruly Commander Shepard, then? Keep her in her place."

"You're strong personality, you'll make it work."

Shepherd crossed her arms but gave a quick nod. "Of course."

She looked back at the door. Hackett rubbed his jaw watching her then finally cleared his throat.

"Something off the record, Shepard, before you go. There are a lot of rumors and activity. I wouldn't be surprised if you were on their radar. Repairing the relay, certainly is, and this mission is an important part of that. Be careful."

"Who's radar?"

"Terra Firma."

"The terrorist group?" Shepard frowned.

"They're more powerful than you may think. Just, be careful. That's all I had to say, Commander."

X

Shepard walked out of Hackett's office with a deep frown. Lieutenant Commander Anchor was sitting on one of the hallway's couches by the window. He rose when he saw her approach.

"Commander," he said.

"You didn't need to wait for me," she said slowing but continuing down the hall.

"I just want to be involved. What was all that about?" He stepped in line with her.

"You always so nosey, Lieutenant Commander?" she asked.

"No, just curious."

"If Admiral Wilson wanted you to know, he would've held you back too. He didn't."

"Fine."

"Fine?" Shepard stopped short turning to him.

He regarded her for a cold moment, and she raised her eyebrows at him.

"Fine, ma'am," he corrected.

"Better. Don't make me act like Admiral Wilson."

Shepard started ahead and Anchor fell in beside her again. She turned the corner to the council wing, and he kept pace.

"Are you following me?" she asked.

"You're headed to see the Council, right?" Shepard narrowed her eyes, and he added, "We're going that direction. How about I tag along? Learn something."

"You're hardly an ensign, Commander Anchor. You've probably only served a few years less than I have."

He gave that canine smile again. "You're the great Commander Shepard, right?"

"Just be yourself. You don't need to be like me. You have an excellent record. I'm sure you'll be fine."

"Good advice, Commander. I will just hang in the background. Won't be a bother."

Shepard glanced sideways at him. "Go check on the ship, run diagnostics, recheck everything. It's a work-in-progress. Bring me an update."

"There are engineers working on that. They'd write up a better report on it than I would, ma'am. If you're against me accompanying you, perhaps there's something I'm better suited for that I can do for you, Commander?"

Shepard stopped again and faced him. "I told you what you could do, Lieutenant Commander, and I mean it. The XO oversees the crew, oversees the daily operation of the ship. I won't explain myself again. When I give an order, Commander, I expect you to follow it."

His face hardened. "Aye, aye, Commander."

"Report on my desk tonight. You can go."

He rushed past her. Shepard followed him with her eyes as he hurried around the slower traffic. When he turned down another hallway out of sight, Shepard's spine loosened. He'd taken the left hallway past the second vid conference room. It was the right direction to the Normandy's dock. Shepard started back down the hall.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Shepard stormed into the auxiliary council chamber. Compared to the main council chamber, the room seemed shrunken and claustrophobic. The councilors sat at a long table cluttered with datapads and going through the day's notes. Ilk smirked at a news vids flashing on his Omni-Tools. A lamp on each end of the table provided the only light.

"Councilors." She marched up to the table.

Tevos's two assistants looked up from their datapads in the corner then recognizing her looked backed down.

"Councilors did you—"

"Let me finish this." Ilk glared touching his ear piece.

A stack of articles, actual paper, fanned out in front of him. Uncapped highlights and smeared ink shorthand covered the pages. He leaned back over them with a pen and made some more scribbles. Shepard sighed. Tevos covered a yawn with the back of her hand, shifted in her chair, and glanced over at Ilk. Sparatus stared out the window at the end of the table. The bare branches of trees on the lawn cut black silhouettes against the purpling sunset.

"Spectre Shepard." Mason propped an elbow on his chair's armrest and rested his face on his fist. "We agreed to meet with you. We're here, but let's make this quick. It's been a long day in hearings. Early day tomorrow."

"Thank you."

"I'm trying to finish this!" Ilk snapped.

"Then go off and do it," Sparatus grumbled shoving some of Ilk's papers out of his space on the desk. "The rest of us want to go home. Some of us have lives outside of paperwork and numbers."

Ilk plucked out his earpiece. "I cannot help that your baser—"

"Let's just get on with it," Tevos said. "Go on, Shepard. What did you need to talk to us about? But like Mason said, let's make it quick, shall we?"

"Doable." Shepard stood in front of them. "This mission for the relay? You know about it?"

Tevos's eyes widened. She glanced over at her assistants.

"They should go," Mason lowered his voice turning to Tevos.

Tevos nodded and flickered her hand to dismiss them. Shepard waited for the door to close behind them leaving her alone with the councilors.

"Then, you do know about it?"

"Of course, we do." Tevos sighed. "It's been a major source of … contention."

"Contention?"

"The Alliance is using it as a power game. What else? Vying for primach of the galaxy," Sparatus said.

"As a Spectre with Council authority, I should be under your direction on this. I don't need their oversight."

"We don't have the upper hand right now," Tevos said.

"They're squelching us," Sparatus spat. "The upper hand may not be ours again for a long time."

"They can't grind us down that far," Tevos said.

"Can't they?" Sparatus leaned forward on the desk looking past Ilk to Tevos. "They've already taken over the relay construction. The Council is currently located in Alliance Headquarters. We're using their resources. After we leave here, we still have the Citadel floating above Earth. And, reconstructing it? Who's going to take charge of that, you think? Who's going to be flooding the Citadel in a ratio of five to one with this new location? Humans, Alliance. They're not pushing us around for the fun of it right now. No, they're laying groundwork. I'm a turien. I'd know."

"I've lived over eight hundred years," Tevos smiled indulgently. "It will come back around."

"For you," Ilk said bitingly.

"What if I just did this mission for the Council?" Shepard said taking a step forward.

Tevos frowned. "What do you mean? Without your sponsor?"

"Without the Alliance. Without their oversight."

"Ha," Ilk grabbed a datapad off the table. He shook his head as he looked down at it.

"That's ridiculous," Sparatus muttered.

"Why? Spectres can be autonomous," Shepard said.

"Sure," Sparatus said. "How are you getting there? Who's going with you?"

"I have friends."

"Friends with their own weapons, gear, ships, money, resources?"

Shepard shrugged and crossed her arms. "Maybe plus or minus."

"There's no way," Sparatus said again.

Tevos sat forward. "Shepard, I understand your frustration. We're frustrated, too. No one likes being pushed around, but our hands are tied. We can't undermine them, even if it were possible. We won't give you authority to go over the Alliance's head. You'll burn your bridges. We all need those bridges. Maybe in the next twenty, twenty-five years—"

"Twenty-five years?" Shepard walked up to the table and put her hands on it. "You think your hands are going to be tied for twenty-five years? Are you joking?"

"I'm sorry. You need to realize - yes, you're a Spectre, you're our agent, but you're also Alliance. We're not going to supersede them. We need to stay on their good side. Throw away the Alliance, and there's even less we can do for you. In time, we may have more resources and influence again, but that time is far off, I warn you. You need your human sponsors. The Council doesn't give Spectres anything but a blind eye to do what is needed for the galaxy. Right now, we can't even give you that."

"Very well," Shepard said sharply.

"You called us together to talk about this?" Sparatus said. "Don't bother next time."

"Actually no," Shepard said. "I wanted to talk to you about something else, Councilors. The krogan—"

"No!" Sparatus said. "We won't discuss that."

"Urdnot Wrex—"

"Spectre," Tevos said. "We are aware of his attempts to contact us. The Council, at this time, must focus on matters of priority."

"This is a matter of priority, Councilors."

"You'll leave now, Spectre." Sparatus's face twisted as he stood up. "You've wasted enough of our time today."

"A moment …"

"No!" Sparatus boomed.

"Wait, Sparatus." Ilk looked alert for the first time. "I will hear what she has to say."

Sparatus grumbled, shaking his head, and stacked datapads together on the desk. He didn't sit down.

"When we started this war, we needed help," Shepard said. "No one did it alone. Coming together was a factor, the factor, in why we're here instead of the reapers. The krogans were part of that."

Sparatus straightened his back and squared off to her. He opened his mouth, but Ilk touched his sleeve with a frown. Ilk turned back to Shepard.

"We needed them then, and they came," Shepard said. "Just like all of us. They sacrificed like all of us. Bled, died, lay wounded like all of us. Lost ships, were stranded."

Ilk shifted in his seat. "Some would say curing the genophage was payment enough."

Tevos regarded Shepard with thinning eyes. "The future holds who knows what crises now because of that cure."

Shepard lifted her shoulders and let them drop in a shrug. "The future holds a lot of things, good and bad, but you can have some agency in its direction. What do you think happens if you refuse to talk with the first krogan in centuries who's united the clans?"

Ilk shrugged. "With a nonfunctional mass relay, they will be contained."

"For a time," Shepard said. "The krogan were great once though. They figured out how to activate the relay once before. Without our help, yes, the relay may take generations, but they'll fix it."

Sparatus sputtered. "That's assuming they could be cohesive enough to work together despite all their bickering and chaotic warfare."

"If that's true then why do you even fear them? You fear them being cohesive enough for an invasion but don't think they'll be cohesive enough to fix the relay? Probably be step one in an invasion. Besides, I've found nothing brings people together quite like a common enemy."

Sparatus crossed his arms but didn't speak. Ilk, Tevos, and Mason sat silent.

"By the time they're advanced and collected enough to reactivate the relay, they'll have expanded in size, and they'll be angry and bitter. Our unfulfilled bargain will fester through generations. But, if you reach out to them now, you can shape how the krogan's civilization grows. Progress it into something different. Please, Councilors, just listen to him."

Tevos leaned forward and put her chin on steepled fingers. "We did fulfill our bargain, they have nothing to complain about. The genophage, quite against the Council's wishes, is cured."

"Sure, the genophage is cured. Whether you think it's true or not, they see that as what they were due. It's not a gift on our side, but repaying an old debt. It doesn't win us anything, only sets us square. Cooperate with them, Councilors. Reinstate them as recognized contributors for the galaxy. Help them find room to grow, expand, and direct it in the way you want instead of it bursting at the seams into an invasion. If you help them, you help yourselves. You'll be seen as magnanimous. That breeds loyalty, which can also pass through generations. You don't easily forget, and certainly don't turn again the people who sacrificed to help you when you needed it most."

They regarded her silently. Councilor Mason smiled at her.

"Spectre, you've been at our meetings for months. You have a lot to say for never saying anything."

The other councilors sat quietly. Sparatus picked up his stack of datapads and held them to his chest.

"Thank you, Spectre. We will think on this," Tevos said.

Shepard nodded and left.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Shepard leaned over the bar staring down into the shallow remains in her glass. The bartender reached for it. She slapped a hand on top of it.

"I'm still drinking that."

"Another?"

"Better not."

The man shrugged. He moved down the bar at a turien waving an empty cup.

"Commander Shepard, right?"

A gorilla of a man sat next to her on a stool. She frowned clutching her glass and turned on her barstool. She hopped off.

"Where you going? I wanted to buy …"

She was already halfway across the bar. Really a seedy kind of place. Too techno and low-lifed even for Garrus. The whole time, he'd looked around them wondering who they'd see knifed first. He'd wondered if they'd still make the morning news if drug authorities burst through the door right then. Either way, it was a perfect place for right now. Except, she wished she didn't look like Commander Shepard. A group of men in the corner leered at her as she passed. She flopped down in a corner booth and glared at a quarrian crossing the room toward her. He stopped. She glared harder, and he backed up and turned back to the bar.

She rested back into the bench cushions and pushed her glass around in front of her on the table. She flicked on her Omni-Tool and squinted into the orange glow. She'd missed a call from Miranda. Shepard deleted the prompt. She was tired of playing the sick patient. She slouched down on the bench and searched through pages of new footage on her screen. Her fingers paused. She settled her head against the bench and stared at the screen on her forearm. She smiled.

"Who's that?" a voice said over her shoulder.

Shepard bolted upright and snapped the Omni-Tool screen down. She spun around. Aria T'Loak slid her fingers along the top of the bench as she circled around and sat beside her.

"Aria."

"Commander Shepard."

"What are you doing?"

"On Earth or in the Dungeon? Surely, you knew I was on Earth?"

"I'd heard something about it."

Aria reclined into the seat. Shepard scooted over to make room as Aria folded her legs out under the table.

"No bodyguards?" Shepard glanced around.

"I can take care of myself."

"I thought it was more for status."

"What status?" Aria hissed. "You heard what happened to Omega? You helped me retake it. Shouldn't have bothered."

"Yeah," Shepard murmured. "Reapers don't really seem to care about the effort I put into things. If there was something worth destroying, they helped themselves."

"So they did," Aria said looking over at Shepard. "You're the first face I've cared to see in who knows how long."

"Haven't made any friends?"

"I have my hired connections. Merc's here and there. Hoped to still be useful to the Council but apparently not. Alliance seems to agree."

"Your Blue Suns shot down two Alliance cruisers."

" _My_ Blue Suns?" Aria rolled her eyes lazily. "Everyone knows they aren't my Blue Suns. They threw me off, took off on their own. I didn't direct them to steal that warship. Wouldn't have bothered. Now what good are they? They're fugitives dashing around the Sol system, hitting cargo vessels to find their next meal."

"Yeah, well, you conveniently lost control of them right before they killed a hundred Alliance personnel."

"Lost control?" Aria said softly. "You have no control without fear. Hard to inspire fear when I'm stranded here. Power over no one. Power over nothing. Laughing stock of the Council. And the Alliance."

"They're giving you some award, aren't they?" Shepard asked with a sigh.

"A medal and a plaque? Think that makes up for not backing me on Omega? On the Citadel, my mercs were killing themselves to support my agreement with the Council. Omega gets targeted? Nothing. Apparently, a Council aid agreement works one way."

"Everyone's aid agreement worked that way. It was war on a galaxy wide level, Aria."

"Wouldn't even let me recall my mercs. I couldn't get word to them they were so scattered. Now Omega's a floating cloud of dust in the Terminus system."

"Like Arcturus, like Betariuva, like Taurten." Shepard sighed again.

"And, will a plaque make up for what you've lost, Shepard? We can get our picture together at the award ceremony I hear."

"Sure, let's plan on it." Shepard gazed droopily around the room.

Aria eyed her with a sly smile. "What are you doing here? All alone. The great Commander Shepard."

Shepard tapped the glass in front of her as an answer. A thin veil of amber sloshing around the bottom.

"Look's almost empty," Aria said.

"Eh, just not full." Shepard put an elbow on the table and moved the glass around with her other hand. "Not full at all."

Aria stared at her. "Commander Shepard has rough nights, too, then."

"You're having a rough night?" Shepard asked.

"Every night is a rough night." Aria spread her arms across the back of the bench. "I'm a nobody now living on a planet of ingrates."

"Planet of ingrates?" Shepard frowned. "Losing Omega's made you pretty sour. Everyone's in the same boat. We've all lost something."

"Right," Aria muttered looking around the room, then turned her attention back to Shepard.

Shepard picked up her glass and swallowed the last mouthful.

"That, what you lost?" Aria asked. "Your little picture there? News vid, was it?"

"What?" Shepard frowned.

"On your Omni-Tool. Don't bother to be coy, I saw it. Mooning over some man?"

"No." Shepard shoved her glass away and sat back in her seat.

"I recognized him. One of your crew. I bothered to look them over before deciding I couldn't trust them to recover Omega. For nothing now. I was right to trust you though, for a time. Still, wouldn't have trusted them. And him? I saw the same news footage. Europe, some bust outside of Prague. Poor skittering, little terrorist didn't have a chance."

Aria eyed her. Shepard shrugged a shoulder.

"Keeping current."

"Don't patronize me, Shepard. Please. You think I care? You screwing some crewmate?"

"This conversation's done."

Shepard scooted around to get out the other side of the table. Aria grabbed her arm in a vice. Shepard's nostrils flared as she whipped around. Aria let go with a smile.

"Touchy, I see."

"See what?" Shepard snapped.

"Hey, let me give you some advice. You gave me some help once."

"Once? More than once, Aria. I don't need advice."

"Yes, you do."

Aria grabbed Shepard's sleeve again. Shepard wrenched her arm away, but Aria kept hold.

"Aria!"

"Heard you may be walking around with a target on your back. Got a lot of criminal underworld sorts and uniformed ones as enemies, Shepard."

"Not news." Shepard sighed.

"My advice is this. Make yourself strong, protect yourself, don't let them use your weak spots."

"Weak spots?"

"Ah, you know your weak spots." Aria grinned.

"Well, I twisted my right ankle once. Never been the same."

Aria watched her coolly. She drummed her fingers on the back of the bench.

"Ankle or heel, Shepard? There's a story here about a strong soldier who's only weak point was the back of his foot. It brought him down."

"And what's my weakness then, Aria?" Shepard asked.

"You were looking at it earlier, Shepard. Those sorts of attachments don't turn out well. Your Achilles heel. People like us need to be strong the whole way through."

"You're saying this because of Nyreen." Shepard rolled her eyes.

"Nyreen wasn't my weakness. She died. It didn't make me weaker, because I didn't let it. I said goodbye to her long before we met again on Omega. She killed herself so stupidly, but it didn't derail me. I retook Omega."

"And, see what that got you - stranded on Earth with a few rag tag merc bands for company, accepting a plaque at the Summit instead of sitting your throne on Omega."

"Oh, no one screws with me, Shepard. I always rise to the top. If I let myself have weak spots, I wouldn't have lasted even this long. Just remember, an enemy worth fighting will know where to look when it matters."

"Well." Shepard pushed off the table with her palms and stood. "This has been great. Worth the catch up. Run into you next time I'm miserable. We can complain over our plaques when we get them, and … get that picture."

Shepard turned to the door.

"Careful your heel, Shepard. Break your foot, and even a strong soldier's crippled. And if you're crippled on the battlefield, I think you know what happens."

Shepard waved her off and moved through the crowd. Everyone around the bar stood unmoving and transfixed. Shepard sighed shoving through a group of leather clad humans. Shepard followed their eyes to the bar. Overhead the monitors flashed the same news story on multiple channels. A glass shattered behind her. One of the turiens in the corner stood up.

"The primarch's dead?" he said, voice barely raised, but it could be heard through the bar. Only a slow jukebox tune played in the background.

Even Aria looked over the back of the bench. Shepard frowned watching the footage. Found dead in the Vancouver turien embassy. Terra Firma was getting bolder.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Shepard strode down the hall to the exit. The HQ lawn peeked through the windows as she neared She'd check again. The Alliance hallways bustled with officers off to meetings and planning assignments. The comm buoys were starting to come online.

Palavan had finally learned of the Primarch Victus's death. Shepard had read the Spectre report. Another poisoning, though there was no doubt biotics were involved. Apparently, you needed a wheel house of tricks if your job was killing people without advertising the fact it was hit. The news channels hadn't announced it as an assassination, but Alliance intel and the Council knew.

The exit doors slid open to gray skies and a puddled lawn. Shepard stopped short in the doorway with a smile. She'd finally caught him. He stood with a man and woman down the walkway in the gardens. Admiral Hackett turned to her as she neared.

He sighed. "Commander Shepard."

The wind whipped her hair back as she splashed across the leaf-strewn walkway. She stopped in front of Hackett. Two Alliance officers stood next to him.

"Commander Shepard?" said a blonde-haired officer.

He looked like a celebrity vid star, though his hair was thinning a little on the crown. There was something familiar about him as he snapped her a salute. The dimpled, dark haired woman next to him followed the motion. Shepard gave a quick return salute, but she wasn't here to meet random officers. She turned to Hackett.

"Maybe we should meet in my office, Commander," Hackett said.

"Out here's fine."

She knew he walked in the Memorial Gardens during lunchtime. Rows of granite slabs emblazoned with plaques of names spread out towards a beach cliffside in the distance. All those times checking the garden in between meetings, and she'd finally caught him.

"I'm Lieutenant Phil Mason." The man put his hand out.

Shepard absently pumped his hand then paused. She turned to look at him, then to the woman.

"The Councilor's son and his daughter, Science Officer Alicia Mason." Hackett nodded.

"Here visiting my mother's plaque," Alicia said.

Shepard nodded solemnly. "The Tin Star, I remember. She was a damn fine captain. Sorry to hear about that."

"The Blue Suns will pay," Hackett said lightly. "Eventually."

Lieutenant Mason gave a tight smile. "I don't dwell on that. But, Commander Shepard, the things you've done. It really is an honor."

"You're a hero yourself, "Shepard remembered. "The Battle of Bulgle. Excellent work, Lieutenant. Heard you'll be recognized at the Summit."

"Alicia, too," Phil nodded at her. "Helped in the Fischer evacuations. Evacuated hundreds of researchers and clerical staff. Almost single handedly."

Shepard gave Alicia smile. "Science officer with a gun then? Met a few of those. Impress me every time. Couldn't have cured the genophage without that recovered data and the researchers from Fischer."

Alicia's face hardened. Her smile seemed forced as she tipped her head in acknowledgement.

"Didn't realize that data was used for the genophage."

Shepard tried to smooth her frown at the comment. The genophage cure did have its opponents, though maybe it was just aliens in general this woman didn't like. They exchanged a few more pleasantries before the officers took their leave. Admiral Hackett turned to Shepard with a sigh. He pulled his overcoat tighter. The gray skies drizzled over them.

"Do anything for the holidays, Shepard?"

"Would've liked to take my ship out for a spin."

"Maybe that's something you should discuss with Admiral Wilson." Hackett started back to the Alliance building. "You seen the new formal Alliance gardens to the west? Plan to hold functions there next summer, I believe."

Shepard stepped in beside Hackett. "Come on. You've avoided me for months."

"Holiday recesses, Shepard."

"And Barcelona …"

"A lot going down in Europe, Shepard. If you catch the vids."

"I know. Terra Firma."

"They're planning something. Something big."

"Sir," Shepard growled. Hackett frowned, and she softened her tone. "Please. Admiral Wilson will hardly talk to me. He's let my crew roster hang in limbo. I'm going to lose the people I've trained. What's the hold up? I'm going to Council meeting after council meeting, going over resource budgeting in Alliance conference rooms. I'm asked for strategic input on projects I'm not allowed to actually be involved in. I'm twiddling my fingers here. If the Alliance can't use me …"

Hackett stopped. "Okay, Shepard. You know the Council and Alliance have been at a stalemate on things. They're coming to the point where they either need the Mass Shard or the relay sits there half finished. Trust me. Admiral Wilson will be sitting down with you in the next few weeks. That's what I know. I really shouldn't be telling you anything. You report to Admiral Wilson, not me. But, I imagine that's why you caught me out here."

"If someone saw me in your office, I didn't want Admiral Wilson storming down to collect me."

Hackett sighed.

"What about this XO I've been assigned? Man's been trailing Wilson and the Flight Admirals around to all their meetings. I've hardly spoken to him."

"Wait another week or two. You'll get your marching date, Commander." His tone seemed final. He gave her a pat on the arm and walked away to headquarters.

The message light flashed on Shepard's Omni-Tool. She pulled her eyes away from Wilson's retreating back and punched it up with a frown. Just Miranda again. Shepard punched out a quick message putting her off again and sent it. Shepard was tired of being poking and prodding. She could just catch Miranda later. The Council hearings were starting soon. The one on Rachni activity might actually be worth sitting through.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Lights pulsed in the darkness outside the nightclub as Shepard hopped out of the sky car. A year ago, the club had been a warehouse in downtown Vancouver. Now, it was a place to forget about the last year. Or years. Though it was only the last two she really wanted to forget. The ones before that had been the best years of her life. She still felt a ping thinking of the relay being finished. She'd barely seen anyone, but at least for now, they were here.

Garrus sat facing the bar. Shepard moved through the crowd with a grin. Her eyes fell on the man leaning next to him at the bar. Her eyes widened. James raised his glass to her.

"Shepard," Garrus said spinning around on his stool.

"Lola." James took a drink from his glass.

"Hey, Garrus. James, didn't know you'd be here."

"Same here." He grinned motioning to the bartender to bring Shepard a drink. "Make plans too far in advance, fun's gone. Aburrido."

"I guess."

"Shepard," Garrus said. "You didn't say anything about Vega joining your crew. No one likes being out of the loop, makes a friend feel like you don't care."

"Only found out myself last week. Didn't know I'd be waiting over a month for a reply. Thought my message went straight to your spam folder, James."

"Nah, Lola. You know how I feel about plans."

He passed her a pint of beer from the bartender. The foam sloshed on her hand.

"Hey, steady there." James laughed.

Garrus set an empty glass on the counter behind him. "We've been waiting a while if you can't tell. I know on Earth, they say it's fashionable to be late, Shepard, but for a woman I've only seen wear three outfits, I didn't realize you cared about that stuff."

"Hey. It's not like you're sporting a new look each time you hit the town."

"Please." He leaned back against the bar. "I changed my visor color to yellow. Don't tell me you didn't notice."

"I was at a Council meeting. Ran late."

"Sure, Lola. I always use that one too."

"Right." She clinked glasses with James then looked at Garrus's empty hands. "Better get another, Garrus."

"Shepard." He shook his head with a sigh. "You just want me singing the turien battle song again. It'll take more than just one more."

"I'm buying."

"Well, then. Okay."

Shepard waved to the bartender.

"How's the acting ambassador of the quarians?" Shepard asked.

"Sick. Again."

James chuckled. "Wow, Garrus. Again?"

"She's a brave kid." Garrus accepted a full glass from the bartender. "Gotta be hard being in love with a Petri dish."

"Love, huh?" Shepard said.

"Oh, don't raise your eyebrows at me, Shepard. Eight months on Earth, I know what raised eyebrows mean."

James bobbed to the beat. It pulsed deep in the bones from the overhead speakers.

"Yeah! This is a good one."

"Love though?" Shepard leaned forward against the bar and looked over at Garrus. "I'm happy for you, Garrus. I really am."

"I know you are, Shepard." Garrus raised his glass in her direction and took a gulp.

"Hey." James stretched between them and plopped his glass on the bar. "I'll be back. See something I gotta see some more of."

He wound his way through the dance floor. Shepard watched over her shoulder.

"I'd call that swaggering. Wouldn't you, Shepard?"

Shepard twisted around and settled her back against the bar. "You have become quite the observer of human body language."

"Well, I need something to do. Been too long since I shot something."

"I hear ya."

James danced up to an asari. She faced him raising her arms and moving with the beat. They danced trading moves back and forth before he leaned into her ear. She glanced away with a smile. He stretched his neck to look through the dancers until he found Shepard and Garrus at the bar. He winked and made a firing motion with both hands, then he turned and followed her deeper into the crowd.

Garrus looked over at Shepard. "That will take some more study. No idea what he just said."

"I think he found himself a date." Shepard sipped her drink.

"Wow. Quick. If I wasn't all settled down …" Garrus gave an exaggerated sigh. "I need to spend more time with Vega."

"I don't know if he operates well with a wingman."

"If I was only a younger turien. Right, Shepard?"

"Right?" Shepard sputtered into her cup. "I have no idea about being a younger turien."

"Yeah. I don't really know what I'm saying anymore. Someone says 'I'm paying for drink,' and that's the last thing I usually remember."

"Didn't realize turiens and humans had so much in common."

"Well, we both like our alcohol." He raised his glass. "Now, some people I know, last thing remembered is how the first sip tasted."

"Couldn't imagine who you mean, Garrus."

"Yeah."

Pink lights streamed across his face as he watched the dance floor, tapping a talon on the bar to the beat.

"He's really not coming back, is he?" Garrus said.

"No. I don't think so."

Garrus twisted to face her. "So, the Normandy, huh, Shepard? Anyone else I know on board?"

"Joker, of course."

"You ever flown the Normandy with another pilot? I think you've been together longer than most human marriages."

Shepard made a show of rolling her eyes. "This means I'm scoffing you."

"Noted. But really. Who else? James, Joker …"

"Adams."

"Adams? Excellent. Good work there."

"And Cortez, too, with the shuttle."

"More friendly faces than I thought, then. Surprised so many wanted back. We were all drawing lots to be the first person off the ship."

"It's been long enough. I guess they're missing space."

"Hmm, maybe just missing you, Shepard. It was quite the ride."

"That, it was."

Only a shallow swish of beer filled the bottom of the cup. She sloshed it around watching it foam.

Garrus sighed. "Not too long now the relay will be fixed. Comm buoy's already connecting to Palavan. They're devastated about the primarch, of course."

"Shocking. I'm sorry." Garrus inclined his head but didn't say anything. Shepard sighed. "Pretty bold assassin to get into the embassy."

"Bold? Skilled, I'd say. Damned good biotic, but let's not talk shop." He leaned back on the bar. "This time next year, granted progress continues on the relay, I'll be back in Palavan. Home. Been a long time, Shepard."

"And Tali?"

"Well, we've talked about it, of course. There are things needing me back on Palavan, a lot that's fallen apart. They're rebuilding even now though. Once we get the fleet back, check on things … I imagine some time abroad would be nice. Maybe stay groundside for a while."

"On a certain quarian home world?"

"The brochures really sell it."

Shepard leaned back on her elbows. "Must really be love then, Garrus."

"Well, I didn't say otherwise, Shepard. Maybe you can book your next vacation for a time you'll be passing by."

Shepard smiled into the pulsing lights. Her Omni-Tool buzzed. She brought up the messages, and her face brightened. She looked over at Garrus with a grin.

"Hope Vega's packed. Just got a message from Admiral Wilson. Looks like I finally have a departure date."


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Miranda put her hands on her hips with lips pursed. Her apartment was as cluttered as last time Shepard had been here. Granted, that hadn't been anytime recent. Maybe she had put off Miranda too long.

"Tomorrow?" Miranda said. "You tell me this tonight. How long have you known?"

"Your tone really makes me want to hedge that question."

"You've probably known for weeks. You tell me now like a second thought. You've been feeling well, doesn't mean you're ready. And, no medical officer either. Shepard!"

"You know we're short on medical personnel. It doesn't make sense taking one person for twenty to fifty people when she could be here treating hundreds. Some of the marines have medic training."

"She? Dr. Chakwas then."

"She's needed here."

"Well, nothing to do for it now." Miranda put her hands out. "I'm going to scan you at least."

Miranda crossed the room to her desk. She found a chip from a drawer and put into her Omni-Tool. She fiddled with the screen as she wandered back.

"All right. Hold—"

"I know," Shepard said. She closed her eyes and stood straight.

"If I find anything off, you'll postpone the departure."

Shepard resisted saying anything as Miranda brought the scan reader up her body. Light glowed through her eyelids as it passed her face.

"You can move," Miranda said.

"No way, it's being postponed, Miranda. You know how long this took? It's been ridiculous."

Shepard sat the arm of the couch as Miranda looked over the results on her Omni-Tool.

"Clear. You're lucky I didn't find anything, Shepard." The screen flickered off.

"I'll be fine."

"So sure?" Miranda said standing across from her. She folded her arms. "You haven't tried your biotics. How long has it been? Well over a year and half now."

"Don't count the months I was in a medical coma," Shepard said. "Are you forbidding me then?"

"I can't forbid you from anything, Shepard. You're strong enough to try biotics. Your cranial swelling is resolved. Your system probably could've handled the metabolic load months ago. We should have been trying a long time ago. Introducing it back, taking little steps, scans, intervening if something went wrong. That's if you'd ever agreed to meet with me or answer a call."

"I won't use them, Miranda. I've gone over a year. I haven't needed my biotics."

"Shepard, you've been in board meetings not on the battlefield."

"I'm not going to a battlefield. Probably won't even get to unholster a gun."

Miranda shook her head and sighed.

"Miranda, I know how to use weapons. If there's any action, I'm more than just a biotic. And, this mission isn't about looking for a fight."

"How long is it?"

"Might take a while."

"A while? Shepard! You need to come back. Soon. Take a good two to three weeks so we can work this out. Don't go straight on another mission. At least, promise me that. There was something wrong with your L3 implant nine months ago, remember?"

"But, it went away, remember? I never even felt anything."

Miranda paced. "That would be the problem. How wrong would it need to be before you knew? Without a doctor onboard, you won't know."

"Give me the Omni-Tool program. Someone can scan me. Communication hubs are back. At least in while in Sol, I can send you the data."

"And do what, Shepard? What could I do from here if I found something?"

Shepard stared at her feet with a frown. It was true. She'd had weeks, months to deal with this. She was just sick of being sick, she'd bolted at the first sign of freedom. She didn't want to know if something was wrong and slide backward.

"I got tunnel vision," Shepard looked up. "You're right. I should have returned your messages and come to see you."

"It would have taken minutes, Shepard."

"I know."

Miranda walked over to the desk and leaned an arm on it thinking. She looked over at Shepard.

"You'll have to be focused, Shepard. If things heat up, stay on the sidelines. You can lead from afar."

"I can control myself, Miranda."

"In the heat of battle, Shepard? Reaching for your biotics won't be reflexive? In a fight, you give yourself over to it. We all do. Instinct and tactic, catching the windows, and opportunities. All too easy to forget, Shepard."

Shepard stared at her. "Miranda, I don't what to say. I can't go backward and fix it now."

"Just listen, Shepard. Stay out of the fighting. Then come back soon as you can. Plan some medical leave. Your XO can handle it for a while."

Shepard clicked her tongue. "Not so sure about that part."

Miranda frowned. "Make arrangements. When you get back, we'll work this out. And find a medical officer, Shepard. The Alliance isn't going to allow me on the mission."

Shepard stood up. "Thanks, Miranda."

Shepard had been longing to draw her gun and stretching her battle legs, but now, maybe it was a good thing the trip just a retrieval assignment.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Shepard came up behind Joker's pilot chair. Four and a half years, nearly five since she'd stood on the first Normandy, Captain Anderson's XO. That was the first time she knew she had found her place: Commander of the Normandy. Things were finally becoming right again.

"All right, Joker. Let's move out."

Lieutenant Commander Anchor waited a step behind in her peripheral vision. He stood tall, feet apart, hands behind his back. He probably pictured himself as the hero of a real-life space adventure vid. He'd never served on a ship before, at least, not for any real length. Earth's atmosphere blued the cockpit windows before darkening into an expanse of space. Joker's wide grin reflected in the glass.

"We're out," he said.

"Good," Shepherd said.

She turned on her heel to the CIC. Anchor followed. Servicemen glanced up as she passed. There were so many new faces. It would take a while. But here they were: on their way. Shepard leaned against the railing stared down over the galaxy map. Elliom. It was a long way off for FTL.

x

Shepard blinked awake and sat upright. She stared around in the dim light and fumbled for the clock by her bed. It was still early, probably too early, and too little sleep. With so many days of sunrises and sunsets, it was going to take a while settling back to normal again. She craned her neck up and smiled at the window. Comforting to see the stars again, though. They did look closer from here. The empty fish tank cast a glow over the room as Shepard dressed. She scooped cold water up in her face, and she was felt ready and invigorated. Everything could be right again.

Shepard took the elevator to the shuttle bay. Cortez and James stood with their backs to the elevator going over something on a console. Cortez seemed to catch her in the edge of his vision. He turned.

"Commander Shepard."

"Cortez. Glad to see you aboard."

"Couldn't say no, Commander."

The bay bulged with rows of towering crates packed tightly with supplies. A couple of service men squeezed between the rows to reach something in the back of the bay.

"They loaded more stuff than I thought," Shepard said.

"Glad you're saying it first, Lola. You know, I used to work on stuff down here."

"Guess you'll be cramped or find another nook."

"This?" James waved at the crates. "Cramped? That ain't nothin' compared to the crew quarters. What are we carrying, like fifteen extra engineers for the relay?"

"Seventeen. I know, close quarters. We'll drop them off on the way. We're unload some of these supplies too. It's just a few days."

"Sure, Lola. Hope you're thinking about us from your penthouse."

"Hey," Cortez said. "This quarian technology. It really stretches our fuel reserves, but all this piping, that coolant accelerator over by the shuttle. Flammable stuff."

"Right." Shepard twisted her head around following the pipework. It was an extensive system. "I know about it. Just be safe down here."

"And this shuttle?" Cortez waved at it. Shepard peered at it with a frown. "You know our other shuttle crashed in London before the Normandy evac'ed me? This replacement? Old, old, old. Had to dust off a paperback to figure it out."

"Yeah." Shepard eyed the shuttle. "Guess resources are short. Still should have caught that before we left. You can make it work?"

"Oh, it works. Works fine. It's just between the quarian fuel recirculatory down here and that antique shuttle, it's a lot of volatile stuff."

"Tell her about the warm up," James said.

"Yeah, and the warm up on these types. Pretty damn easy to overload. Then it'll just take off."

"Take off?"

"Take off. Straight ahead right into the bulkhead at the end. Boom."

"Let's be conscientious then," Shepard said.

The elevator doors slid open behind her. James bumped Cortez's shoulder and pointed off with his chin.

"Later, Commander." James stalked off. "I'm gonna find something to fix."

Shepard turned around. Anchor stood at a parade rest waiting for her.

"A moment, Commander?" he asked.

"Lieutenant Commander. What is it?"

Anchor glanced at Cortez, who picked up a tool kit. Anchor's eyes followed him on his way to the shuttle.

"Did you have something to say?" Shepard asked.

"Yes, ma'am."

Shepard waited.

"About that day in headquarters a while back. I think we got off on the wrong foot. I know the chain of command. I only want to collaborate here."

Shepard frowned. "We don't collaborate here, Lieutenant Commander. I'm in charge. You're my XO. What I say goes. Long as you understand that, I'm open to input, but there's no collaboration per se. I'm the final word."

Anchor's mouth twisted up in one corner with a smile. "Understood. Of course. That's what I meant, ma'am."

"I hope you did."

She moved past him to the elevator. He was still smiling with that crooked look as the elevator doors closed between them.

X

"You had a break yet?" Shepard came up behind Joker.

Joker twisted his head enough to see her. "I've seen sardines less crowded than this, Commander. Where'm I to go?"

"You still have a bunk, right?"

"Yeah, every twelve hours. Have to get my own sheets out each time. Thank you."

Shepard let out a slow breath and walked over to the copilot's chair. She sank down. Joker's face hardened. He busily flipped through screens on the dashboard. He moved them back and forth so fast there was no way he was actually looking at any of it.

"I don't want it like this, Joker."

"'Like this'?" Joker asked. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You know exactly what it means. I've hardly seen you the last few months, and when I do, it's like this."

He scrolled over to another screen. He punched a button then unpunched it then flipped to a new screen.

"Fine." She stood up and started out the cockpit.

"You want to talk? Share feelings and braid each other's hair?" Joker twisted around in his seat.

Shepard turned back. "Doesn't have to be feelings. I just want you to shoot straight with me, Joker."

"Off the record?"

"You're seriously asking me to go off the record? Say you want something on the record, I'll pay more attention."

"Funny," Joker said flatly.

"Go ahead." Shepard nodded.

"Whatever you did on the crucible something about it killed EDI. I know it doesn't make sense to blame you or whatever. That's why I didn't say anything. It just sucks knowing you're here and she's not. She wasn't a machine to me."

Shepard swallowed. "She wasn't a machine to me either, Joker. I'm not saying she didn't mean more to you, but I lost a friend too."

"Yeah, but you got all your other friends back. You'll probably want to haul my ass to some Alliance shrink or something to work my feelings out, but you want the truth?"

Shepard took a step closer. "Yeah. I do."

"When we found out you were alive, I hated it. For months, we're all feeling bad. Together. Then you're alive and everyone's all happy. Everyone's like, 'It's okay after all. Smiles all around, folks.'"

"It was a hard time on everyone, Joker. They needed good news. Something to celebrate."

"Us beating the hell out of the Reapers wasn't enough?"

"It was a long time under a lot of strain. Every piece of good news probably gave a little more hope in reaching the finish line."

"They didn't seem to be trying to find this 'hope' while I was searching through the circuit boards and pulling hard drives apart. No one was crawling inside the ship with me to find EDI. If EDI had been the one that came back instead of you, it would have been a completely different reaction. All I'm saying." He swiveled back to the pilot controls. "Commander."

Shepard's stared at the back of Joker's head with a dry throat.

"Later, Joker," she said finally and left.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Shepard stood over the galaxy map in the command center. Footsteps tapped across the metal grates as Ensign Jane Alexander moved to the terminal behind her. Memories of Kelly and Samantha made Shepard look to the side. A week out and she was still surprised to see Jane's owl-like face.

"Need anything, Commander?" she asked.

"No. Thanks."

Shepard turned and walked to the elevator. The crew deck was a lot less crowded having dropped off the engineers. The crew better enjoy it. It was going to be another cramped ride on the way back if they found the survivors. She'd have to think of something better than sharing bunks. It may work for a few days but not over a month. They'd need to set up cots, maybe use the lounge and observation deck, any nook and crannies.

Anchor came around the corner from the mess hall. Shepard grimaced as she heard his footsteps pass by the elevator and continue up behind her. She walked to the observation deck, and he came in on her heels.

"I think we're passing Gagarin Station," he said.

He strolled past her to the observation deck's window.

"What are you up to, Lieutenant Commander?"

He gazed out the glass. "That station's seen a lot of uses. I wonder how they're doing on supplies. Hard enough getting by on Earth. Must be a hard life on a station."

Shepard folded her arms and glanced back at the door. He's been on good enough behavior so far, but she couldn't help trusting her gut. Maybe it wasn't Anchor affecting her gut though. It was what he represented – a new act in her life, a new chapter opened. It should be exciting, and it had been exciting the first few days in space again. But reality was starting to return. Compared to what she before, maybe everything here on out would be small and muted. She'd reached her high point. All that remained was mediocracy.

She sat on the bench facing the window. Anchor put a palm on the window and leaned forward. Shadows deepened, and it was Kaidan leaning against the window with his hand spread on the glass. His head turned slightly as if hearing her there, and a chill ran up her neck. Her hair started to rise as his hand dropped away from the window. He statred to turn. Shepard's heart beat in her throat. Anchor tapped on the glass. Shepard shivered, and the image faded away like fog.

"Commander, there it is. Jump Zero."

Shepard's hand slipped into her uniform pocket, and her fingers dug around in the lining. She touched the cool metal of the silver button she'd found in her cabin. Anchor twisted against the window, probably to see it better as it entered the window.

It was distant. She wondered what she had expected to see. It was too small to see any detail or appreciate its size, just a tiny shining spot among the stars. Anchor stood back with his hands on his hips.

"Hard to see. A few other stations out here we're sure to pass, but nothing like that one for all the history and human investment. Right, Commander?"

"Hmm." Shepard leaned back in her seat.

Anchor strolled across the window. He took a seat beside her, leaned back, and crossed his leg over his knee.

"They trained biotics there once. Not me. I have amazing dexterity, but I'm too weak," he said.

Shepard didn't say anything. Biotic dexterity, true dexterity, was a difficult skill to master. She'd only seen one biotic who's biotic dexterity she'd call amazing. Anchor probably couldn't biotically tie his shoelace even with his hands touching the laces. She could barely do that though, and she wasn't weak.

The spot drifted by. Even at thruster speed it shot by quickly. They still had an hour or so until FTL. Joker's ten month return tour made him pretty damn good at charting FTL jumps. Fifty hours nonstop and you needed an offload. No one wanted to be here when it saturated, and without relays there was a lot of dead space.

"Did you go there, Commander?" Anchor asked.

"No."

He knew that. He seemed to know quite a lot about her records. Maybe he was just trying to promote conversation though.

"Major Alenko was in that program I heard."

Shepard's spine stiffened. He gave her a fanged smile.

"You were his CO, right?"

"How do you know about that? Those files are sealed."

Anchor shrugged. "It's common knowledge. It's not as though it's a secret. I'm sure he'd have talked about it if you asked."

Shepard stared at him a cold moment then stood. Anchor put his foot back on the floor and twisted in his seat as she passed.

"Something bother you, Commander?"

"I've taken enough of a break. No doubt there are things requiring your attention as well."

"Did I say something wrong?" Anchor stood. "Something about the major maybe? About the sealed files?"

His doe-eyes clashed with the half smirk playing on his lips.

"Get up to the commander center. We'll be out of non-quantum comm range at the end of next week. Check with the Alliance for the latest fuel exchange system update. Our engineers can't have any questions left before we're on their own."

Anchor gave a lazy nod and moved to pass her. Shepard caught his arm.

"Lieutenant Commander?"

Anchor looked her in the eye and his mouth stiffened.

"Lieutenant Commander?" Shepard repeated.

"Aye, aye, ma'am."

Shepard nodded and released his arm. "I thought we weren't going to have any problems, Anchor."

"Apologies, Commander. Permission to leave?"

"Yes."

He brushed past her out the door with arms fixed rigidly at his side. Shepard touched her face. Hot skin radiated against her fingertips. He clearly knew what he was bringing up. They hadn't shared enough casual conversation for it to be offhanded. That slippery smile made her teeth grind. He couldn't actually think she'd confide in him. He must be trying to get under her skin. It had worked.

She glanced back at the window. A spectral shadow blotted out the stars. It turned toward her.

"Shepard …"

Shepard rushed out from the observation deck. She slammed her fist on the close button and rushed to the elevator. She kept her back to the observation deck until the elevator doors finally opened, then she bolted inside.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Shepard lay in her cabin in the darkness. She should be sleeping. The less time she left in her XO's hands the better. He'd slunk around avoiding her all week. They hadn't said much since the observation deck.

The message screen glowed on her desk, and she pulled out the chair. They would be out of range to receive messages from Earth soon. Tali had messaged her. Without quarian included in the crew, she was concerned about the fuel recycling system. She'd sent all the extra information she could think. She ended the message with chit chat on her ambassadorial duties and how she'd run into Samantha Traynor at Headquarters.

Confidential reports on colony terror attacks drew her eye. Most of the colonies were well beyond the range to directly communicate with Earth. Terra Firma must have quite the network to coordinate all their hits, and the attacks did seem coordinated. Trials for Cerberus war criminals were underway. Her message bulged with status updates, resource reports, and projections on everything from rebuilding the citadel to resupplying medigel. The intercom flashed. Shepard hit it and slouched back in her chair with a yawn.

"Shepard."

"Commander?"

"James?" Shepard sat upright frowning at the title. "What's going on?"

"Oh. Nothin', nothin'. Need to talk is all."

"Shoot. Talk then."

"Uh, in person."

"Come on up then."

Silence filled the other side. Shepard sighed. This was either irritating or concerning. She wasn't sure. Maybe he thought she wasn't ready for visitors, sleeping in her underwear or something.

"Nah, Lola," he said finally. "Just see ya in the shuttle bay sometime."

"James." Shepard rolled her head back and rubbed her eyes. "Just come up here."

"I'll, uh, see you down here. Sometime. Later." His voice lowered to the background. "What?"

Cortez's voice murmured too low to really hear. Shepard narrowed her eyes at the comm.

"Uh, okay, okay." James muttered then his voice boomed back into the comm. "So, uh, this is a shuttle problem. Totally no big deal. Just little equipment issue. Just, uh … see you whenever."

Shepard was already at her door when the comm clicked off. She rode the elevator down tapping her foot and watching each floor pass. When she walked out the elevator doors, James was still standing at the board of consoles near the comm. Cortez leaned in to him gesturing with a low voice. Her boot tapped toward them. They looked over their shoulders at the same time.

"Now, what's this about, James? You're really—"

"Commander!" Cortez rushed over and grabbed her arm. His voice rose in volume. "You didn't need to get here so fast to look at the shuttle. But since you're here …"

He led her by the bicep toward the shuttle. Shepard glanced back. Three crewmen reorganized crates and taking inventory. They could finally organize the bay now that the relay's supplies were offloaded.

James stepped up behind Shepard, and Cortez twisted to look at him. Cortez stopped and motioned to the tackle box at the base of the consoles.

"Uh, bring the tools, Vega. You're strong. Maybe you can help me with something here."

Shepard's head range with his booming volume. James raised his eyebrows and made a click with his tongue.

"Ah. Okay. You got it." He walked over to the tool box and snagged the handle.

Cortez turned back toward the shuttle pulling Shepard forward by her arm again. The tools in the toolbox clattered behind her in rhythm with Vega's footsteps as he followed. They rounded the corner of the shuttle against the wall. Stacks of crates walled off area in front of them at the nose of the shuttle. Cortez pointed to the side of the shuttle. Shepard tried to track where his finger was pointing, but it moved around as he looked back at Vega. Then he strained around the corner as if to check on the crewmen.

"You're going to move those crates, right?" Shepard pointed at the nose of the shuttle. "If we need the shuttle in—"

"Of course, Commander, of course." Cortez turned and waved her further back into the corridor between the shuttle and the wall. He lingered at the shuttle's corner.

"Did you bring it?" Cortez's voice dropped turning to James.

James set down the tools down with a thud then straightened.

"Too busy carrying your damn tools, Esteban."

Cortez glared and opened his mouth.

"Yeah, I got it," James said. "Don't freak. Man, you're worked up, Esteban. Just chido."

He patted Cortez's back and shouldered up beside him blocking Shepard's view around the shuttle's corner. She turned back to the shuttle and leaned in closer to the side panel.

"Now, what were you pointing at? I've seen drunks point straighter, Cortez."

James grinned widely with a chuckle and bumped Cortez with his elbow. Cortez shoved him back with a flare of his nostrils.

"What the hell, James? Cortez?"

Cortez's eyes flew wide, and he motioned with his hands to keep her voice down.

"Shhh." Cortez darted a look behind them.

"No one's looking," Shepard said.

Cortez hissed. "Are you sure? You can't see them from there, right?"

James rolled his eyes. "Here you go, Lola."

He stretched forward offering a datapad. It glowed already turned on. Shepard took a step forward and snatched it. James straightened and crossed his arms. He obviously didn't intent to move from his walled off position next to Cortez.

"What's wrong with you two?"

"Just! We don't - can't take much time." Cortez sputtered crossing and uncrossing his arms. His face gleamed with sweat.

James laughed. "You wouldn't make a good undercover—"

"James," Shepard snapped in a low voice. "Tell me what's going on. What is this?" Shepard waved the datapad at them.

"Okay, Lola. So …" James attention drifted to Cortez who shifted and turned to look behind them. James started to grin again, and Shepard waved the datapad at him. "Oh, yeah. Well, that's from Liara."

Shepard peered at the datapad. "From Liara?"

"Well, yeah. The message. Not the datapad."

It was an open email. Her eyes scanned the top. Shepard snapped her head up to look at Cortez.

"It's addressed to you, Steve."

"I don't think it's meant to be."

"So, wrong address?"

"No, uh …" James' head turned to something behind them. He bumped Cortez in the shoulder.

Cortez spun at him spraying spittle. "You do that again, Vega, I'll—"

"Quiet," James said under his breath and looked back to Shepard. "Put that somewhere."

"It's a datapad," Shepard said stepping in closer to see around them. "It'd be more suspicious to be hiding one than looking at it."

"Okay, Lola. Commander."

James turned sideways opening a view to Lieutenant Commander Anchor approaching. The elevator doors clicked shut in the distance. James leaned back against the shuttle, arms crossed, and looking bored. Anchor stopped behind Cortez. Cortez closed his eyes for a beat and drew in a deep breath. He turned with a smile spreading across his face. It was pretty obviously a fake smile, but Shepard suspected that's all Anchor got from these two anyway. So, it was probably normal.

"Commander," Anchor said. "Heard there were issues with the shuttle or something."

Shepard cocked her head clutching the datapad in her hand as she crossed her arms.

"How did you hear that?"

Anchor shrugged. "Word gets around."

Shepard eyed him. The look had some of the intended effect, because he shifted his weight back onto his heels and cleared his throat.

"Commander," he added too belatedly.

"Status report?"

"What?" Anchor frowned.

"You were just on the bridge, right? The CIC?"

"Yeah, yes, ma'am, of course." He regained composure and straightened. "Status report, Commander."

He launched into a rundown. His voice picked up speed as he went. James smirked meeting her eyes briefly before standing up from the shuttle and ambling away. Cortez stood there frozen as Anchor finished.

"And that's expected in five hours, ma'am." He almost looked about to salute.

Shepard pressed her lips together and gave a dismissive shrug.

"All right. Very good." She stepped around him then paused. "I want you to talk to Engineer Adams about something with me, Lieutenant Commander. Come along."

"Aye, aye." He nodded turning to follow her.

"And, Cortez." Shepard turned back.

Cortez's eyes widened. His mouth caught in an unfading tight smile as he looked back at her under Anchor's scrutiny.

"Yes, Commander?"

"Don't be so upset about that next time. You're pushing yourself too hard down here. It's starting to show." She motioned at him with the datapad. Cortez's eyes grew bigger watching the datapad in her hand. "Take a break. Come back to the problems with the shuttle later."

"Aye, aye, Commander." The words rushed over each other and Cortez saluted.

It didn't seem necessary. Too formal for the exchange. But she had to return it.

Turning, she called back to him. "And move those crates. They're blocking the shuttle."


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

Shepard kept the datapad tucked under her arm as they finished up with Adams. They turned off the choppy comm. The quarian consultant with the Alliance had been understandable enough. Tali's email had been helpful with Shepard mentioning a few things from it. Anchor eyes had long ago glassed over.

"I didn't realize you were going to be so thorough with this, Commander." Adams grinned. "With the fuel recycler covered. We could go over the FTL propulsion jets. The overload circuit breakers are in the cargo bay near the hangar doors. Those crates have been blocking us access them for diagnostics."

"Anchor, follow up on that," Shepard said.

Anchor blinked as if bringing her back into focus then nodded.

"Another thing, Commander—"

"Sorry, Adams," Shepard said. "I'll have Commander Anchor finish up with you next shift. Anything you need, just send it his way."

"Sure thing, Commander."

Anchor shuffled out of engineering behind her. He seemed as relieved to be dismissed as she was to get rid of him.

Shepard walked into the CIC and paused by the map. Two weeks out and dropping out of comm range. Only left with the QEC was going only going to add to the stir crazy. James was probably going to go berserk after two and half months on a ship without action.

Thinking of James reminded her of the notepad under her arm. She was on duty. She couldn't just go back to her cabin. She taped a finger on it and gazed around the room. A few ensigns eyed her curiously. Her gaze landed on the planked gangway from CIC to the bridge. She steeled herself and marched down the grates to the cockpit. Joker looked over his shoulder enough to see her then turned forward again.

"Commander."

"Joker."

She stood for a quiet moment behind his chair. The engines gave a low hum as a blue sheen moved across the cockpit window. Night cycles could be rather peaceful. Joker glanced back at her again.

"You taking inventory of my technical competencies or something? You're just standing there."

"Things all right up here?"

"Everything running smooth. Forty hours at FLT. Two light years to Amar II, gas giant, for static offload. Estimated time of offload: about ten hours. Planning immediate jump back to FLT for thirty hours. Commander."

"An acceptable short-term flight plan, Flight Lieutenant. Continue on."

Shepard moved to the copilot chair and sat.

"Again?" Joker groaned motioning to her. "You know, that's supposed to be for Michael."

Shepard pulled the datapad out from under her arm and leaned back in the chair. It lit up. Joker shook his head and stared straight ahead. The datapad's screen loaded the page she'd seen early by the shuttle. Again, she saw the address for Cortez. The from receipt was definitely one of Liara's accounts. James must have recognized it too. Two paperclip symbols signaled attachments. She scrolled through the message first.

" _Date: 3-1_ "

That was more than a week ago. She scrolled up and checked the date received and transmitted. It wasn't even a full day pass transmission from Earth. It wasn't impossible that the transmission had been delayed she supposed.

" _Lieutenant Steve Cortez:_

 _The following attachments may benefit your work on the Normandy. You may wish to share them with your team. Please direct any questions to your supervising officer._

 _Regards, L.T_."

So cryptic. No wonder Cortez was spooked. Shepard's pulse quickened, and she tapped the first attachment. The file came up filling the screen. Shepard's brow furrowed squinting at it. She scrolled through it with a sinking feeling. The whole thing was this way. Damnit. She leaned her head back against the seat and closed her eyes for a moment. Encrypted. Great. She closed out the file and brought up the second attachment. It was two for two then, also encrypted. Shepard's jaw tightened as she stared at it. It looked like the same type of code as the first attachment. She could tell that much, and there was something familiar about it. She held it closer, blinking, focusing and refocusing her eyes. The message was from Liara, but maybe it actually was meant for Cortez. He hadn't seemed to think so though. If it was really meant for her, then it should be able to be broken by her. She needed –

Joker cleared his throat. Shepard looked up.

"Good book?"

Shepard frowned. "What?"

Joker pointed at the datapad. "You seem kind of aggravated, Commander. Your heroine choose the Illium tycoon instead of the farmhand?"

Shepard rolled her eyes with a grin. Joker smiled limply then nodded at her datapad again.

"But really?"

"Maybe it's your last flight report. The spelling here, Joker …"

"Uh, I dictate those. If you have a problem with the spelling, take it up with software."

"You don't proofread?"

"Commander, some of the crew doesn't have time to read while on-duty."

"It _would_ cut in on on-duty nap time."

"That was one time! I'd been awake for, like, twenty-one hours."

"One time?" Shepard raised an eyebrow. "One time caught maybe."

"Only counts if you're caught."

Shepard lifted the datapad up again and squinted at it. Something was there. She just had to think about it. Damn. This was not one of her areas. If Garrus was here ... But, Liara knew who was on board. She must have thought Shepard capable.

"Secret Spectre stuff?" Joker strained to see the datapad's screen.

"No …" Shepard paused thinking.

Wait. Shepard leaped up turning off the datapad. She climbed around the consol.

"Hope she comes to her senses about the farm hand." Joker touched the bill of his hat. "Come back anything for another awkward reading session."

"Might take you up on that, Joker."

Shepard rushed down the gangway and through the navigation room. The quantum entanglement comm was through the old war room on the left. The room wasn't in use much anymore. She walked up to the quantum entanglement's consol.

In theory, she knew how to do this. She bent and typed in her primary Spectre ID code and passphrase. She needed a date though. She paused. Today's date didn't seem right. The late date on the top of the message though … Shepard typed it in. She waiting staring at the console. She wasn't sure how long it would take to search the Council's Spectre database for the code breaker for that date. A green light blinked. With her secondary Spectre ID submitted, the code was ready to interface. She read the decoding sequence but it was too long to memorize. She took a transfer data chip from her Omni-Tool, transferred the code, and then purged it from the QEC. She headed back through the CIC.

"Jane, I have correspondence to attend to in my cabin," Shepard said passing her to the elevator.

X

Out of the elevator, Shepard rushed into her cabin. She pushed any clutter aside on her desk and grabbed another datapad. It was going to take a while, but she was going to buy Joker a drink if this worked. It had to work. It was the only thing that made sense.

She fed the first document through her Omni-Tool with the datachip. It read out into her personal, non-networked datapad. Random symbols and letters transferred in actual letters and words. Shepard let out a tight breath and watched the document decode line by line. It appeared to be a report. She scanned down the page. Her eyes stopped on one name: Bram Anchor. She went back to the top pulling up her chair. She needed to read this word for word.

She rested her chin on a fist and read through it. It was an internal document between Terra Firma members. Several colony cells were named and their leaders. It was Anchor's name that she fixed on it. He'd collaborated remotely while serving in the Alliance. There was nothing overtly criminal about it. The dates referenced predated Terra Firma's evolution from political party to vigilante terrorist. It didn't mean Anchor and Terra Firma had cut ties either though.

She grabbed Cortez's datapad and decoded the second document to her tablet. It was Terra Firma again, but it wasn't a report this time. It was something different. It looked like building plans for something. It was pages long. She rereading the sentences as she paged down. She wasn't an engineer. She had enough trouble overriding controls on a door let alone understanding technical language like this, but some of the words meant something no matter your background. This was a weapon of some sort, something involving mass effect fields and amplification. Her eyes caught on one of the words – "orb." It seemed integral to the entire project. She paused on the last page, schematics. She frowned peering closer and enlarged the fine print along the bottom. This was from the Prothean archives on Mars. Terra Firma had gotten their hands on it somehow and must be planning to build it, whatever "it" was. The connection to her didn't seem clear, but there had to be one. Her eyes strayed to the core of the diagram. The orb. Admiral Wilson had called the Mass Effect Shard a Meridian Orb. Terra Firma had a schematic to use the Mass Effect Shard as a weapon.

Shepard sat back in her chair with a thunk staring at the datapad in her hand. So, it was a document tying Anchor to Terra Firma and Terra Firma's plans for weaponizing the Mass Effect Shard. Liara had sources, true, but coming across this sort of intel couldn't be random. Assuming the authenticity of this mass effect weapon, the schematics should be restricted to the deepest cell members. Unless Liara had established deep contact into Terra Firma, it seemed unlikely.

Shepard's eyes wandered to the pile of folders and papers shoved to the corner of her desk. She moved them aside, and her fingers touched the silver button. Light glinted off the metal as she held it up. No, this information may have been sent by Liara, but it hadn't been discovered by her. Liara might not have even known the contents. It had Spectre encryption. Shepard thought back. She must have mentioned Anchor's name that night in her apartment. He must have remembered and recognized it in the data mined from the Terra Firma strikes. It was a warning then.

It was a complicated way to get it to her. There must be some concern her terminal, messages, or communications were monitored or hacked. There must be suspicion all her crews' messages were monitored. Sending it to Cortez made sense in a way. Distant enough but trustworthy enough to be a good recipient. But, it was also from Liara. Maybe in addition to keying on the recipient of a message, the senders were also flagged. Likely, Kaidan had a direct red flag no matter whom he contacted onboard. Being the shadow broker, she had several servers and round about ways of delivering information circumspectly. Shepard recognized the sending address and the initials but most others wouldn't. Even with all that it had been encrypting. Maybe it was to prevent Liara or Cortez knowing the information. Maybe the concern for someone sorting the message's contents was more than a precaution. She stood up and placed the silver button on the glass shelf next to her empty hamster cage. She deleted the original messages from Cortez's datapad.

She could review this all again later. She transferred the decrypted documents to the data chip with the decoder. Her eyes moved around room as the chip turned in her fingertips. The display case of model ships rose over her desk. She opened the glass and pulled down the geth dreadnought. The data chip slid easily through a slot in the casing and clattered into the hollow middle. Getting it out, that, would be a little more difficult.

The other time she'd put a datachip in it, she'd damn near cleaved the dreadnaught in two trying to get it out. She rattled it over her head so hard she'd loosened her teeth. Finally, with it still lifted over her head, she fallen face first on the bed. If she had to glue it back together, it'd never be the same. It was a limited edition. The dreadnought lifted out of her hands as Kaidan pulled himself up and rested back against the headboard. His skin ignited blue, and he squinted into the slot in the ship's hull.

She still hadn't met a biotic that could do the sort of fine detail manipulations he could. Even at a distance when abilities began to wane, he could do little intricacies. Maybe she could levitate a book on the other side of the cargo bay, but Kaidan could turn each page. He could probably fold a page into a paper airplane for all she knew. He wouldn't be here helping her extract the datachip this time though.

Shepard's smile faded as she stared down at the dreadnaught. She slammed it back into the case and threw the door shut with a glassy crunch. A jagged crack split up the glass. She'd get the datachip out herself. She'd just have to work at it. She backed up and turned to the door. She'd wasted enough time up here. She was on duty.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

Shepard stepped into the cargo bay. Cortez wasn't anywhere around, but she saw James working on a bench in the corner by the armory. Some gauntlets, boots, and a chestshield lay on the workbench.

"Lola."

He worked a rag in a circular motion over a helmet. Shepard set Cortez's datapad next to some gauntlets.

"You polishing that?" Shepard asked.

James shrugged, then held the helmet up for her to see.

"Shiny, right?"

"I guess."

"Hey, I'd rather be working out dents and paint abrasions."

Shepard smiled. "You'd have thought, we save the galaxy, only to wish we were back saving the galaxy again?"

James rest back against the workbench.

"So, uh, Lola." He tipped his head for her to come closer. "You got what you needed?"

Shepard followed his eyes to the datapad. She leaned against the table beside him.

"I think so."

James nodded, turning the helmet, and starting to polish the other side. Stofsky and Gayle ambled by discussing ammo inventory. She was starting to get names now. She knew about Stofsky growing up on Mars and Gayle's wife still stranded on Eden Prime. The bay felt so still with just the four of them.

"I bet this is just killing you. So quiet," Shepard mused.

"And not you, Lola?"

Shepard shrugged. James twisted around for a canister on the workbench. He rubbed more polish into the rag.

"Only Stofsky and Gayle here? Think they're paying attention?" Shepard asked.

"Let's walk around a little," James said.

James set the helmet and rag on the bench. He turned down a row of crates, and she fell in beside him.

"I work at the that bench a lot," James said. "Just not really sure, you know?"

"You think someone's listening?"

"Anchor seems damn fast on the spot anytime he's _not_ wanted. Says some weird crap."

"Anyone else acting off?"

"Just him."

"Any of the crew his friends?"

James shrugged. "I don't know. Never seen them talking to him anyway. Doubt it."

James slowed as they neared the back of the bay.

"That why you wouldn't come up earlier?" Shepard asked. "You think my cabin's bugged?"

"I dunno." James shook his head and sighed. "Just …"

Shepard slowed her pace with him. "Just?"

James stopped and faced her. He glanced back down the aisle of crates.

"Shepard, that message. All encrypted, right? I figure Cortez and I, we don't need to know, but that Anchor guy? Think he'd like to find something on you, you know?"

"Find something on me?"

"Yeah," James said. "Some dirt or something. Figured I better not come up."

"Find something on me, huh?" Shepard pursed her lips. "He's connected to Terra Firma."

James put his hands up. "I don't need to know."

"I think the message was a warning." Shepard put her hands on her hips. "I'll see about removing him when we get back. For now, we watch him. As long as he's just snoopy, we're fine. He seems to have friends on board or acts off, we reevaluate."

"He's a chingaquedito, but might be more." James glanced back again. "He was approved by the admirals, right? Maybe there's more to it than just snooping around in who's sleeping with who."

"We stick with the problems we can control at this point. We can sort the rest out after the mission."

James nodded. They strolled back through the crates to the workbench. Gayle stood at the consoles by the elevator. Stofsky seemed to have left.

"No Anchor yet? He must actually be asleep or something," James said.

The elevator doors opened, and James tensed. Cortez ambled out reading a datapad. James chuckled and glanced at Shepard.

"Could have lost credits on that."

"See you later, James."

She passed Cortez with a quick smile and headed to the bridge.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

The glow of the fish tank undulated over the room as Shepard paced next to her bed. What she really wanted was open space, a track or a firing range, anytime to escape this cooped up feeling. The crew deck's little gym just made her feel more caged in. She'd spent too much time on Earth to feel cagey in her own ship.

She marched to the couch and sat down with a thud. She was going to try it. She'd been mulling it over since coming up to bed half an hour ago. It would be a small trial. Nothing big to start. If that went well, then she'd see. Dr. Chakwas's scan earlier in the week hadn't shown anything. Shepard's Cerberus implants were stable and body healed. Dr. Chakwas didn't even need to know. She'd only try to dissuade her and make it into a bigger deal. Shepard scanned the room. The glass cabinet of model ships loomed overhead. The reaper ship seemed fitting.

Her heart beat in her chest as she eyed it in the case. It had been a long time. She raised a hand and a blue veil rose from her skin. The room brightening in an azure glow. The skin tingled her arm as she motioned to the cabinet. The clear door swung open. The jagged crack up the corner grew as the door creaked on the hinge. The reaper ship lifted radiated dark energy and floated down from the case. She settled it onto the table in front of her knees. The blue light faded away from around her, and she picked the reaper ship up in her hands.

She waited several minutes turning the ship over in her hands. She had a vague headachy feeling but, otherwise, felt fine. She stood and pacing with it. She waited with every nerve alert to any warning sign. The headache was swelling but nothing too bad. A sharp pain throbbed behind her eyes. She fumbled for the edge of the bed and dropped down. She pinched the bridge of her nose. Maybe it was getting a little worse, but it was still tolerable. It really wasn't as bad as she'd thought it could be. A ringing burst through her skull and the pain splintered into pulsating crescendo. She drew in a stabbing breath, seeing bright lights, and snagged at her the corner of her bed as she started to spin.

X

Shepard's eyes blinked open. The carpet pressed against her cheek. The reaper ship rested sideways on the floor in front of her face. It was missing one of the claw-like arms from a jagged section at the base. Her head throbbed, neck stiff and achy, and ears still ringing. She tried to rise, and the broken reaper arm rolled under her palm. She swatted it away and put her weight on her arms. Pressure burst behind her eyes, and she collapsed. Her lips pulled back with a panting breath as her vision went in and out of focus. A heat spread across her face as she stared up at the ceiling. She touched her nose and frowned. She lifted her hand over her face to see. Red. She rubbed her fingers. Slippery. A drop fell onto her neck.

She took a deep breath and, gasping, got to her knees. The edge of the bed made a good enough crutch, and she wobbled upright clutching at the covers. She tried to straighten. Instead she tumbled forward and threw up.

X

The cabin's ceiling window framed Dr. Chakwas's face as she leaned over Shepard. Shepard strained to see her like looking at something underwater. Dr. Chakwas's voice sounded muffled and hollow in Shepard's ears. The bright orange light of the doctor's Omni-Tool flared into Shepard's face. Her eyes squeezed closed, but she could still see the light burning in her mind's eye.

"Thanks," Shepard croaked.

"Just stay still."

Shepard would have laughed if she hadn't felt so heavy and drained. For all her boasting to Miranda about having the process down, here she was needing to be told to stay still again.

"Your L3 implant is the problem."

The Omni-Tool turned off. Shepard opened her eyes slowly. The orange light superimposed the rest of the world as she met the doctor's eyes. Dr. Chakwas put a hand on Shepard's forehead.

"Let's go down to the med bay."

Shepard shifted her head but stopped short of shaking it. She grimaced as the pulse in her forehead flared. Motion was bad.

"No?" Dr. Chakwas said. Her eyes narrowed. "You're sick, Commander."

"That's why I called."

Dr. Chakwas lips twisted. "You couldn't make it down there? Calling me up was the only option?"

Shepard closed her eyes and swallowed. Any shifting of pressure made her eyeballs feel like corks on a shaken bottle. She looked up at Dr. Chakwas.

"Please," she said.

Dr. Chakwas gave a long sigh. The bed indented next to Shepard as Dr. Chakwas sat down.

"I could take better care of you down there. But, I know." She squeezed Shepard's shoulder lightly. "I suppose we can see how you do for now. If you're feeling worse or don't improve, you're coming with me to the med bay." She paused with a low chuckle. "Not much you can do to stop me either."

Shepard let out a deep breath and closed her eye again. Light hurt.

"All right." Dr. Chakwas stood up. "I'm going to grab a few things, and you are going to sleep."

Each thought caught in a stream. She couldn't think of any one thing. Shepard tried clearing her head, but everything just drifted away.

X

Shepard woke again with a gasp. She sat up and a wave of nausea rolled over her. Her vision was clear, but the glare of the fish tank made her look sharply away.

"Oh, good." Dr. Chakwas rubbed her eyes and stood up from the couch. "I was thinking I would have to wake you myself to check on you. Any better?"

Shepard leaned forward, and her stiff back popped. Damn she felt weak and shaky.

"How long have I been out?"

"A day."

Shepard's eyes widened.

"I've been checking on you but trying not to ignore everyone. Are you feeling better? You look it."

"Better. What did you do?"

"A few tricks. Nothing as powerful as sleep and time though."

"Oh." Shepard scooted to the edge of the bed.

"Now wait, Commander. Too fast and you'll set yourself back."

Shepard put her feet over the edge and leaned back on her arms.

"Everyone knows I've been sick?"

"Some might have pieced it together. You've been off duty over twenty-four hours. The XO has been—"

"Hell no." Shepard wobbled to her feet.

"Steady. Slow down." Dr. Chakwas put a hand on her shoulder.

"I can't—"

"Just sit back down." Dr. Chakwas applied a steady pressure on her shoulder until Shepard sank back onto the bed. "You may be the captain and a Spectre, but when you're a patient, I outrank you."

Shepard glared up at her. At least, she hoped it looked like a glare. Her head was fuzzy from the movement.

"Don't be unrealistic," Dr. Chakwas said. "You've been out for over a day. You still need to rest. You'll be on bed rest for a little longer." Shepard opened her mouth, but Dr. Chakwas pointed in her face. "If you charge down there now, you'll set yourself back with all the movement, noise, and lights. You're incapable of command decisions, and you'll embarrass yourself in front of the crew. I assume avoiding that was a factor in not going to med bay."

Shepard's head buzzed too much to weigh what she'd said.

"Anchor's in charge?" Shepard asked.

"Yes. He's your XO."

"Damnit." Shepard held her forehead.

"What are you going on about? I'm fairly certain you did this to yourself, you know."

Shepard shook her head still holding her forehead.

"I think you did. You don't remember?" Dr. Chakwas bent down by her.

"I used my biotics."

"It's been a year and half. You shouldn't have started out so big on your first try. It _was_ your first try, wasn't it?" She bent to catch Shepard's eye.

"Big? I made a model ship float."

"A model ship?" Dr. Chakwas squinted behind her at the glass case of ships and turned back with a frown. "That's all?"

Shepard nodded.

"Are you sure? Maybe you don't remember."

"That's all."

Dr. Chakwas motioned around the room. "But everything's a mess. Table turned over, a broken cup, scattered datapads. I found you on the floor."

"I wasn't feeling very good. Had to make it to the comm to call you. That was all after."

Dr. Chakwas searched her face. "You're serious, Shepard? You lifted something that small. That's all?"

"Yes."

"How long before you felt something was wrong."

"I don't know. Maybe quarter of an hour. Headache, vision changes, sick to the stomach, nosebleed. I passed out, I think."

"Sounds like biotic fatigue."

"Worse. Different."

"And way out of proportion to what you were doing. What you can normally handle. This brain activity is different too."

"I've passed out from biotic fatigue before. Few minutes later, I came to. I felt okay. Exhausted, headachy, weak. Nothing like this though."

"Well …" Dr. Chakwas rubbed her chin. She stood and stared at Shepard for a long moment. "I'll let you rest for now. But, Shepard …"

Shepard looked up and held her gaze.

"I think this is serious, Shepard."

A chill cooled her core.

Dr. Chakwas turned to the door. "Get some sleep. Doctor's orders."


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

"Oh, hey." Joker swiveled around as Shepard came up gangway. He actually smiled at her. "Been sick, huh?"

Shepard nodded slowly. Moving her head too much still made it pulse. She made a point to walk softly. A heavy footfall jolting through her skull was enough to drop her.

"Hey. Are you really feeling better, Commander?"

"Yeah. I'm fine, Joker."

Michael Richter sat in the co-pilot chair. His beaky profiled turned back at Shepard.

"Commander."

"Lieutenant." Shepard shifted her eyes back to the pilot's chair. "How far out, Joker?"

"Seven light years to Elliom."

"Drop out of light speed just outside the cluster and come in slow. Run silent. We'll check it out as we go in. Still haven't been able to hail the research station. I don't like it."

"Aye, aye, Commander."

"Update me on the comm before we drop out of FTL. I'll need to update the Council."

Shepard shuffled away. So much time idle waiting to get here. Now they were finally here, and she felt like hell. Each day was a little better. But the noises, lights, movement added up. She'd nearly thrown up in front of the engineering crew. She'd made it to the bathroom just in time.

X

When the med bay doors opened, Dr. Chakwas turned from her desk.

"Oh!" She rushed over. "Sit down here."

Shepard didn't protest. She slowly lowered herself into the chair at Dr. Chakwas' desk.

"You're looking bad, Commander. How long have you been up?" She walked over to the counter. "You're not going to tell me?" She looked over her shoulder as she pulled a scanner out of counter drawer.

"Ten hours?"

Shepard wasn't even sure. It was hard to concentrate.

"Here. Take these." Dr. Chakwas handed a paper cup to her. "Stay still."

Shepard stared into the cup as the doctor scanned her. Two green capsules. The scan stopped. Dr. Chakwas read the Omni-Tool's holoscreen as she wandering over to the faucet and flicked turning it on.

"Hmm." She scrolled down the screen then filled a glass of water. She turned around. "Shepard!"

The glass of water sloshed in her hand as she marched over. Shepard crinkled the paper cup, and Dr. Chakwas snatched it away. She shoved the glass of water into Shepard's hand instead.

"You already took it? Stop doing that. You need to swallow it with a full glass of water. Go on."

Shepard sighed and raised the glass to her lips. Dr. Chakwas reached out as if to tip it back for her. Shepard turned her head and took a swallow.

"Keep going." Dr. Chakwas gave a long sigh and threw the crumpled paper cup into the trash. "I swear you do that to get a rise out of me."

Shepard finished and clapped the glass down on the desk.

"Well, good news." Dr. Chakwas pulled the scan results up on her Omni-Tool again. "Things are starting to get better."

Shepard perked up in her seat.

"Activity is settling down across both lobes. Much better since yesterday. I think there's a good chance long as you rest." she looked up from the screen and met Shepard's eyes for a purposeful moment before looking back down. "Yes, good chance given time, it will calm down completely. Your symptoms should be getting better every day."

"What about my biotics?"

"What about them?" Dr. Chakwas shrugged. "Don't use them. Same restrictions as before. For now."

"I know that," Shepard snapped then moderated her tone. Maybe she did need some rest. "I mean, going forward. In the future. What does this mean?"

"Well," Dr. Chakwas said lowering her Omni-Tool. "I don't know for certain. Certainly serious. It's not something I've seen with a biotic before. This sort of derangement across the hemispheres, that energy signature, it could be specific to you and Cerberus' modifications. Or it's possible your brain architecture, chemistries, neural responses. They could be altered merely by having been …" Dr. Chakwas searched for a word.

"Dead?" Shepard offered.

"Yes, I suppose. Dead. Or it could be the other implants, how they're interacting. Or maybe just the L3 being damaged in relation to all of those factors. You were at the origin of a blast that disable mass energies. You'll need to wait until we're back on Earth for Miranda to diagnose it."

"I can make it that long?"

"Of course. You'll get better each day. You've just overtaxed yourself today. That's all."

"We're coming up to Elliom, the research station. The Council will want to touch bases."

"Then go rest. The station personnel have waited a year and a half, they can wait an extra eight hours. Rest before you talk to the Council and start the approach."

"Okay." Shepard stood up stiffly.

"A few days, I think, you'll be feeling better. Just rest."

Shepard ambled to the door.

"And stop taking your pills without water. You need to wash them all the way down."

Shepard waved her hand dismissively. "Fine, fine."

The walls shifted around her with head drumming. A few crewmen stepped out of her way gawking as she lumbered to the elevator. Sleep didn't sound like such a bad thing right now.

X

The Councilor's bright silhouettes disappeared. Shepard tapped the comm console. The buttons flashed until she jammed enough buttons it finally turned off. Acting up again. Sleep had helped, but she still had that splitting headache. She strode through the war room into the CIC. Anchor stood at attention by the door as she came out.

"Commander Shepard."

"Lieutenant Commander Anchor."

He fell in beside her as she moved to the elevator.

"No sign of the downed ship?" Shepard asked.

"Not yet. The probe did identify the dig site on the planet surface," Anchor said.

"Dig site?" Shepard frowned at him.

He glanced at Jane and some ensigns standing nearby. He leaned in closer.

"You know what I mean."

"Then say what you mean," Shepard snapped. She didn't bother to lower her voice. "No reason it has to be this big damn secret from everyone."

Anchor's face hardened.

The elevator doors opened and she stepped in looking back at him.

"Now," Shepard said "You have the bridge."

"Yes, ma'am," he said rigidly.

Shepard waited for the doors to close then gave a long sigh. She leaned her head against the wall for a moment feeling the elevator lowering. She took a green capsule out her pocket and popped it in her mouth as the doors opened to the cargo bay. She'd pinched it from Dr. Chakwas when the doctor made the mistake of handing her the whole bottle. She still had another pill in her pocket too.

James grinned talking loudly to the marines. The bulldog-shaped tower of Briggs smiled so wide his face looked cracked. Jensen's pixie cut bobbed with laughter. Shepard neared, and Jensen swung around as if just hearing her.

"Commander, you really throw a barrier around live grenades?"

Shepard stopped with a smirk. She glanced sideways at James. "Story Time with Vega?"

James shrugged with a wide grin and snapped his helmet on. "Could go the whole mission before airing re-runs."

"Live grenades though?" Briggs's baritone laughed out the words. "And they exploded? Didn't know a biotic do that with a barrier."

Shepard felt her smile fading and pulled it up again. She swallowed. "Well, don't expect a show this time. Hopefully, this is just a nice little trip to the countryside. Everyone, ready? Vega?"

"All ready, Commander."

"Jensen? Briggs?"

They bobbed their heads. Jensen's grin spread from corner to corner of her helmet. Briggs and James's smiles looked about the same almost bouncing on their toes.

"Cortez?"

He nodded at her from the open doorway of the shuttle.

"Good. I'll gear up, and then we're head down. Tower defenses for the facility still down, Vega?"

"Yeah. Jensen's good with it though."

Jensen patted her backpack. "Just take swapping out the energy coupler and charging the sync on the main tower generator. Over a year? Gotta have burned out that coupler long time ago."

"Let's hope that's all it is then. Grab some biotic and lift grenades," Shepard said moving to the armory. "We still can't reach any of the researcher staff. I don't like it. Ten minutes, then we head down."

X

The trees on Elliom towered overhead from the forest floor. Tree roots rose like gnarled bridges interconnecting trunks. Shepard gazed around at it from the research facility's courtyard. Cortez hopped out of the shuttle.

"Only clearing in kilometers. Hard to get to anyone in all these trees," he said.

A cluster of gray buildings lay ahead in the clearing surround by vacant-looking towers. They pushed through the brittle crabgrass staring up at the main building. The central building soared above them with opaque glass shielding what had to the Prothean excavation site.

"Jensen," Shepard said. "Where's the main generator? Let's get these towers up pronto."

"Yeah," Briggs muttered. His jowls jiggling as he whipped his head around squinting into the dark canopy beyond the clearing. "Something I don't like here."

"Me too, Lola," James said under his breath. "Where'd these researchers go?"

"I hoped the Medurrus's crew might have connected with them," Shepard said. "Looks empty though."

"Kinda eerie, right?" James said.

"Jensen." Shepard turned to her.

Jensen consulted a glowing map on her Omni-Tool. "West of here, Commander."

"Then let's go. Keep your guard up. Cortez," Shepard touched her comm looking up at the hill at him. "Stay in the shuttle. Don't wander around."

"Yes, Commander."

"Jensen, keep with me. Let's find the shield generators."

X

Jensen bent over the circuit box at the base of the central towers. She shifted to the side and threw off another panel. Shepard stood in the shadow of the glass building overhead. She glanced around at the other four towers. She could only glimpse the far two as small peaks over the research buildings. Torn and stained siding lined the empty, powerless buildings behind them. Shattered windows littered the yellow grass with bit of reflecting glass. The buildings' sliding doors stood open and broken. Some looked like they'd been pried open. Jensen grunted fiddling with her Omni-Tool.

"Problems?" Shepard asked. She pressed her pistol to her thigh as she sank next Jensen.

"Sorry, ma'am," Jensen said. "Gonna take more time than I was thinking. It's been all rooted around in, torn up."

"Torn up?" Shepard frowned. "From what?"

"I don't know, ma'am. Seems kind of indiscriminate. No real method to it."

"You can fix it?"

"I'll try."

Shepard stood up. James pulled his rifle off his back and over his head. He clutched it as he stared into the woods.

"What's the matter?" Shepard asked.

"Thought I … I dunno know."

"Thought you heard something?" Shepard stepped in beside him and jammed her pistol away. She lifted the shotgun off her back and aimed it at trees. "I did too."

"Hey, Commander."

Shepard turned to Briggs. He stood behind them squatting beside one of the cement buildings. He ran his hands along the scorched wall and looked up.

"Looks like something happened here. Got some gunshot burn and this." He outlined the scorch mark.

"Looks like a biotic blast," Shepard murmured crossing the field to him.

"Shepard," James said raising his gun.

Shepard spun around lifting her shotgun. A blue light glowed distantly under the tree tops. Shepard frowned edging closer as it grew brighter and larger. A scrapping sound tore across the ground like scrambling feet. It broke into the clearing.

"Draw your weapons," Shepard bellowed charging back to James.

"Commander!" Briggs yelled.

A glowing light rushed from the other side. Jensen lifted her assault rifle and aimed. James fired as the light in front of them blazed closer. Shepard swung around with her gun. Some oily creature tore the ground under four legs as it shot at them. A network of electricity rippled along a body with no real head.

"What the hell's that?" James yelled.

Jensen and Briggs fired in the other direction. James's bullet strikes didn't seem to phase it as it hurtled at them. Shepard stumbled back firing and grabbed James shoulder.

"Get into the lab!" Shepard yelled.

The thing coming from the other direction was nearly on Briggs and Jensen. Shepard tore a biotic grenade from her belt.

"Duck and run!" She lobbed it past them.

It arched over Briggs' head. He scrambled to the wall as Jensen tumbling over his heels following. The flash threw them forward slamming against the wall and to their knees in the grass. James raced up reaching a hand out. A half-open doorway gaped a few meters down the wall.

"Come on!" Shepard waved and turned to lop another biotic grenade.

It slammed into her smashing her into the ground. The grenade rolling from her shocked fingers as gunshots burst around her. It bore down on her, and she gasped as mass effect fields tore through her body. Her hands dug into the dirt, toes curling in her boots, and teeth clenching to almost shattering. A red circle glowed in its gelatinous skin by her face. The biotic grenade rolled against her thigh, and her hand shot out. She grabbed it with a scream and drove her fist forward into the red glow. Her hands sunk into the oily black jell. Every nerve burst as lightning zig zagging through her chest. Her joints burst apart as tendons stretching and buzzed. Electricity flared out from the red circle, and the creature limped off her. She tore her hands pulled free with a slurpy pop and scrambled back on slippery hands. She kicked madly stumbling to her feet as it surged at her again. It burst. She flew backward in a spray of black gel and biotic flickers. She sat up from the ground and lifted her hand. The grenade's ring hung loose on her index finger. She flung it away panting and wobbled to her feet. The firing stopped.

James grabbed her shoulder. "What happened? You all right, Commander?"

"Commanders?" Jensen rushed over to them with a hard set to her mouth.

Shepard nodded coughing. "Where's the other one?"

"Ran off. Grenades scared it, I think," James said.

"How long?" Shepard tried to catch her breath still shivering from the electricity. "How long to restore the towers?"

Jensen twisted to look at the control panel. "I can do it, ma'am."

"Go."

Jensen tore through the grass and tripped as she slid onto her knees by the control panel.

"Briggs. Watch her. See if she needs help."

He gave a firm nod, holding his rifle out, and rushed over. James edged forward past Shepard with the rifle in his hands.

"They're coming back!" Shepard said.

Her shotgun lay meters away covering in black ooze. She pulled her pistol out instead still blinking back bright lights. James's head whipped to look at her with pinched eyebrows. She waved off his frown and stumbled into spread leg stance holding her pistol out. It wavered as she tried steadying it with both hands. Blue light glowed in the forest under the trees. Loud hissing sounds echoed over the clearing. James lifted his rifle and looked down the barrel.

"Commander," Jensen called. "Almost got it."

"Keep going." Shepard looked at James. "Any more grenades?"

He dug through his utility belt and shoved two into her palm. Neither were biotic grenades, just a lift and incendiary grenade. Shepard frowned at them and shoved them in her pocket. What she needed was more biotic grenades.

"Commander." It was Cortez.

"Cortez?"

"Got things coming your direction from this side. Had to lift off."

"That's fine. Vega." Shepard pointed up the hill as the shuttle rose above the hill. "Cover my three. Aim at the glowing red circle. Briggs, you hear me too?"

"Aye, aye!"

Two oily creatures burst out of foliage across the clearing in front of her. Shepard aimed and fired.

"Jensen!"

"Yes. Almost … almost …" The tower flared to life. A shimmering wall flashing out in front of them connecting tower to tower. "There!"

The animals skittered into the blooming wall of energy. One burst apart. The other stumbled to a stop reeling backward and retreating into the canopy.

"Any already on this side of the fence?" Shepard hollered.

Briggs shook his head. James ran up the slope where Cortez had lifted off.

"Negative, Commander," He said and turned with the rifle slacking in his grip. "Just on the other side. I can see them."

"Cortez?' Shepard touched her ear. The wall encircled the facility, but it wasn't covered overhead. "You able to land?"

"Yeah," he said. "I'll find a spot. Those things I saw coming. Splattered apart or something when that fence came up. Were too close."

"Good." She turned to her team. "Everyone all right?"

"You don't look so well, Commander," Jensen said.

"I'm okay. I'm standing," Shepard said. "Let's move. How long we got with these fences?"

"It was just a patch job, Commander. Need some real engineers down here."

"Let's go then. In that way. Vega, get this facility door closed behind us. Let's not take any chances."

"Ma'am," Jensen came up beside her. "I have medic training."

"Fine," Shepard said swiftly. "But let's make it fast. We need to keep moving."

Jensen nodded and grabbed Shepard's hands, singed and shaky. Shepard could only imagine what her face looked like. Her head throbbed. Still, she felt better getting body slammed by that thing than she had using her biotics to float some damned model ship. She'd been under attack and not used her biotics reflexively. That alone was a win.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

Dark and empty, the research facility folded out before them. The rooms cluttered with broken benches and shattered lights. Ripped insulation stuck through crumbling plaster and torn up flooring. A pale sunlight filtered through the opaque glass onto the dim gray outline of the excavation site. They continued along the hall walled with a window looking out over it.

"We looking for a door to out there?" James asked. "We passed one back there."

"No," Shepard said. "We're looking for the central research room. Jensen, I'll need you to work on the backup generators when we find it. We need their research data online."

"You got it, ma'am. Just show me what you need."

"That looks like a big room coming up." Briggs nodded ahead of them at two multistory doors looming at the end of the hallway.

"That it does," Shepard said and rushed forward.

It took a few minutes jimmying the doors far enough apart to slip through. Shepard slid through last and flipped on her Omni-Tool light. Three other light beams circled around the room. The room rose overhead into a peak and rows of consoles circled the room's center. Shepard drew in a foul stench and covered her nose looking around them.

"Got some bodies over here," James said moving down the wall.

"I'm sure we'll find more," Shepard said.

He hunched over something on the floor with a sigh. "Looks like they starved or something maybe."

"Better than those things getting them," Jensen said. "Probably drug off the other bodies."

Shepard reluctantly dropped her hand and focused on breathing through her nose. She ran a hand along a bank of consoles.

"We need to focus on this. Jensen, find the power generator. Vega, Briggs, check the doors. Big room. We don't need any open doors letting in any surprises. Go."

Feet scrambled to follow orders. James and Briggs's Omni-Tool lights bounced on opposites walls rounding the vault. Jensen bent skimming her light along the outer row of terminals. The light on Shepard's wrist moved ahead of her as she walked down the aisle of computer to the central platform rising overhead.

"Found it, ma'am," Jensen said.

"Good. Bring it up."

"Aye, aye."

Shepard's forehead furrowed as the light on her Omni-Tool trailed up a tall obelisk-like structure rising in the middle of the platform. She locked her feet stopping short. A shiver ran up between her shoulder blades as light play off the stone above her.

"All clear," James called across the room.

His footsteps neared and Shepard sparked awake from thought. She tore around the platform holding herself several steps back.

"Vega, stop. Get back!"

The lights flared on overhead. The room lit up in a bright flickering hum. James stood blinking and frozen. His eyes moved from her as she waved him back and rose to the statue towering over head. Briggs and Jensen edged in slowly stopping well short and stared up at the stone structure.

"Is that …" James looked over at her.

"It's a beacon," Shepard said.

X

The damned thing was broken for all the precaution she was giving it. The bottom end of the obelisk had a jagged edge as if broken off its base. Shepard rounded it, staring up at it, and running a palm across its surface. She stood back with a sigh.

"Not going to do anything?" James asked taking a step toward her.

"Stay back," Shepard said.

"But, it looks busted," James said. "It's not doing anything."

"We don't know enough about it," Shepard said. "I can feel …" She pressed her palm to it and squeezed her eyes shut again. She opened them and stood back. "It's … I don't know. Just stay back."

"You've had these Prothean beacon things attack you?" Briggs said.

"No attack me," Shepard said. "But, you don't want one grabbing you. I was told they can destroy some people's minds. Damn well screws you up if you don't expect it."

"Think we can get information from it?" Jensen asked. "Maybe it'll help us find that thing you're looking for."

"I don't know. Maybe."

"Lola," James lowered his voice. "You've been sick. Maybe you don't want that thing messing with you. Let me or someone—"

"We don't know how that would work out. I'm the only one with the cipher. I don't need my marines screwed up and seeing visions that we can't even make sense of. I'm doing it, if we can figure out how to activate it."

"Maybe we need to find its base," Jensen said. "It looks broken."

"Maybe." Shepard touched the stone again and closed her eyes.

A deep hum made her fingers tingled. A familiar draw made her reach out with her nerves as if to draw energy. She pulled back with a start.

"This takes dark energy," she said.

"What?" James said.

Shepard stepped backward staring up at it before turning to him.

"I triggered it before. It felt effortless, uncontrollable, but I think it took my dark energy fields. It needed that connection. Saren was a biotic. The only other person who triggered a beacon was Kaidan. He's a biotic too. I think, we need dark energy."

James edged in closer and Shepard didn't wave him off this time.

"Why don't you just you-know, then?" James asked.

Shepard folded her arms with a tight frown. "I'm having problems with my biotics. I need something else to trigger it."

"What then?" James said. "Only other biotic we got aboard is Anchor."

"No," Shepard said sharply, then glanced back at Jensen and Briggs. "Anchor wouldn't understand the visions. We need an external field to trigger it so that I can receive it."

"Like a biotic grenade? We got more on the ship," James said.

"That could destroy it," Shepard said. She stared at it, head throbbing, and folded her arms feeling the rigid stickiness on her right arm. She held her arm out dried with oily residue, and her eyes turned to James. "I have an idea."

X

They metal crate had probably been used to transport food. At least, finding it in the kitchen, had suggested it was used for something like that. Transporting a glowing, hissing pile of goo worked too. Shepard and the other soldiers struggled under the weight of the shaking container. Each held a corner as Shepard lead the way back into the vaulted central research room. The beacon rose in the center like a tall back staff as they neared.

"Let's drop it here," Shepard said with a grunt.

James's face glowed ear to ear like a rowdy puppy dog whose master had finally taken it out to play ball. Jensen and Briggs grinned openly with sweaty faces. It had taken some trial and error. Using the biotic grenades from the shuttle as a deterrent, they'd figured it out. Driving one into the crate had taken a little more time than she wanted, but even she had to admit, it had been damn fun sport. Fun long as you had your fence up for retreat and biotic grenades to turn back the tide.

"You don't need help sliding that up?" James said. "We could get closer."

"I can already feel the beacon humming," Shepard said. "Everyone get back. I got it."

Shepard waved them back and rounded the crate. She grunted, driving her shoulder against it, and inching the crate forward under the strain of boots. What she really needed was something slippery in front to reduce the friction. She was edging it forward though. The beacon's hum heightened in her skull.

"I'm not hearing that humming," James said standing back.

"I do," Shepard said clenching her teeth and sliding the crate forward.

Her muscles shivered in cool sweat as she finally wedged the crate up to the base of the platform. Jensen sat on a back console, feet dangling, and watching with a frown. James and Briggs stood side by side next to her.

"Is it not working?" James said. "Nothing's happening. You're right there."

"Damn you're impatient. You're worse than me," Shepard said walking around the crate and staring up at the beacon. "That hunt didn't work any of your energy out?"

James laughed. "Think it just wound me up, Commander."

"Wind back down, then. I've got to figure this out."

She squinted up at the beacon and cocked her head. The high-pitched whine still rung through her skull, but it wasn't glowing like she remembered the other beacons doing. She twisted back to her audience.

"No one hears that?"

"No one hears that," James said.

"Huh."

She strolled forward and put a palm against the beacon. An electrical shiver went up her arm, but there still wasn't any light to the stone surface. She backed up with a frown and bumped into the crate. It shuddered with a loud hiss, and light glowed for an instant off the stone. A smile spread across Shepard's lips. She darted a glance back at James before turning back to the beacon. She pounded her fist on the top of the crate. It roared with a shuddering flare. The beacon burst to life. Energy slammed into her. Her muscles stiffening as her feet lifting. Her mind whirled with images and information. She struggled to draw breath seeing nothing but light. She dropped sprawled forward on the floor panting. A crack thundered overhead.

"Shepard!"

Shepard tore to her feet and dodged as the beacon crumbled forward. It slammed down beside her in a crashing spray of glass and metal from the console boards. The crate glowed jumping and hissing as Shepard staggered on her feet. James skimmed along the row of computers and spilled out into the aisle. He raced down to her.

"I'm getting the hang of these beacons," she panted bent over holding her forehead. She looked up with a smile. "I know what we need to do."


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

Dirt floated in the beam of Shepard's Omni-Tool light as bounced off the tunnel walls. A musky dampness tickled her nose. A quick glance back confirmed she hadn't lost anyone yet. All the gawking and conversation had long since died down in the monotony of the tunnel system.

Shepard rummaged in her pocket for the other green capsule she'd taken from Dr. Chakwas. Her fingers fumbled around the incendiary and lift grenades until she found it and popped it in her mouth. The cool and quiet of the underground tunnels helped the pounding in her skull. They slowed on an intersection of tunnel passageways. Shepard flicked her light right and then left.

"This way." She continued ahead.

James edged up beside her and lowered his voice. "Not questioning you here, Lola, but we've been going around a long time. I mean, you must know something about this place finding those hidden doors, activating that bridge, and all."

"We're almost there," Shepard said.

"Yeah, but where's 'there?'" James said.

Jensen clicked her tongue as her light flashed around the tunnel. "Sure reminds me of the keeper tunnels back on the Citadel."

"When did you see keeper tunnels?" Briggs snorted.

"Grew up on the citadel. Trust me, got up to a lot worse than that."

"Who'd a thought these relays were so much like the citadel, right?" James turned back to them. "Didn't even know the relays had tunnels."

Shepard stopped. Her light illuminated a steel door dead ending the hallway in front of them. She turned to Jensen standing a few steps behind.

"Jensen, the door," Shepard said.

Jensen grinned rushing ahead and dropped beside the door. She ran her hands along the outside and searched along the sides of the tunnel with her light.

"I- I'm not sure how to open it, ma'am. There's no control panel to override."

Shepard sighed coming over and bent down by her. She ducked her head next to Jensen's watching the light as it moved across the smooth surface. No circuitry. Not that she was any good at that stuff herself anyway. Her palm pressed against the door. Her breath caught.

"What is it?" James rushed over.

Shepard blinked as her eyes swam with images. She rose unsteadily against the door and pulled her hand away with a gasp.

"What happened?" James said.

The door gave a dusty, squealy groan. Shepard stumbled back as it shivered and scraped across the floor retracting into the wall. The stale air hit them like the winds from a crypt. A faint light burned in the distance as Shepard edged past the door. Her footsteps echoed around the towering chamber. Her hair stirred around her head as she edged to a gasping chasm and looking up. It had to be as tall as the top of the level. Her breath caught as her eyes dropped to four metal bridges spanning the windy chasm. The dim light she'd seen glowed in the ring intersection of the bridges. A white shaft of mist or dust phosphoresced came up through the ring and shined into the dark canopy overhead. It was a glimmering stone suspended above the central ring in the shaft of light that caught Shepard's eye. She smiled.

"Set some lights up," Shepard said and hedged along the walkway encircling the chasm. The bright shaft vanished into the depths below. Shepard peeked past her toes into the torrent of wind and darkness. She pulled her head back and edged to the nearest bridge.

"You going to get up there?" James asked. "Doesn't look too steady."

James scooted along the chamber's wall and edged up beside her. The bridge's thin metal groaned as Shepard tested the weight of one foot. James gave her a sharp look, and she slowly lifted her other foot. The bridge moaned as she settled it beside the other. The metal shifted, and James caught at her elbow. The bridge settled as Shepard stood still in the whipping wind up the chasm.

"It's fine," Shepard murmured. "I'll go slow."

"Okay …" James released her elbow and pressed back to the wall.

Shepard shuffled forward as the bridge's overlapping metal plates groaning beneath her boots. The interlocking joints along the bridge shifted and she put her arms out with a grimace. James drew a sharp intake of breath. Her feet slipped backward on the metal as the bridge slanted up to the middle ring.

She crested the slope drawing shallow breaths. Her eyes focused on a stone no bigger than her hand, dark and smooth, hanging in the air ahead. The white mist hung in the air around it shooting up and down like a beam of light but without energy. It looked almost like snow or dust caught in the flash of a camera. Shepard shuffled up to the edge of the bridge where it connected by a thin metal ring circling the open air. The ring was wider than she realized, wider than a person laying down. The reflected back at her hanging just out of reach.

"Can you get it?" Jensen hollered. "That's what you're after, right? That what we came for?"

Shepard bit into her lip and strained forward. She had nothing to hold onto. Her stomach caught in her chest as she teetered. She drew back slapping back on the flat of her feet. The bridge shuddered. She froze, arms spread, and adjusted her balance as it settled beneath her.

"Want me to come up the other side, Commander?" James asked.

He scooted along the wall in the corner of her vision.

"No," Shepard yelled not taking her eyes of the shard. It wasn't much of a prize to look at it. The black chunk of metal barely had a shine, but that had to be it.

"What can we do?" Jensen called.

Shepard shifted on her toes and pushed her fingers into the mist feeling the air. A cool light chilled up her arm as she pushed her hand out further. The gravity field was bent or changed somehow. Shepard squinted up at the shard. Maybe she could use the field to reach it, but that didn't seem right either. She frowned and concentrated until a shiver ran down her back. She yanked her hand back and snapped onto the heels of her boots. She adjusted her weight as the bridge shifted and turned toward James. He was still inching along the walk and almost opposite her now.

"Vega," she called.

"You want me to come up?"

"No," Shepard said.

James paused waiting for her to speak.

She chewed her bottom lip and finally gave a growling sigh. "Bring me Anchor,"

X

"Commander." Anchor's voice echoed entering the chamber door below.

Shepard hadn't moved. She stood stiffly at the edge of the bridge next to the unmoving mist. She tilted her head enough to watch him gawk up at the massive room.

"Hey," Shepard called down. Her voice reverberated distantly in the chamber above. "I didn't call you to come gawk. I need your …" She grinded her teeth and then spat it out, "Biotics."

"My biotics?" He raised his voice over the wind.

"For what they're worth. I need you up here."

James frowned. "We still got that creature that makes the biotic fields."

"No," Shepard called. "Send Anchor up. I need some dexterity, a small level of finesses, to get this thing down."

"You can't reach it?" James projected stepping up to the edge of the gaping hole.

"I need a mass field to take it. Anything else, it'll just shatter. Anchor, get your ass up here."

"I'll come right up," Anchor said.

He shuffled against the wall rounding in front of her. Shepard gave another long sigh and shifted on her feet as she waited.

"Come up the bridge across from me," she yelled down.

"Certainly."

James lingered just out of full view as she watched Anchor approach the bottom of the bridge. The metal plating squealed and shifted, and Anchor reeled back from it.

"It's fine," Shepard said. "Go slowly. It's old."

"If your weight's already on it, then you add mine …" he said.

"That's why I told you to take the opposite bridge. Look at them, they're not supporting each other."

"So, my side goes, you'll be fine," Anchor hissed.

Shepard strained to hear it.

"Are you coming up or not? If not, I'll figure something else out. You decide, Anchor. Time's ticking."

"All right," Anchor bit off.

The metal shifted and whined as his full weight settled on the bridge. James paced against the wall with hands clutched behind his back. He caught Shepard's eye with a frown. Anchor squirmed slowly up the bridge. After some metal creaking and sharp intakes of breath, he crested the rise of the bridge, and she could see him. Their eyes met through the powdery beam.

"Why aren't you doing it? You're a strong biotic, I hear."

"Did you want to help or not?" Shepard asked.

He gave a weak shrug with his arms winged out. He picked his way forward as the metal groaned.

"Damn this is creaky. One good thunk …" Anchor looked down at her feet. "Your side just as bad?"

"You almost ready?" Shepard asked.

He slipped up to the edge of the metal ring and gazed up at the shard.

"Ah, there it is. Everything we came for. That's it? Smaller than I thought."

"The admiral said it was small."

"Yeah, not much of a shard. Makes me think of a crystal. Why'd they call it that?"

Shepard released a long breath to draw his attention. His head snapped back to her.

"Listen now," she said. "You have to reach up through this field. Use your biotics. This fields, it's a distortion in mass effect energies. I don't know how. I can't explain it. Just reach in. See what you feel."

Anchor's frowned at her but gave a sigh and reached a quaky hand out. His fingers dipping into the white mist. He blinked as if sensing something.

"You know what to do?" Shepard asked.

"No. I feel like I could … maybe …"

"Reach up. Draw on your biotics."

"They're weak."

"Doesn't matter. Just a little. Just enough. Shift the energy up but bend the center. Then let it move to the shard and pull inward. You can feel the resistance. Work around it like drawing in a vortex only outward."

His eyes scrunched as he gazed down into the abyss. A blue so pale it was almost white flared across his skin. He reached up in the mist and a swirl of blue light rose from his fingertips. The shard glowed, twisting, and vibrating.

"Slow down," Shepard snapped.

Anchor took a deep breath as the shard stilled. He tried again. It glowed with a soft hum.

"You're doing it," Shepard said.

She touched the misty beam could feeling the energies move.

"Now draw in a vortex but reverse it. Feel it loosening?"

Anchor grit his teeth and danced his fingertips at the shard. It rocked, tipping, and slide through the mist. Shepard lunged for it, but Anchor snatched it and rocked back. Shepard reeled back and retributed her weight as the bridge groaned.

"Good. You've got it," Shepard said.

Anchor opened his hand. It rested in his palm so dark against his skin, it seemed to draw in light. Anchor looked up and met her eye.

"Here." He stretched through the mist holding it out to her.

Shepard shook her head with a pressed lipped frown. "Just bring it back down."

"Wait," Anchor's eyes widened. "It's starting to stick. I can't …"

"What?" Shepard surged forward and grabbed a hand out after it.

Anchor snapped it back in his hand. "Got it. Careful."

He tippy toed and shot his other hand out. He met her hand and shoved her backward. Her elbow locked throwing her stumbling back. She teetered on the edge of the bridge as the metal screaming and moving beneath her.

"Commander," James yelled.

The metal gave way beneath her. Shepard lunged for the ring connecting the bridges as hers broke away. Her fingers skimmed the metal as she fell. Anchor stared wide eyed shooting away as the light pinholed. She threw her hands out to grasp something. Grasp anything. Her finger tips grazed the beam of light. Worthless. She felt the lump in her pocket and fumbled at it. The end of the light approached. She hurled the grenade. The light ended. It exploded.

Pain slammed into her body. She screamed, or tried, but her lung wouldn't opening. Blood oozing across her face from her bit tongue as circled floating above the ground. Her knuckled dragged on cool metal floor as bit of shattered armor floated around her face. Pain ripped her leg. She strained to see in the darkness. Her lungs opened, and she screamed. Gravity returned and she fell as the pieces of her armor rattled to the floor around her. She spit up blood, curling an arm around her leg, and stared up in the darkness.

She'd gotten the right one from her pocked: the lift grenade. A fifty percent chance and she was alive. She screamed again. The walls echoed around her. Faint voices stirred above. The prick of light above looked like a star. She stared at it, gasping for breath, and wondered if it really was a star.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

"Bad spill, Shepard," a woman's voice sighed. "I'll have to sedate you."

Shepard gasped at the lights and sound blurring around her. She fumbled to grasp something or anything. Her heart fluttered. She was still falling. A warm hand grabbed her wrist.

"Just settle down. Don't try moving. You're on the Normandy again. You're fine."

Everything so fuzzy. The world blurred away.

X

Shepard shot up with a gasp. The room exploded in brightness as Shepard blinked around her. A hand touched her shoulder.

"It's okay. You're fine."

She squinted into the light of the med bay. The image crisped into the frowning face of Dr. Chakwas. She shined a light into Shepard's face. Shepard shied away, but Dr. Chakwas grabbed her chin. She looked in Shepard's eye one at a time then backed up.

"You're doing a number on yourself this time, Shepard. Good thing you brought me along." She turned the light off on her Omni-Tool. "No serious damage. Not this time at least."

Shepard sat on a metal table with a thin blanket across her lap. She plucked at her hospital gown before putting a hand to her ringing head. She winced as pain throbbing up her leg.

"You broke your legs," Dr. Chakwas said. "Gave you a pain med twenty minutes ago. Still going to hurt though."

Shepard calmed her breathing. The shard flashed in her mind. Shepard squirmed to twist off the table and drop her legs on the floor.

"You can try, but you're not going very far. Your legs are still setting. I sedated you for the shortest time I could to let the bones heal. Knew you'd want that. But you've got to rest them. And you're head, Shepard, be glad all that trouble didn't upset your implant. You do have a concussion though. You'll have trouble with that for a while, I imagine."

Shepard took a deep breath and pressed her fingers to her forehead. Dr. Chakwas patted her back.

"Maybe I should sedate you again. Give you more time to heal before you agitate yourself."

Her mind sped through disjointed memories. Those creatures, the shard, the fall … Anchor. Shepard grit her teeth and dropped her hands from her face. She balled them into fists.

"You're clearly getting too agitated."

"No!" Shepard said as her voice cracked.

"Yes, you are."

"I need to see Anchor. Where is he?"

"On the bridge I imagine. He's acting CO while you're out. I've been down here with you for days."

"Days!" Shepard lunged to get off the table again.

"Pointless, Shepard," Dr. Chakwas said. "I told you. Your legs are setting. You can't feel they're in containment?"

Dr. Chakwas dug around the counter for something. She pulled out a syringe out of wrapper and drew an amber liquid of a vial. She looked sidelong at Shepard. Shepard frowned and spread her fingers out at Dr. Chakwas as she neared.

"I guess it was too soon, Shepard. Sorry."

"Where's Kaidan?"

"Kaidan?" Dr. Chakwas paused with the needle and frowned. "He's not here, Shepard."

Shepard frowned in concentration. That's right.

"It's your concussion talking. You clearly still have inflammation. Here."

Shepard squirmed away, but Dr. Chakwas grabbed her IV tubing instead.

"Where am I?"

"You're on the Normandy." Dr. Chakwas injected into the tubing port and stared down at Shepard.

"My legs broke?"

"Yes."

The world blurred into white light. Shepard felt a hand on her forehead pushing her back. Then nothing.

X

When Shepard woke up again, she still in the med bay. Dr. Chakwas's slumped forward over her desk asleep on folded arms. The overhead lights hummed dimly. It must be night cycle.

Shepard tried her legs. They moved with only a slight twinge of pain. She threw the covers back and flexed her calves. Bruises covered her legs, but at least they were workable now. She touched her wrist, but her Omni-Tool was missing. Her feet touched onto the cool metal floor. Nerves in her leg zinging with each step as she padded over to the counter and pulled out a drawer. Dr. Chakwas stirred and lifted her head.

"Up walking?" she murmured. "How are you feeling?"

"Like new," Shepard said quickly and pulled out the next door. She rifled through it.

"Looking for something?" Dr. Chakwas stood.

"My Omni-Tool," Shepard said.

"Damaged, I'm afraid. Adams repaired it though. It's up in your room."

Shepard frowned shoving the drawer back in and turning to face Dr. Chakwas. "What's the update? How long have I been out?"

"The update?" Dr. Chakwas chuckled. "Very well. You've been out five days."

"Five days." Shepard's eyes flew open. "Five days?"

"Takes a while to set legs. You broke your femur. Not to mention your brain edema. We nearly lost you."

"You said I was fine!" Shepard snapped. "Kept hearing you say it."

"Sometimes the best medicine is a positive attitude. You're alive, aren't you?"

"We got the shard? Where is it?"

"What shard?" Dr. Chakwas frowned. "Let me check you again. That concussion may addle your thinking for a while."

"Where's James?"

"You can see whoever you want. Let me check you out first though. Sit over here." Dr. Chakwas tapped the metal table.

Shepard sighed and walked over swinging her arms. Her legs ached.

"Then, I can go? I'm back on duty?"

"May want to change out of that hospital gown, but yes. Assuming the scan doesn't show anything, you can go. Your legs are still healing. You're not doing anything strenuous for a while I'm afraid, and it's not just me telling you that. You try it, your body's going to tell you same thing."

Shepard hopped up onto the metal bench and cringed from the stretch in her legs.

"See, right there. Go slow."

Shepard nodded. She had a lot to catch up on.

X

Shepard shuffled up the gangway to the cockpit. The familiar green globe of Elliom hung in the distance. Anchor was nowhere around that she'd seen so far.

"What's going on Joker?"

He yelped.

"Sleeping again?" Shepard said. "You had to hear me coming. Probably sounded like Jacob Marley's ghost dragging myself up here."

Joker twisted around. "You're up. Welcome to the Broken Bones Club, by the way."

"Membership sucks."

"Uh, you're telling me."

"Everything all right up here? Anything I need to know about?"

"Actually …" Joker peeked around her.

"He's … I don't know where he is." Shepard waved off toward the CIC. "Not here. Just say it."

"Probe found a grounded cruiser three thousand kilometers off the research site."

Shepard frowned. "When did you find it?"

"About the time you got back."

"And? Have we found anything?"

"Kinda got to look before you find something," Joker said.

Shepard's eyebrows furrowed. She braced a hand against the wall as she shifted her weight. "Nothing's been done?"

Joker shook his head. "Anchor didn't even want me telling people. Wanted to head back."

"But we're here." Shepard pointed out to the planet cresting the cockpit window.

"I may have let it slip in front of a few people. Honest mistake and all."

"So, there's been a standoff?"

"Yeah. Kinda. He thinks he's CO and everything. Guess technically is … was. The rest of us knew you'd be coming around eventually. Figured you might see things different. You're a softie for not leaving people to die on forgotten planets."

Shepard gave a growly sigh. "Five days ..." She turned to go back down the gangway. "Thanks."

"Hey, Commander …" She paused and looked back at him. He lowered his voice. "You think he pushed you or something? You know, down there?"

"Why?" Shepard frowned. "Is that what it looked like?"

"Uh, I dunno. James said it kinda looked strange."

Shepard stared at the floor trying to replay it in her mind. If she hadn't been warned against him, she probably wouldn't even consider the idea. She'd probably biased James and the other, too. It had been strange though.

"I don't know," Shepard said finally. "That's a big accusation to throw around though."

"Uh. Right." Joker looked away and turned in his seat. "Later, Commander."

X

"Lola," James walked out of the elevator and crossed the cargo bay to her. She didn't bother standing up front the crate she was using a bench. "You been waiting down here for me?"

"You or Cortez or someone," she said. "What's this about finding a downed ship?"

"Talked to Joker, huh?" James crossed his arms. "Kinda had some difficult words with XO Anchor. Think he wrote me up even."

"Good luck submitting it out here."

"He's been using your quantum thing. Talking to the counsel. Pretty sure he's passed along his disagreements with all of us."

"Us?"

"Esteban, Adams, probably Joker too. Briggs, Jensen. We're not on board with just taking off."

"He won't check it out?" Shepard said. "We've been orbiting for five days."

"Says it's a risk with the wildlife. Been fighting with us and talking to the council. We've been waiting for you."

"Well, we're going down to see. Right away. Get the others around."

"We? Nuhuh, Lola. I mean, you're the boss and all, but think about it. Your legs? You ain't going down there again."

"I can …" She trailed off and looked off. "Okay. Fine."

James nodded.

"Get everyone around." Shepard stood up slowly as her legs popped. "And, hey," she looked at him, "where's that Mass Effect shard?"

"That thing you were after?" James said. "Anchor's got it, of course. Haven't seen it since we got back up here."

Shepard gritted her teeth. "You seen him? He up?"

"Went up to the bridge, I think. Us talking here, though? Probably on his way down now."

Shepard shuffled to the cargo elevator. Briggs and Plastino walked off and stared at her as she hobbled by. Her head still hurt as she moved, but she tried to give them a smile. Anchor wasn't going to be happy to see her.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

"Thank you, Councilors," Shepard said.

Anchor stood sour faced next to her. Shepard turned the black stone over in her hands. It was the real shard. She had been suspicious at first after ordering him to relinquish it in front of the Council. She could feel a resounding, biotic prickling quality to it as she held it in her hand. It was the real thing.

"It's good to see will be all right, Spectre," Tevos said. "It was a shock to hear. Good thing your XO was able to control things. He's been very helpful."

"I bet," Shepard said flatly. "You're all aware a downed cruiser was found on the planet. Probably the Medurrus. It's been five days. We haven't sent anyone down to investigate it."

"We did investigate," Anchor said frostily. "Several probes have been dispatched. It's an old wreak. Nothing there but that downed ship."

"Downed ship." Shepard turned to him. "That downed ship could have survivors, Anchor."

"Or, we could lose some of our marines. The planet is dangerous. While you were down, I had to make the hard calls."

"Hard calls," Shepard snorted. "It shouldn't be a hard call. You should have been down there looking for them."

"Enough," Mason said. "Make your decision on how to proceed, Spectre, but remember you are a week behind schedule. I agree with investigating this ship on foot though. It could be the general and his men."

"General Taurin could still be alive if that's his ship," Sparatus said. "He and his men are true heros. Fighters. I agree with Mason. We need to have you go see. That's part of the reason you went."

"But not the main reason," Tevos said. "If it is dangerous, you can't sacrifice the primary objective to complete the secondary."

"Losing a few marines won't sacrifice the mission," Ilk said tiredly.

"We're not losing anyone," Shepard said. "But five days without any action? It's unconscionable."

"Anchor just chose to investigate more conservatively," Mason said. "That doesn't make it a wrong approach. In fact, he waited in orbit for you to make the decision once you were fit for duty again. Sometimes more lives are saved through conservative measures than the brazen ones."

"How many are saved by doing nothing?" Shepard asked but moved on. "We'll check this out and update you."

She curled her fingers around the shard in her palm and cut the feed. She turned to Anchor. He stared coolly at her.

"I left the decision for you," he said. "Just because we have different approaches—"

"Enough," she said. "Come with me. We're going down to the cargo bay. The landing party is getting ready."

"Very well," he grumbled falling in beside her. "That shard should be kept under watch. I can put in the armory for you. Keep the combination. Just you and I."

"James manages the armory."

"If you trust him, he can know the combination too."

"I'll take that into consideration." She shoved it into a pocket, and the hard lines deepened around his mouth as his eyes lingered on it.

She led them to the elevator. They stepped in.

"You look weary," he said as the doors slid shut. "Are you really ready for duty?"

She glanced at him. "Ready to take back my duty. Definitely."

"Very well."

They stood in silence for a moment.

"I told you on Elliom to take the shard with you, not hand it to me," Shepard said.

"You were so keen to have it," he said. "It was the first thing you wanted when I saw today."

"You knocked me off balance on that bridge." Shepard watched him for a reaction.

"I tried to help you," he said. "You tumbled back. I couldn't help."

"The risk of dropping the shard resolved itself pretty fast after I went to reach for it."

He didn't say anything crossing his arms with a furrowing brow. The elevator stopped and the doors opened. She stared at him a moment longer then caught the door as it started to close. James and two other marines collected rifles from the armory. Armor leaned against the side of the shuttle.

"I want you to lead the team, Lieutenant Commander," Shepard said as she stepped into the bay.

Anchor stared at Cortez, who circled the shuttle punching buttons on a datapad.

"Getting off the elevator?" Shepard asked.

"What? Oh." He blinked at her and then stepped out. "Of course."

"Did you hear what I said, Lieutenant Commander?"

Anchor shifted. "I was distracted, Commander."

Shepard glanced at Cortez. He squatted down to check under the shuttle.

"Why's he doing that?" Anchor motioned at Cortez.

"Doing what?" Shepard's frown deepened. "He flies the shuttle. He's doing a pre-mission inspection. Why does that matter?"

"Seems like he should be helping load. Helping Vega or helping you."

"Helping me what?"

"Get ready for the mission? Should we leave the shard in the armory?"

Shepard stared at him.

"Pay attention, Commander," Shepard snapped.

His head whipped to her. His eyes drifted out past her shoulder and narrowed. It had to be James or the other marines behind her. A quick peek confirmed the men were smirking, but keeping the appearance of being engrossed in sorting heat clips. She hadn't kept her voice down.

"Now listen." Shepard turned back to Anchor. "I will stay aboard and be in contact with you. I need you—"

"You're not going?" Anchor's eyebrows shot up.

"That's what I said when –"

"But, ma'am."

"Stop interrupting me, Commander."

Anchor fidgeted with his uniform cuffs. His eyes drifted back to Cortez, and a flush rose up his neck. Maybe he was afraid. She couldn't remember from his records whether he'd seen action or not. It was probably his first time leading a team into combat.

"I, uh … Of course. Just unexpected is all," he said. "From everything I'd heard, you always lead groundside."

Shepard's eyes ached as she stared at him through the bright bay light. Her headache was getting worse. She had to wrap this up.

"You're going with Vega, Stofsky, Briggs, and Jensen. Get your stuff around. I'll communicate with you from the CIC."

Shepard didn't waste any more words and walked over to the marine.

"He what? Seriously, no way," Jensen said to James.

"Not joking. Just this biotic flash, batted the bullet away." James laughed.

"That's not even possible," Stofsky sputtered.

James grinned. "If you met Major—"

"Listen up," Shepard snapped with enough edge that more than a few eyes widened. The chatter stopped. "Lieutenant Commander Anchor is leading the team."

Vega shot her a sharp look over his shoulder. She gave him a hard look back.

"Aye, aye, Commander," James said with a wrinkling brow.

Stofsky ran a hand along his red cornrows and shared a look with Briggs. Something drew Jensen's attention, and she twisted to squinted around Shepard. Shepard followed her gaze to the shuttle. Anchor loomed over Cortez gesturing as if ordering him about.

"Lieutenant Commander Anchor," Shepard boomed.

Anchor's mouth twisted. He glanced between her and Cortez, then ambled over.

"Let's collect everything quickly," Shepard said.

"I thought we had another hour," Anchor said quickly.

"We have everything, Vega?" Shepard looked back at him.

"Commander. We're ready."

"Let's go then." She twisted to Anchor. "I recommend finding your armor."


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

Shepard waited in the CIC watching the crew. The shuttled should be arriving near the crash site. A year and half without resources was going to be a long time to go without and survive, especially turiens. Some of the plant life was dextran, but not much. Shepard strolled into the war room out of sight of the crew and shut the door. She leaned over the center table with shaky arms and gritted her teeth. It was quieter and dimmer here.

A light blinked on the edge of her vision on the quantum communicator. Shepard walked over with a frown. Lights blinked across the QEC comm console. She ran a hand over the buttons and the light went out. It was acting funny again. Damn, she wished she was a better engineer. She'd have Adams look at it later. It seemed to be functioning though. She punched in the sequence as if calling the council. It looked like it would go through.

"Nearing drop site." Cortez's voice came over the comm.

Shepard sighed touching her forehead remembering the look James had shot her. Maybe she was wrong sending Anchor. He was XO. It would for neither of them to go down with the ground team. She didn't know anything about him on the field though. He could freeze up under pressure and put all her soldiers at risk.

"Are you there?" It was Anchor's voice.

"Yes. I read you, Lieutenant Commander." Shepard touched her earpiece.

"Almost to the ground. Arriving near the downed ship, Commander."

Metal scraped as if settling against bedrock. Shuttle doors slid open.

"Move, move."

Footsteps scrambled out across metal onto rocky dirt. Must have found a clearing close enough to land and unload.

"Landsite secure." It was James.

"Cortez, keep the shuttle grounded here," Anchor said. "We may need to retreat. Only move on my order."

"Aye, aye," Cortez agreed slowly.

Not a typical command, but if Anchor wasn't used to seeing action, maybe a straightforward escape route was foremost on his mind. Footsteps shuffled and armor clanked.

"How close did you get to wreak?" Shepard asked.

"It's down a ways, Commander," Cortez said. "It was visible before I landed. Thick forest. Hard to see too far ahead."

Shepard paced. This must be the first time in years she wasn't with her team on the ground. Maybe it wasn't fitting for the CO to be vaulting into the shuttle at the first sign of trouble. She hadn't gotten where she was though by hanging back and telling everyone else how to do it. She should be down there.

Her head floated, and she felt for the wall. She sank down quickly and waited for it to pass. All she could hear was movement and breathing.

"We're gettimg close to visualizing it." It was Anchor.

Shepard wished she could see it. Once she got back to Earth and worked through this implant issue, she'd find a good fight. Not one with words and treaties, a real fight with guns and biotics. Though maybe she'd never use biotic again. The thought sobered her. Maybe that part of her was gone. It had been part of her for her whole life. She had been getting good wrapping things in her barrier. To never use biotics again, feel it again, a whole part of her military tactics and talent gone. It would change an extraordinary soldier into a mediocre one. Her training and all the combat she knew revolved around it. She was too old now to relearn it and hope to get to where she had been before. She stretched her hands out in front of her. To never to see the ripples of blue across her skin again or feel the electrical corona …

"None of the ship occupants visualized," Anchor said.

"Orders?" It was James.

Anchor spoke. "Split up. We'll fanout. Search for signs of any survivors. James, Briggs, and Jensen. Stofsky, you're with me."

Maybe she should have sent down more men. If they were just searching, maybe she could go down. Maybe it would be low key enough her leg—

"Movement! Take cover!" James yelled.

Shepard's spine snapped straight as gunfire sounded. Shepard groped against the wall rising to her feet.

"Anchor! What's going on?"

Gunfire, yelling, scrambling.

"Anchor?" Shepard tried again. Nothing. "Cortez? You read me?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"What's going on? You hear the gunfire?"

"Yes. I can't see it. Sounds faint when not listening to the comm."

"Vega?" Shepard called pressing her earpiece.

"Here," James said out of breath.

"What's happening?"

Shots, rushing, and sliding sounds. Charging for cover maybe.

"What's going on?" Shepard breathed faster pacing as her head pulsed with pain. "Vega?"

"Commander. Can't find Anchor."

"What about Stofsky? Jensen? Briggs?"

"Here," James said. "Just found Stofsky. Taking cover. Those creatures."

"Use the biotic grenades. Scare them off," Shepard said. "Vega?"

No answer. Shepard tore out of the war room to the elevator. She smashed the button.

"Vega?" Shepard tried again. "Anchor?" Still nothing.

She rushed into the elevator as the doors opened. Diaz and Plastino spun from the bank of terminals as she burst into the cargo bay. Their eyes widened watching her.

"Vega, do you read me?" Nothing. "Cortez?"

"Commander," James said.

"Damnit, James! What the hell's going on?"

Maybe Anchor had fallen. If he was just injured, he should be responding. Maybe he was worse than injured.

"You found Anchor yet?"

"Negative."

"Stofsky? You were with him. Anything?"

No answer.

"Stofsky's comm's offline," James said. "He's shaking his head though. Not sure where Anchor went."

"Damn," Shepard growled. "Cortez?"

"Yes, Commander."

"Step outside the shuttle. How far does the fighting sound?"

More shots burst in the background.

James spoke again panting. "Briggs with me. Stofsky, Jensen fall back."

"Let me check, Commander," Cortez said. There was the sound of the shuttle doors sliding open. Cortez's breath caught in the mic.

"What is it? Cortez?" Shepard asked.

"Yeah, yeah. Found Anchor."

Dead. Not dead. Even a shoddy soldier like him on her watch.

"Says his comm's out too. Uh … here—"

"Commander." It was Anchor. He must be talking into Cortez's comm.

"What the hell's going on, Anchor?"

"Under attack, Commander."

"Is that Anchor?" James asked on the comm.

"Fall back to the shuttle," Shepard ordered. "Cortez, see if you can pick them."

"What about me?" Anchor said.

"Sit your ass in the shuttle. You're coming back. All of you. We need to sort this out."


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

Shepard charged up to the shuttle as the doors slid open. A sheen of sweat caught the light on James's forehead as he jumped out of the shuttle.

"What happened?" Shepard demanded.

Briggs and Stofsky hopped out behind him. Jensen watched Shepard warily standing in the doorway of the shuttle before dropping down into the cargo bay.

"Those creatures rushed us," James said. "Way more than last time, Commander. Almost took down Briggs."

Shepard sized up Briggs. He stood a little unsteady but not much worse than the others.

"I'm fine, Commander," Briggs said. "Just got the drop on me is all. Vega saved my ass."

"And what about you?" Shepard asked searching past their faces for Anchor.

He pushed through Briggs and Stofsky into the cargo bay.

"I called a retreat to the shuttle, but my comm went out. No one must have heard me."

"And you left them?" Shepard asked coming up to him.

"I thought they were right behind me."

"You thought they were right behind you …" Shepard repeated. "Did you even look?"

Anchor's face reddened. "Of course. I thought they were right there!"

"The gunshots in the distance instead of 'right behind you' didn't tip you off?"

Stofsky came up beside Anchor. "Ma'am, I—"

"Stofsky." Shepard held up her hand and gave him a pointed look until he stood silent. She turned back to Anchor. "How did you get separated?"

Anchor shook his head and looked off. "I don't know, Commander. I just turned around. Stofsky wasn't there. I don't know how he lost me."

Cortez swayed in the shuttle's doorway. His face scrunched, and his eyes glinted with a hard edge when they met hers. Shepard took a step back from Anchor and looked each one in the face.

"We're going to debrief. Take a few minutes."

Her earpiece crackled. "Commander."

"Joker?"

"A distress signal just activated near the ship. To the west."

"Survivors," Shepard said. "Must have heard the commotion."

James shifted on his feet with his helmet under his arm. He caught Shepard's eye.

"Send Briggs and Jensen with me," James said. "We'll get 'em. We'll stock up on grenades. We know how many to expect this time."

Shepard held James's eyes and considered.

"Okay," she said finally.

James's face split with a grin and he jogged toward the armory. Shepard stopped him.

"You'll take Plastino and Diaz too. Stofsky?"

Stofsky looked up. "Yes, ma'am?"

"How you feeling? Briggs? Jensen?"

"Fine." Jensen's short hair waved with her head bob.

"Just fine," Briggs agreed.

Stofsky nodded.

"Okay. You all go with James. First we'll debrief upstairs. You've got a few minutes."

Anchor stepped up to Shepard. "I—"

"Stop," Shepard interrupted. "Back to the CIC. We'll talk later."

Anchor's face stiffened. He seemed about to say something but then brushed past her to the elevator.

"Aye, aye," he muttered.

James called over to Plastino and Diaz. Briggs lead the others to the armory and started changing out guns and gathering grenades.

Cortez hoped out of the shuttle and came up to Shepard. "Commander."

"You okay?" Shepard eyed him critically. "You see any of it?"

"No. Uh …"

"What is it?" Shepard straightened herself to face him.

Cortez looked past Shepard's shoulder. Shepard turned and followed his gaze. Anchor stared fixedly at them from the elevator. The doors close cutting off his hard eyes.

"What is it, Cortez?"

"Um …" He rubbed his forehead. "Don't know if I should say anything. I don't know anything for sure."

"What is it? You obviously have some concern. Out with it."

Cortez glanced around then said quietly, "There was a strange reading when I was checking the shuttle earlier, before we went down. I really thought it was nothing. A small glitch to look at later."

"But?"

"But," Cortez stepped closer, "when I got out of the shuttle down there, Anchor was there. Only he wasn't trying to get into the shuttle. He was messing around with one of the back panels."

"Messing around?"

"Up to something. I checked the system on return. That funny reading's gone."

"And what does that mean?"

Cortez sighed. "I'm not sure. Only, it's suspicious."

Shepard nodded. "Look into what he could've been doing in that panel. Run diagnostics on the shuttle again. Be thorough. We'll delay going back down until it's all checked out."

"If you want a thorough check, maybe hour to hour and half," Cortez said.

"Get started. I'll let James know we're waiting on that."

Cortez walked over to his tool box. It was heavy enough he dragged it to the shuttle. Shepard's forehead pounded. She touched her face, so hot and sweaty. For an instant, she saw the grassy lawns of headquarters and the cool winds coming off the ocean. Wishing for Earth weather while in space? She was becoming a grounder.

Shepard walked over to James. "Hey. Cortez's running some diagnostics on the shuttle first."

"Why? We need down there. Those things could be all worked up. We don't know shape those survivors are in."

Shepard touched her forehead. It was getting worse. With the adrenaline subsiding, she was left with the consequences of racing around furiously through lights and sound. Maybe it was the stress.

"You okay, Lola?" James came up close and peered at her.

Shepard dropped the hand on her forehead and straightened. "Fine. We'll go ahead and debrief." James opened his mouth but Shepard beat him. "We're waiting on that shuttle check first. That's the way it is."

James sighed but nodded. "Aye, aye, Commander."

"Get the others upstairs. The old war room. Fifteen minutes."

Shepard rushed to the elevator and rode up to the crew deck. She bumped into Anchor standing by the elevator doors.

"I said to go the CIC, Lieutenant Commander. What didn't you understand about that?"

"That's where I'm going. Just need to—"

"Enough." Shepard jammed a finger in his chest. "You're relieved of duty."

"What?" His eyes widened. He lurched to catch the elevator doors before they closed. "I'm on my way up right now."

"Too late. Go back to your bunk. You're relieved of duty."

Anchor's face scrunched with fists clenching at this side. She could do him one favor by sending him on before he said something.

"Dismissed," Shepard said.

He burst past Shepard to the crew bunks.

X

Shepard flew through the med bay door. Dr. Chakwas rotated in her seat before seeing Shepard. She shot up and rushed over.

"What happened? You look …"

"Awful?"

"You were doing so much better."

"I need something more. What can you give me?"

"It's too soon for more pills."

"Get them for me anyway." Shepard moved to the sink and grabbed a glass. Dr. Chakwas wasn't moving. "Now!"

"I was going to say something." Dr. Chakwas put a hand on Shepard' back. "I can give you pills, but what you really need is something only you can give yourself."

"I'll take the pills." Shepard shrugged Dr. Chakwas's hand off and filled the glass.

Dr. Chakwas looked at her. "You must really be feeling bad to get yourself the glass of water."

"The pills, doctor!" Shepard put her palm out emphatically.

Dr. Chackwas's lips pulled tight. She backed up to the cabinet and took down a bottle. She set a green capsule in Shepard's hand.

"I want two."

Dr. Chakwas's frown deepened, but she tapped out another capsule. She set it next to the other in Shepard's hand. "Fine. There you go. They'll only help you so much you know."

"I know." Shepard slapped the hand to her mouth then brought the glass of water up. She gulped it down.

"All of it."

"Damnit!" Shepard spat holding the glass out in one hand. "I know!" She frowned and gulped at the water again.

"You are the surliest patient."

Shepard smacked the empty glass down on the counter. "See! I drank your whole damn glass full of water. Got it."

Dr. Chakwas folded her arms as Shepard passed by her. "Go then. You know what to do if you really want to help yourself."

Shepard marched to the elevator. She called the elevator and backed up to peek into the crew bunks. Anchor's back was to her. He sat on a bottom bunk hunched over with his chin resting on his hands. She tapped her foot as she waited by the elevator. These pills better kick in soon.

X

They filed out of the war room. James, Briggs, and Jensen trailed out to the elevator, and Shepard walked over to the galaxy map.

"I'll be in the cargo bay when you're ready, Commander," James said.

"I'm waiting Cortez's call, then you'll be on your way," she said with an absent nod.

Shepard bent over the railing as her eyes rested unfocused on the map of star systems. Jane stepped in beside her.

"Are you okay, Commander?"

"Yes." Shepard tapped her fingers on the railing. "Just taking a moment."

Jane leaned forward on the railing next to her. Officers walked around them, the elevator doors opened and closed, the galaxy map hovered bright in front of her. Jane shifted.

"Commander?"

"Yes, Ensign?"

"How long is Lieutenant Commander Anchor suspended?"

Shepard sighed. The pills weren't working fast enough.

"The Lieutenant Commander?" Shepard scrunched her eyes to think. Her thoughts were fuzzy. She straightened against the railing and faced Jane. "Indefinitely."

Jane's mouth opened slightly. "Indefinitely, Commander?"

"Indefinitely. Or …" Shepard moved to the elevator. "Or … until I say so."

X

Shepard touched the datapad on her desk. It was her private one. The one she used for her Spectre activities. She didn't remember leaving it on top the stack of folders. She turned it on using her fingerprint, but everything seemed in order. She tucked it under into a desk drawer. She checked the information clip. It still tumbling around in the dreadnaught. She set it back in the display case.

Shepard switched the lights off on the fish tank. With the auxiliary lights out, the room sank into darkness. It was darker than her room as home with the city lights coming through the window. Though that wasn't home, Earth. This was home, space.

Shepard stumbled against her desk chair and fumbled on the shelf by the empty hamster cage. Her fingertips touched the cool metal of the button. She felt along the wall, careful with the two steps down, and finally bumped against the bed. She crawled across it and lay back letting her body go limp. The stars shimmered overhead. Were they closer than on Earth? She wasn't sure anymore. She held the button to her chest and twisted it around in her fingers. No, the stars really weren't much closer from here. For a moment, she even missed the moon.


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

"Commander." James's voice on the comm jolted her awake. "Esteban finished his diagnostics on the shuttle."

Shepard stumbled out of bed. She fumbled through the darkness and smacked her leg against the table. She cursed picking her way up the stairs to the blinking on her desk on. The comm flicked on.

"Understood, James. Any issues?"

"Negative."

His sounded strong without hesitation.

"Take the landing party down."

"Aye, aye."

"And James?"

"Yeah, Lola?"

"Give those electric bastards hell."

"Aye, aye!"

Shepard pushed back from the desk and felt carefully for the chair before lowering herself down. A long breath escaped her lips as her fingertips dug in her pocket. The button was still there. She hadn't lost it in her sleep. She'd better change and get ready. Sleeping in her uniform – tsk, tsk. James wasn't going to spare any time getting back in the thick of it.

X

"Okay, Lieutenant Commander Vega. Where are you?" Shepard stood in the war room speaking into her comm.

"We're on the move," James said through the comm. "Distress signal still meters off. No activity. Pretty quiet."

"Cortez?" Shepard asked. "How's it going?"

"No problems, Commander. I'll come around if you need me, Vega."

James laughed. "Uh, with this canopy cover? That ain't gonna be easy, Esteban. Gonna need to drop ropes or something. Appreciate the sentiment though."

"Worried, Vega?" Shepard smirked. "Been slacking on your 180 pull ups?"

"Not thinking of me. Just thinking of poor Briggs here." James sounded breathless.

Rustling and heaving breathing filled the background. They must be running along the forest floor.

"Ha ha. Funny one." Briggs's voice.

Jensen's voice came on. "Ya know, someone says 'that's funny' instead of laughing, it needs some work."

"Well, I wanted planning on using it again," James said.

"Don't quit your day job," Jensen said.

James chuckled. "I wish it was only a day job!"

Shepard touched her ear and looked at the time. "How we doing?"

"If you don't hear screams or gunshots, we're okay," James said.

"Yeah. I'm with Jensen here," Shepard said. "Don't quit your day job."

"Again, I say 'what day job?'"

Someone snickered. Shepard smirked and lowered herself onto the floor. Feet scrambled and crunching through overgrowth.

"Commander, we're getting close." James panted then said sharply, "Wait!"

"Hold back," Briggs said.

"What is it, James?" Shepard asked.

James didn't answer. Shepard strained to hear anything. A pop. Two pops. Then many.

Shepard spoke into her comm. "Is that—"

"Gunfire!" James hollered. "Let's go. Diaz, Plastino, Briggs left. Keep in sight. Rest with me."

Shepard turned down the volume in her ear. The background pounded banging and thumping with feedback. The gunfire was definitely getting closer.

"Cortez?"

"Yes, Commander?"

"You nearby in case of extraction?"

"Affirmative. Right overhead."

"You see anything?"

"Negative. Just trees, Commander. We're quite a ways from the crash site."

"Okay." Shepard wiped sweaty hands on her pants and sat up straighter.

"Status, James?"

"Getting a visual just now, Commander."

"And?"

"It's the turiens, Commander."

Shepard let out a breath she didn't remember holding. "Are they under attack?"

"Affirmative. Briggs, team." James was probably making motions. Gunfire burst over the comm, and Shepard flinched. "Jensen over here."

A volley of bullets burst through the comm. Someone yelling in the background.

"Go! Go!" James's voice yelled over rifle fire.

Unknown voices murmured in the background. Shepard held back from interrupt them in combat. She waited.

"Cortez?" James yelled.

"Yes, sir?"

"Need extraction. Drop those ropes."

"Really?" Cortez's voice raised. "I can't … I'll figure it out, sir."

Shepard rested her head against the wall and tapped her fingernails on the floor. She should have gone. Even if she only remained in the shuttle, she could be lowering the ropes. Cortez was driving the damn shuttle. She had some damned good blue steel cord in her belt pack upstairs. She should have sent it with them. Maybe Cortez didn't even have any rope. Shepard bolted to her feet and paced.

"I'm down as low as I can go," Cortez said.

"Jenson!" James yelled. "What the hell you doing?"

"What's going on, Vega?" Shepard finally said.

"Jensen's climbing a damn tree," he yelled through the gunfire.

"Someone's gotta be in the shuttle to lower the rope," Jensen said.

"Cover her!" James said.

Shepard paced. James continued issuing orders over roaring hisses and shots.

"Almost …" Jensen's voice strained. "I'm up!"

A couple hoots cheered her on.

"I'm dropping weapons," she said.

"Ropes!" James said.

"In a minute."

Thumps.

"You're hitting us, Jensen!" James yowled. "Hey, you guys there, grab those."

He must be talking to the turiens.

"Got one, Boss," Diaz said.

"You'll get a medal later," James shouted. "Start using it. Route them, Plastino."

The shooting ramped with the sound of grenades exploding.

"Watch those!" James yelled. "Bounce off a tree, you'll kill us."

"Wasn't thinking, Commander."

"Yeah. No crap."

More firing boomed through the mic.

"Go! Go! Go! Diaz, Stofsky move forward. You three over there! Keep firing. Can you get them moved to the back?"

He must be talking to the turiens. It was deafening. Shepard turned her volume down again.

"Ropes, sir," Briggs called.

"No! Keep on them! They're retreating," James said.

Shepard stopped pacing. "They're backing down?"

Jenson got on. "Climb the rope. I'll help you guys up."

"Cancel that," James said. "Focus on these ugly assed things. Don't stop!"

"Sorry, sir," Jensen murmured.

"They're retreating?" Shepard asked.

"Uh … retreating sounds too intelligent," James panted. "But, yeah, they're leaving. That extra firepower. Maybe the grenades. Keep the shoots going, guys."

Gunfire continued.

"You still have the turiens, right?" Shepard said.

"Uh," James paused. "Yeah. Right here."

"How many survivors?"

"Eleven."

"Is General Taurin there?"

Muffled talking mixed with gunfire.

James's voice turned back to the comm. "Safe."

"They know anything about the researchers?"

"Said they're dead. Died a year ago."

Shepard let out a loud breath. "Okay. Can you get out of there?"

"They fell back," James said. "Hold!"

She'd gotten used to gunfire in the background. When it stopped, her ears rang.

"How many can you carry, Cortez?"

"This shuttle? Probably need two trips to be safe."

James came on, voice at first unintelligible speaking to someone who didn't have a comm. "They're saying there's a safe area to the west."

"Okay. Good. Cortez, follow them west. Look for open ground. We'll take two trips. The turiens first. Lieutenant Commander, you able to hold out for a second shuttle back?"

"Uh, yeah. General Taurin wants to stay with us until—"

"Absolutely not. He comes up with his men. First shuttle."

"Uh … I don't think you can stop him, Commander."

Shepard drew out a long breath, "Fine. Can you hold out?"

"Affirmative. They're saying they have a camp that's fortified. It's away from the 'Kalper' territory."

"Good."

Shepard nodded wiping sweat off her face. She should have been on that shuttle, but she couldn't hang onto a wrong decision. Everyone was safe. She'd made one right decision though: putting James in charge. Pinned down in the forest, she didn't want to think about what would have happened if Anchor had been in command.

X

"Commander?" Anchor said.

Shepard waved him off as she walked into the cargo bay.

"I told you to go to your quarters," she said.

"You said 'relieved of duty.' Didn't know that meant grounded."

"It does for now. Go."

Anchor's nostrils flared. The second shuttle had just come in. Rescued turien soldiers sat in a heap in the cargo bay's corner. They nodded weakly to her in their faded and scratched armor. Dr. Chakwas bent over them with a scanner. The shuttle's hatch opened.

"Go," Shepard repeated to Anchor and started to the shuttle.

"There are turiens here now?" Anchor said.

Shepard spun on him. "It will be tight quarters on the way home. Get up there, or I'll put you under arrest."

"You're overreacting," Anchor clenched his teeth. "I made a poor decision in command. It's not a reason—"

"You're insubordinate. That's why you're relieved of duty, Lieutenant Commander."

Soldiers filed out of the shuttle.

"Stofsky, Brigg," Shepard called. They looked droopy and exhausted, but hearing their names, they ambled over. "Take XO Anchor to engineering. Leeward side. Handcuff him to the wall. Then stay with him."

Stofsky and Briggs's eyes widened. They glanced at each other.

"Now!" she said.

They stumbled forward, but Anchor wrenched his arm away from them.

"I'll go!"

"To engineering," Shepard said.

"No. I mean, I'll go to my quarters."

"Too late for that." Shepard tilted her head toward the elevators. "Go or they'll drag you."

Briggs reached for him, and Anchor shoved his hand away. Stofsky took a step closer.

"Fine! I'm going."

Anchor stormed to the elevators with Stofsky and Briggs on his heels. Everyone had exited the shuttle. Cortez caught her eye and took a determined step toward her, but she held up a hand. She had things to do before debriefing with anyone. A gray turien with patchy red armor shook James's hand. The stooped posture and sweat slicked hair didn't dampen James's wide smile.

"Excellent work, Lieutenant Commander Vega." Shepard came up to them.

"Aw. Shucks, Lo—Commander." James laughed and moved past her to the armory.

"Commander Shepard," the turien said.

"General Taurin."

"You came a long way for a dozen turiens."

Shepard smiled. Here she was now - shard safe in the armory and the turien crew rescued on the Normandy. Over a month in space and now the was mission was achieved. She'd need to get used to delayed gratification if these were her missions in the future.

"Living on an uncolonized planet for over a year, General. I think you're overdue a rescue."

"I'm sorry about your researchers. We came across the facility. No one was left. I think they were killed by native life. The native life …"

"As we saw."

"They drove us from our ship. We realized after a week of fighting them that we were close to their nesting area. Carried the distress beacon as far as we could. I'm sorry your men had to take that."

"I don't think they are." Shepard glanced over at James grinning as he sorted weapons to log back into the armory.

"Eager for a fight. I can respect that," Taurin said. "After a year fighting things wanting to eat you and long out of heat clips, I'm ready for something else. Like hot food. I assume you have turien food? We were fortunate to be on a planet with some dextran plant life. Eating dirt sometimes seemed more appetizing."

"Understandable. Please …" Shepard put a hand out toward the elevator. "Your men can share space with the crew. We have cots and partitions. Ample space with a lounge and observation deck for setting up beds."

"After sleeping on leaves and twigs, I don't know if I'll be able to sleep on anything else."

"Might not take as long to get used to it as you think. It's over a month back to Earth. It will be a lot of down time for your men. They want things to do, I can find it. Otherwise, just regroup."

"A month?"

"The relays were damaged. Travel is limited."

They stopped at the elevators.

"A long time passed since our ship was damaged escaping the Illusive Man's base. I assume he's dead now or under arrest?"

"Dead," Shepard said hollowly. Anderson's face flashed in front of her for a moment.

Taurin nodded gravely. "We'll need some updating. A year and half out from the biggest war our civilization has ever seen. A long time to be out of commission after defeating the reapers." He paused. "We did defeat the reapers, right?"

Shepard tried to smile, but it felt weak.

"Yes." She turned away and pushed the elevator button. "We won."


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27

"This is good news, Shepard," Councilor Tevos said.

Shepard stood in the quantum entanglement field. The four councilors spread out before her as flickering holographs. General Taurin bowed and stepped back out of the field.

"Thanks, General," Shepard said.

A brief nod and he left out through the war room. There was a lot of catching up for him to do and some of that no doubt included sleep.

"Spectre." Councilor Mason's lips were drawn tight. "This news about Anchor is very upsetting."

"That is System Alliance business, Mason," Sparatus said.

"I know." Mason turned on him. "Admiral Wilson will be very upset about this. To have Anchor handcuffed under watch. It seems extreme, Shepard."

Sparatus snorted and turned leaving the quantum field. Ish followed suit.

Councilor Tevos hesitated. "This is certainly a serious internal matters for the Alliance, Councilor Mason. We understand this is the only method to communicate with Commander Shepard for many weeks."

"Four weeks," Councilor Mason said.

"The Council will permit the Systems Alliance to use the transmitter for communicating with Commander Shepard until she reaches regular comm space."

Councilor Mason raised his eyebrows with a growing smile. "Thank you, Councilor. This is a generous suggestion. The Alliance will be selective in using it I will make sure. This is a serious matter to resolve, Shepard."

Tevos bowed her head at them and receded from the feed. Mason was the only one left.

"I will inform Alliance leadership. This matter can be dealt with quietly and privately. Admiral Wilson will no doubt want to speak with you."

"I understand," Shepard said resignedly. "Thank you, Councilor."

"Thank you, Shepard. Saving Taurin and his men will be welcome news to the turiens. The retrieval of the Mass Effect shard alone is a hug victory. Well done, Spectre."

Shepard tripped as she backed off the QEC platform. She never thought she'd hear that from a Councilor. Maybe there was hope, but then she thought darkly of Admiral Wilson. That was going to be a lot less warming.

X

"Much better, Shepard."

Dr. Chakwas thumbed through the brain scan reports on her Omni-Tool. The headaches and dizziness had subsided. Whatever she'd started by using her biotics, it was finally settling down. Her legs were finally healed and steady again too.

Shepard crossed her ankles as they hung off the metal table. "I think you were on to something about the more sleep, minimizing light, and activity."

Dr. Chakwas set the datapad down on the counter and walked back to her desk. "Guess that's why they graduated me from medical school."

Shepard sat silently watching the back of Dr. Chakwas's head as she brought up her terminal's holoscreen and flipped through image reports. They hadn't talked much since the day Shepard stormed into the med bay for medicine. She could charge head first into battle head held high, but returning to the med bay after their last encounter, had made her put drag her feet. Finally, she hopped off the bed and walked over to the desk.

"I'm sorry," she said simply coming around the front of the desk. "You've been doing a lot for me. I was off base steamrolling you like that."

Dr. Chakwas met Shepard's eye. She stood up from her chair and pulled Shepard into a hug. Shepard's spine straightened rigidly. Hesitantly, she gave Dr. Chakwas's back a pat. It was strange. Since her parents died on Mindoir, she'd lived a mostly untethered life in the military. She rarely hugged anyone her whole life until these last few years. Certainly, for most people, it was just a part of life, the meaning very small.

Dr. Chakwas pulled away and patted Shepard's shoulder. "I didn't learn that at medical school, but I think it's important nonetheless. I know you're going through a hard time."

Shepard frowned. "No, I'm fine. Really."

Dr. Chakwas nodded slowly. "Okay, Shepard. You need someone to talk to someone though, I'm here."

Shepard backed up with a weak smile. "My biotics will be sorted out. Miranda'll know what to do."

Dr. Chakwas held her eye with a flat expression. Shepard turned and took a step.

"Kaidan's headaches get bad."

Shepard paused.

"Spent a lot of time with him. Here. Doing for him what I did for you. Same meds, same advice."

Shepard turned slowly.

"On our ten month return cruise, not much I could do for him then. Supplies were thin, but it wouldn't have mattered. What makes you sick can go deeper than flesh and blood."

Their eyes met. The air balled up in her throat. It felt like breathing water. She'd gotten up too fast or taken the pills too close together maybe.

"If it wasn't for all of this, everything's that's happened, what would you really want, Shepard?"

Shepard froze to her core. Her heart pound in ears as she stared at Dr. Chakwas.

Dr. Chakwas's brow creased. "All right, Shepard?"

Shepard forced a nod and stumbled backward to the door. She spun around, her breathing fast and sharp.

"Come talk to me if you need anything," Dr. Chakwas said.

Shepard bolted through the door. She brushed past some crewmen and saluted back with a snap as she rushed to the elevator. She wrapped her arms around her middle watching the numbers tick down before the doors slid open. She bolted inside and jammed the button for her cabin.

Her face burned as she tumbled through the cabin's sliding doors pressing the back of her hand to her mouth. Her teeth cut into her knuckles as her lips pulled back, and she hunched over. The doors clicked shut behind her. She dropped to the floor. She scooted back against the wall and wrapped her arms around her legs. She buried her face in her knees and focus on breathing. Her ribs constricted forcing each breath to be shallower and faster. Her breathing hitched. Damnit, no - she felt it, the wet stickiness against her face. Damp fabric stuck to her knee, and she lifted her head with a ragged gasp. Damnit, this wasn't happening. She ground an arm across her face and smothered the serration of each breath in an elbow. She sniffed. Her nose was even running, damnit.

 _"_ _What would you want, Shepard, if not for all of this?"_

She shuddered, and her face fell back onto the damp patch on her knees. Her lips drew back, teeth pressing into her knees, mouth-breathing wet drags of air. She squeezed her eyes shut against it, but she could already see it rising up around her - the fireplace dancing the room in flames, skycars passing outside the blinds, the citadel's lights faded into night cycle, and Kaidan. They'd dragged the couch up to the fireplace in Anderson's apartment, the last time she'd been there, the last time she'd ever be there.

 _"_ _What would you want, Shepard, if not for all of this?"_

 _She lay on the couch, head resting on his lap, and looked up with a quirked eyebrow. "All of what?"_

 _"_ _The war, all this death, always on the verge of losing everything."_

 _Shepard gave a slight shrug resting against his legs and looked back at the fire. "I suppose I always thought I'd have what everyone has." A smile lifted the corners of her mouth, and she glanced up at him again. "You know, 'The Life,' the white picket fence. Find someone to come home to who's wearing an apron and pulling meatloaf out of the oven as our 2.5 kids knock over lamps getting to the dinner table."_

 _"_ _An apron and meatloaf? I'm not making meatloaf."_

 _"_ _You, huh?" Shepard smirked up at him._

 _He bit his bottom lip with a frown. Shepard felt a sharp pang as he looked away._

 _"_ _Maybe I shouldn't – I just thought …" he said._

 _"_ _No, it's you." Shepard shot out and grabbed his hand by her shoulder. "I'd want it to be you." She interlaced their fingers, and he looked down at her with a soft look but no smile._

 _"_ _What about you? What would you want if not for all this?"_

 _"_ _Me?" He shifted against the couch. The firelight rippled across his features and caught in his eyes as they drifted to the moving flames. "Just normal things. Things like this."_

 _"_ _So, in other words, you don't know what you'd want."_

 _"_ _What?" He frowned down on her. "Why'd you think that?"_

 _"_ _You're so vague. I at least had a storyline going, even if you protested wearing an apron and baking meatloaf."_

 _A grin tugged at his lips. He sighed and slouched back more on the couch. "Fine. You know what I'd want? I want moments like this, but I'd want them all with you. I'd want a house on the Pacific. I'd want to finish dinner and drink wine on our veranda overlooking the ocean. Then we'd roll up our pant legs and walk in the sand by the surf. Everything would be red from the sunset, and I'd hold your hand. Our feet would be cold and our faces chapped from the wind, and I'd kiss you and tell you I love you like I would every day. I'd tell it to you feeling lucky knowing I'd say it on the next day and the day after that, not just because it's the last thing I want to have said to you."_

 _Shepard's eyes darted away. She swallowed dryly, and her voice was a little raspy until she cleared it. "Pretty tame fantasy there, Kaidan. Just hand holding and kissing, huh?"_

 _"_ _Oh." His smile turned up softly on his lips, and he brushed down pieces of hair by her face with his free hand. "Didn't know you wanted the director's cut."_

 _"_ _I don't want the censored edition."_

 _She forced a smile and tried to pull it wider as he looked down at her. His eyes studied hers with a growing grin. He smoothed the hair from her temple behind her ear and then drew his arm to the back of the couch._

 _"_ _All right." The grin grew wider. "After the credits, if you're still watching and you're over seventeen or with an adult guardian – the sunset fade over the ocean. We tear off all our clothes –"_

 _"_ _I want to tear yours off."_

 _"_ _Okay," he allowed with a smirk down at her and nodded. "You tear my clothes off. Buttons spray everywhere. It sends some seagulls off squawking. Then, we run into the surf. We swim out. I splash you with my biotics, and you dunk me with yours. And, since this is supposed to be real events, you dunk me a little too thoroughly. I stumble out of the water choking and gagging up water. You feel kinda bad and come rushing over kicking water around your legs. I'd have really swallowed water, don't get me wrong, but maybe I was exaggerating a little. You'd come over a little guilty, and I'd catch you."_

 _"_ _Now's the racy part." Shepard grinned. "Please continue."_

 _"_ _But, we're cold. It's the Pacific, the sun's down. We race each back to the house following the footprints we left an hour earlier."_

 _"_ _Teasing your audience." Shepard clicked her tongue. "At least say we didn't put our clothes back on."_

 _"_ _Of course not. We never liked those clothes anyway, and mine are shredded. We leave them to the seagulls."_

 _"_ _Please tell me there's a seagull that shows up later with your underwear around its neck."_

 _"_ _It's your underwear, and the seagull's wearing it."_

 _"_ _Spoilers."_

 _"_ _You asked."_

 _"_ _Okay. Unpause. Naked, running back to the house …"_

 _"_ _Right. We're cold and sticky from the sea salt. We tumble into the shower and turn it up as hot as we can stand until it burns our skin."_

 _"_ _That the only heat being turned up?"_

 _Kaidan chuckled and dropped his hand to her hair again. "Then, we make love."_

 _"_ _Finally. Not nearly graphic enough for all the buildup, but I see you're going more for decorum than gratuitous spectacle."_

 _He rested his arm across the back of the couch and shrugged._

 _"_ _Maybe I'll get into the specific later. Easier if you can visualize them."_

 _"_ _Oh. So, a live action performance?"_

 _"_ _Right, and I'll need a volunteer from the audience."_

 _"_ _I didn't realize there was going to be an audience. This is kinkier than I thought."_

 _"_ _Just you, me, and the seagull wearing your underwear."_

 _"_ _Ooh. You are a deviant." Shepard gazed up at him. "What then? Fade to black as we break out the shampoo and luffa? Too boring for broadcast."_

 _The grin was soft, and he lifted his fingers out from hers and touched the side of her face. His eyes followed his thumb as it ran over her cheekbone, and his smile tightened deeper into his cheeks. His eyes moved to hers._

 _"_ _We'd fall into bed then. Our bed. The one we've slept in too many nights to count. Our skin's warm and pink from the shower, and we'd leave the window open. I'd listen to your breathing as it slowed and deepened smelling the shampoo in your damp hair. The cool ocean air would stir the curtains in the moonlight, and I'd watch the breeze move stray hairs across your forehead. And I'd think, I'm the luckiest man alive."_

 _The lump rose in her throat again, and she turned her face back to the fire. She focused on her breathing, interlocking her hands across her middle, and stared into the flames._

 _"_ _I would have liked that," she said._

Her hand strayed to her pocket with a wet exhale. She paused and ripped her hand away. She flew to her feet, heart pounding, and pressed her lips so tight they hurt. Deep, clenching breaths tightened her jaw, and she finally jammed shaky fingers into her pocket and dug around in the lining. She drew out the button. She squeezed her palm around it and twisted her head looking over the room. Anywhere here, and she'd just find it again.

She punched opened the cabin door and burst onto the elevator landing. She twisted around before her eyes fell to the grate below her feet. Machinery and darkness churned below the metal grid. She fell to her knees and pressed the button to a slot in the grate. Mechanical systems hummed in her ears under the slow whoosh of the ship's FLT. Shepard closed her eyes, taking a deep breath, and opened her fingers. The button twanged, metal hitting metal, and ricocheted into the depths.

Shepard shoved herself up on wobbly arms. She checked her breath, turning to the wall, and pressing her forehead against its cool surface. She glanced at the cabin door to the side. No, she didn't want to go back in there. Not for a while. She'd come back when she was so tired she had to crawl to the door. She punched the elevator button and tugged on her uniform straightening her spine. She had things to get done rather than just wallowing here over memories.


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28

Admiral Wilson's hologram jammed a finger at her. Shepard stood straight despite the heat radiating from her face.

"Commander Shepard! It's been a week. Over a week!" Wilson raged.

"I understand, but—"

"No!" Wilson cut the air with his palm. "I've talked to Alliance Parliament about this. We agree. It's been a week. By itself, an overreaction. Let him go."

Shepard clasped her hands behind her back. She watched her tone.

"Respectfully, Admiral. It's my ship."

"It's the Alliance's ship."

"I'm a Council Spectre and—"

"You're an Alliance soldier!" he snapped. "Lieutenant Commander Anchor is an Alliance soldier. This has nothing to do with the council."

"He acted questionably. A Spectre may detain someone under suspicion."

"Suspicion of what?"

Shepard swallowed and glanced away.

"Exactly." Wilson stabbed a finger at her again. "Let him go. Right now. Bring him here, and I'll talk to him."

"That won't be necessary."

"If he was insubordinate, which you would certainly know all about, he can receive a verbal warning."

"He was warned in the past," Shepard said.

"Any documentation of that conversation?"

"Sure." Shepard shrugged her shoulder. "I'll send you documentation."

Wilson narrowed his eyes. "After you walk over to a terminal and write it up, I suppose?"

Shepard just held his stare.

"Go get him, Commander, or when you dock on Earth again, you'll be the one in the brig for insubordination."

Shepard turned to the doorway. James stood out of sight of the comm, arms folded, and sour-faced.

"Go get him," Shepard said.

James rolled his eyes, uncrossed his arms, and stalked away.

"I want a written report on this matter ASAP, Commander. And I don't mean your post-dated warnings. If he did something justifying arrest for over a week, you better write one hell of a good story. Because what I'm hearing is that you locked up your XO for making a bad command decision that resulted in no injury or material harm and for sassing off to you. I hope you're ready to justify yourself when you step off that ship, Commander. You have three weeks to come up with a better tale than you're telling now."

"Understood, sir," Shepard said simply.

They stood, holographic images facing each other, and waited. Wilson crossed and re-crossed his arms. Shepard just stared forward. She wouldn't look away. Wilson was one of those that caught the whiff of blood and would hunt unceasingly for the kill. He held her eye, jaw clenched, and mouth taut.

Finally, James and Briggs walked in with Anchor ahead of them. James gave him a little shove forward onto the hologram's platform. Shepard didn't move, and Anchor stumbled up against her before turning to salute Wilson.

Anchor's uniform hung disheveled, eyes red and raw looking. Shepard tsked her tongue. It wasn't like he'd been treated like an animal. He had a cot, his own space away from the turiens. Granted, he was detained, but he still had his belonging. He had food brought to him. He had his stupid little datapad he clutched bringing everywhere like a child's teddy bear. He hadn't been mistreated in the slightest.

"Lieutenant Commander Anchor." Wilson returned the salute.

"Admiral Wilson, Sir."

"Is this true? Your CO has complained of insubordination."

He glared at Shepard and turned back with a more pleasant expression. "It was an emotional moment. I apologize and recognize my mistake."

"Well?" Wilson looked at Shepard. "He recognizes the error. I assume, Lieutenant Commander, you'll be vigilant in the future in the ways you interact with your CO?"

"Yes, sir."

"There," Wilson said. "Dismissed, Lieutenant Commander."

Anchor glanced at Shepard with slit eyes and walked slowly off the platform. He stood next to James, who slouched against the doorframe.

"I want the matter put behind us now," Wilson said. "I expect that report, and there will be more about this when you're back."

"I understand, sir."

"And … reinstate him to his duty. You released him from guard, but you need to let him back on duty too."

Shepard grimaced. Damn.

"Continue to foster your relationship with the turiens and the general. You'll be back in no time."

Shepard saluted. Wilson returned it, but his face was hard. He turned away before the connection even broke.

Anchor grinned lopsidedly. It melted as Shepard met his eyes.

"What now?" Briggs asked from behind Anchor.

"Release him," Shepard said, then to Anchor, "You can sleep at your bunk or stay where you've been."

"And?" Anchor prodded.

Shepard squared up with him and stared him in the eye. "You try one more thing, I don't care what, you're out of line by a centimeter, you're back in biotic cuffs sitting in engineering with Briggs for company again. The admiral won't need to know about it until we're pulling up to the dock."

Anchor looked at her levelly with a slight grin. "Aye, aye, Commander. Am I on duty now then?"

"Fine. Yes." She motioned him away. "Go."

"Shouldn't you let the crew know?"

Shepard glared. "Go."

Anchor marched away.

"Well, Lola, looks like troubles on the loose again."

She turned to Briggs. "Watch him. Go where he goes. I don't care if he knows you're following him."

Briggs grinned. "Aye, aye."

He left.

"You doing all right? That admiral …" James made a whistling sound. "Think he owes Anchor's dad money or something?"

Shepard folded her arms. "Maybe he and Anchor are friends in the same club."

"Hope we're talking about the Systems Alliance," James said.

"Me too."

They stood in silence. James clasped Shepard's arm.

"Seriously, Lola, you're all tight. You should do something fun."

"Like?"

"I dunno. You have some nice model ships I'd play you for. Something tells me you'd be a good bluffer."

"If I play you, James, you'd probably wind up captain of the ship or something."

"I think you should start with the model ships, but we can work up to the Normandy."

Shepard shook her head with a smirk and passed by him into the war room. "I think I better find my fun in a less dangerous way."

"Lola, Lola." James steps came up behind her. "Danger is fun. The only fun."

"James, with my ratio of danger to meetings, if there aren't exceptions to that statement, I'm in for trouble."

"Hey. You'll get to be dangerous again. Exploded an oily monster-thing with a grenade? Gotta tide you over for a while."

Shepard stepped into the CIC. Anchor stood expectantly waiting. Briggs milled around the galaxy map terminals watching him.

"An announcement?" Anchor prompted.

James raised an eyebrow and moved to the elevator. "See ya, Lola."

Shepard eyed Anchor. He grinned. The trip back suddenly seemed a lot longer.


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29

"So, Earth's relay is nearly complete?" General Taurin leaned back on the couch in Shepard's room.

"The Arcturus relays are ongoing too. It'll be several months before the relays between Earth and Palavan are restored for the return trip."

"So much has happened. All that time, like primitives, we were just guessing at the outcome. The energy wave came through. Saw the geth ships go offline, drift, no answer. We knew something had happened. Trying to repair our ship from that Cerberus base attack was chaotic. Miracle we made it to a planet and lived."

Shepard put her elbow on the back of the couch and rested her temple against her fist. She stared at the wall. It had been a while since the geth crossed her mind. It was a relief and swell of guilt all at once.

"The geth," Shepard said suddenly. "They were all destroyed by the burst."

"All of them?" Taurin said. "You mean it? All the geth with the Migrant Fleet?"

"Yes. Every last geth."

"If the communication is down in most systems, how can we know?"

Shepard pressed her temple harder against her fist. She could say ships that came to Earth brought word, which was true, but they could have only come from nearby star systems. They couldn't say they knew about the other side of the galaxy. No one could, except for her.

"I activated the crucible. Virtual life was destroyed," Shepard said finally.

Taurin sat quietly holding her eyes. "You were on the crucible? Truly?"

"Yes."

Taurin seemed to be processing it.

"It must be a lot to have seen," he said. "I still … I can't believe it. Were there others on the crucible?"

"Some others, yes. But they died. The Illusive Man …"

"He was there? So, he turned in the end. Joined us against the reapers?"

Shepard paused thinking and then said slowly, "In the end … ultimately."

Shepard could see Anderson's eyes as the Illusive Man shot himself. Yes, in the end, he made the right choice or had wanted to. He'd been indoctrinated, but he'd also been right. What he wanted, what Saren wanted, those things had been possible. But, there were no take backs, only going forward on the decisions you'd already made.

"It must be difficult," Taurin said quietly.

"No, no." Shepard straightened up on the couch and made her voice sound more sure. "It happened. I don't deny …"

She stopped. She was denying it though.

"I …"

Taurin waved it off. "I understand. I can't imagine it. The things you see at war, you either bury or come to terms with it. It can take a while deciding which way lets you forward. For me, I couldn't move forward until the past wasn't holding me back." He cleared his throat. "But, that's me. We, soldiers, go through a lot, Commander."

"Yes," Shepard tried to smile, but for a moment in front of her, she could only see the crucible's ramps splitting three ways. Three choices but only one chance to make one choice.

X

Shepard walked softly up behind Joker. He flinched and glanced back at her.

"Geezz, Commander! Sneaking up on your pilot with brittle bones. Seeing how many you can break with a good scare?"

"Joker." Shepard squatted down.

The quiet hum of engines filled the cockpit. Michael was gone. It was night shift, he was probably sleeping. Joker caught her hunching down and swiveled his seat to face her.

"What's up, Commander?"

"I want to talk to you."

Joker rested his head back against the headrest and looked off.

"Sneaking up on me wasn't satisfying enough?"

"Hey."

Shepard waited until Joker's hooded eyes met hers. He had a pressed smile.

"Fine," he sighed.

"I want to tell you what happened on the crucible."

Joker blinked at her. His eyes narrowed on her, and he pushed up on the armrests to get higher in his chair. His eyes scanned around them.

"What do you mean?"

"On the crucible, the Illusive Man shot himself. Anderson was shot. He died as we watched the citadel open for the crucible."

Joker fidgeted in his chair. "Why are you telling me this?"

"After the crucible connected to the citadel, nothing happened. I was dying. Thought I was dying." Shepard looked down. She saw her hand pulling away from her side covered in blood. She looked back up at Joker. "I was given a choice. I could do nothing. Or I could act, but I had to decide. The catalyst talked to me."

"The catalyst talked?"

"It was an entity itself stretching back before the reapers. Before the cycles."

"Shepard." Joker leaned an elbow on the armrest and rubbed the back of a finger against his lips. "I don't … Why are you telling me this? I've never heard this before."

"Because I've never told it before."

Joker dropped his hand and looked her in the face finally. His mouth tightened.

"Okay," he said.

Shepard held a breath for a moment then continued. "The catalyst let me decide. There were choices. Impossible choices. Things you wouldn't think possible. Some of the choices promised a better future, but maybe a worse one. I don't know. I'll never know. Because I didn't choose those options."

Shepard licked her lips and met Joker's eye. "I chose a different option. To destroy synthetic life – the reapers, the geth … EDI. I saved all organic life at the cost of every synthetic life."

Joker's face watched her fixed and unblinking.

Shepard swallowed. "I knew what would happen. It wasn't a surprise, and I knew it would sweep the galaxy, touch everything. I made the choice for everyone. A choice to obliterate one form of life to save my own."

Joker rubbed his chin with a face flat and unreadable. They held each other's eyes in silence for a time. Shepard stood up. She gave a quick nod, turned, and strode down the gangway.


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 30

Shepard stared down at the starry expanse of the CIC's galaxy map.

"Commander Shepard. XO Anchor is looking for you," Jane said.

"Tell him where I am then."

Jane just nodded. A little over half way back, and the mere mention of his name made her teeth grind. He'd spent the last week resuming his duties with gusto. It was more irritating than if he'd returned with a passive aggression or maybe even overt aggression.

"Commander." Anchor's voice came behind her.

She didn't turn. "What is it?"

"Communication from Langley Station."

Shepard snapped around, "What?"

"Langley Station. You know it? The one we took from the Batarian's. Important way point enforcing slave laws, but you'd know all about that."

Shepard didn't say anything. She'd moved past that long ago if it was meant to upset her. Her past with Mindoir was hardened and hidden under calluses layers deep.

"I know of it." Shepard faced him. "What communication?"

"It must still have survivors, Commander. We've gotten pings."

"This true?" Shepard eyed Jane.

It must have been a sharp look, because Jane took a step back and rushed to say, "I hadn't heard any calls."

"Ask Moreau," Anchor said. "Started a few hours ago."

"You didn't think to tell me?"

"You were off duty. Didn't want to bother you. Langley's days off our course. A few hours wouldn't make a difference."

Shepard lowered her voice. "Next time, come get me for anything like that."

A few privates paused across the CIC map and watched them.

"We abandoned Langley when the war started," Shepard said.

Anchor shrugged. "I'm all for staying on course, Commander."

Shepard folded her arms and studied the floor. If there was a chance anyone was alive though.

"I'll check a few things," she said finally and walked to the war room.

She rounded the war room's table up to the comm. It was flashing again. She pounded a fist on it, and it went off. She entered her Spectre codes requesting Alliance intel on Langley. The Council comm operatives should pass her request on to the Alliance. She shouldn't have to wait too long, at least, she hoped.

X

Shepard hung over the railing in engineering to glimpse the reserve core Adams pointed out.

"No problems then?" Shepard asked.

Adams shook his head. "No. What Tali—the quarians—came up with, it's certainly not as practical as fuel stations or as safe, but it's amazing work. Just a few adjustments, I think we can squeeze some more juice out of her."

"We're set then," Shepard said.

"Lola."

James pushed through some engineers fussing over a terminal by the door. Cortez barreled ahead of him with a stormy expression.

"Something the matter?" she asked.

Cortez stopped in front of her.

Adams looked between them. "I'll be around if you need anything more, Commander."

"Thanks, Adams."

Adams went over to the other engineers. Cortez's face sweated redly as James came up beside.

"What's going on?" She glanced between them.

Cortez glanced around, shifted his body to block her from sight, and he pulled something out of his pocket. He shoved it into her hand. Shepard stared down at coiled cord intertwined Red and blue cables. Copper wires stuck out of the frayed ends.

"This doesn't mean anything to me." She curled her fingers around the coil and looked up at them.

Cortez lowered his voice. "Anchor was messing around with that panel, remember? Found that the second time we went down at the site we'd landed before. Didn't know what it was. Tried to show it to you, but you were busy."

"It's a cord."

"That's all it was to me, too, until one of the turiens saw it in my tool kit. He'd worked infiltration during the contact war. It's an amplifier cord. That panel Anchor was digging around in was the lift pulse drive. This puts the feedback loop into overdrive by connect the drive with the accelerator—"

"Just …" Shepard held up her hand with a sigh. "Just need the punchline."

"It'd blow the shuttle apart," James said.

"Blow it apart?" Shepard's eyebrows shot up.

"Quiet!" Cortez ducked his head and glanced around them.

The engineers still huddled over the same terminal down the way. A couple of turiens had joined them pointing at something in the panel.

"Blow up the shuttle?" Shepard said in a heated whisper. "Where'd it come from?"

"If it was installed, circuited in, it could cause an explosion on the lift through the atmosphere when returning to the ship."

"Not before then?"

"It's the lift drive," Cortez said. "You don't use it much leaving the ship and descending. Ascending though, it'd be full throttle."

"And the shuttle would explode?" Shepard asked.

"That shuttle? Definitely. That things a flamethrower, a combustor. Even a good shuttle though, like the V590 Viper, even it would lose control. A crash from atmosphere level isn't a crash you're walking away from."

"This feedback loop," Shepard said, "it works in any shuttle type?"

"Yeah. Turiens used them a lot on us during the war. Got to where you checked before jumping in the shuttle and quacking the throttle. I've never actually seen one. Illegal, but they're around."

"You told one of the turiens about this?"

"No," Cortez said. "He just saw it. Didn't know why I had it."

Shepard rubbed a temple and frowned.

"A shuttle explosion," Shepard repeated. "Anchor thought I was leading that operation."

James's eyed her grimly. "Probably why he disappeared down there. Had to rip it out. Didn't want to die in a fiery blaze. Wouldn't of minded seeing us streaking the sky like a comet though. Probably you too."

"He'd be CO right now if it worked. Have the shard."

"That prothean thing?" James asked. "He wants that?"

"Terra Firma may. They counted on me getting it. Now I'm just be a barrier."

"He's working alone though, right?" James asked.

"I damn well hope so."

She pinched the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes. If this was true, he wasn't just a theoretical danger. Shepard dropped her hand and looked at them.

"You didn't see him with this cord?" She lifted it in her fist.

Cortez shook his head. Shepard looked at James. He frowned and shook his head as if surprised she'd even ask him.

"This cable couldn't have been at the first landing site because it came from something else?"

Cortez nodded. "It wasn't exposed to the elements, so I'm pretty sure."

"Pretty sure?" Shepard sighed. "You didn't see him tampering with the shuttle some time before we went down? You don't remember a time he could've installed it?"

"No. Lot of time he could have done it though."

Shepard swallowed. "The quantum communicator's been acting up. I've seen him in there."

James's eyebrows rose. "What's that mean?"

"I don't know. He could've gone in my room. I need to get my codes reassigned. James," she turned to him, "change the lock code to the armory. Inventory everything. Change the armory's safe combination. That shard needs secured no matter what. We need something on him more than just suspicion though."

"He's got that datapad he carries around all the time. Probably has messages on it and stuff," James said.

"Good. Let's see if we can get our hands on it. Briggs is following him."

James grunted as if he disagreed.

"Most of the time," Shepard added. "If we can pinch that datapad, let's do it. We have a few more weeks back. We aren't dropping this, but we can't act on it without something more than speculation."

James and Cortez nodded. Shepard moved past them to the elevator. This was making her mind race.


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter 31

Shepard sat at her desk and tapped her datapad on the arm of her chair. She gazed at the fish tank. She'd gotten the files she'd requested from the Alliance. They weren't as thorough as she'd expected. The personnel information was scant, but it had pictures and bio information. She was getting paranoid. She'd had them resend the information an hour later. It had matched up with the first information transfer.

Regardless of the information holes, it confirmed that soldiers had been left on Langley before the final reaper battle. A year and half cut off and still alive, they'd be on ANN. She stood tossing her datapad on the desk. Her mind was made up. They couldn't leave Alliance soldiers to die on some forgotten space station. She crossed through the cabin to the elevator.

Shepard burst out of the elevator into the CIC. A few ensigns looked up in surprise. She'd just left to her cabin an hour ago. They probably didn't expect to see her back so soon. She had to contact the Council about this though. She rushed through the war room and stumbled to a stop. Anchor leaned over the quantum communicator. His head snap to her, and he stepped away.

"The QEC … it, uh, seems to be malfunctioning, Commander."

Shepard tore around the war room table. Anchor turned his back to her as if blocking her view and fumbled with something at the consol. She shoved him aside. The QEC console buttons were black. She punched at them. Nothing happened.

"What the hell are you doing in here, Anchor?"

He looked down at something in his hand. His head snapped up, and his hand slipped behind his back.

"I heard some beeping sounds. Sounded like it was having issues. Came to investigate. I think it's broken, Commander."

"You didn't break it?" Shepard said.

"No, Commander. I just heard it acting up. Came to see."

Shepard put out her palm. "Give me whatever you have in your hand."

Anchor frowned. "Commander …"

"You want stuffed back in engineering under guard? I'll take it from you myself. Give it to me."

Anchor's eyes flamed. He held up a black chip.

"A data chip?" Shepard said and snatched at it.

He held tightly. She had to tear it out of his fingers.

"What're you doing with this?" She asked turning it over in her finger tips.

"Had it in my Omni-Tool. Saw the comm acting up. Thought plugging in a piece of hardware might jump start it."

"Right." Shepard curled her fingers around it and shoved it into her pocket. "That doesn't make any sense."

"Commander, that's my personal data chip. May I have it back?" He put his hand out expectantly.

"No, you may not," she said.

He ground his teeth and straightened his uniform. "This is outrageous."

Shepard waved at the comm. "Too bad the quantum communicator just went down. You don't have anyone to complain to. No one can order me to uncuff you."

Anchor's eyes gaped wide, and he swallowed. "Commander, I am sorry if I—"

"When Briggs gets here, you're going with him," Shepard said.

Damn Briggs. She should have assigned two people to follow Anchor around.

"Commander," Anchor pleaded. "When we get back to Earth, the Alliance will know everything you're doing."

"Worth it." Shepard spun on her heels. "Resist Briggs, and you'll only be making my day."

Anchor's face reddened as she tore through the war room back into the CIC.

"Get Briggs up here right now," Shepard said to Jane.

Shepard pulled the datachip out of her pocket. What the hell had he been doing?

X

James strolled up to the QEC's platform. Shepard and Adams hunched in front of the comm controller.

"You really throw Anchor in the stocks again, Lola?"

"I'd like to do more than that." Shepard muttered standing. She held up Anchor's datachip. "Found this on him. Some code on it I can't read. A safe guard too, fried my terminal when I tried to copy it. He was in here with it. I'm pretty damn sure he did something to the QEC."

"Well," James sighed. "Broke his datapad to pieces."

"Yeah, I heard," Shepard said. "Accidentally tripped and stepped on it when Briggs had him collecting his stuff."

"Adams," James stood over him. "You seen that busted datapad? Think you could piece it back together or anything?"

"Maybe. Got to fix this first."

Adams twisted onto his back and scooted under the comm. He put an empty hand out. Shepard sank down and dug around his tool box. She set an astro-wrench in his palm.

"That's …" Adams stared at it then shrugged with a sigh. "I guess that will work."

"Don't just put out an empty hand then, Adams," Shepard said. "Say what you want."

"I'm working on the quantum portal. Just assumed you'd know."

Shepard rolled her eyes with a sigh.

"It's fine," Adams said. "This works too."

"You want another engineer up here?" James asked.

"They're working overtime as is," Adams said. "Need to get that fuel recycler cranked up. If we're going to make those extra light years and want a comfortable cushion, need to have it at its peak yesterday."

"Yeah … Langley," James said. "Heard about that. Alliance soldiers stranded on the station, huh?"

"We're just swinging by. Ships out of Gagarin aren't going this deep. We're not leaving them."

James shrugged. "Fresh blood at the card tables. Next couple weeks are turning up."

Shepard smirked. "Worth the cold showers, I hope."

"Lola, if you're worried about cold showers, just call me up."

Shepard gave him a flat look. "You're bringing your own towel this time."

Adams hit his head. He looked up from under the console with a tight mouth. His eyes flitted quickly from Shepard to James.

James laughed through a strained smile. "She's joking."

"Am not. Seriously, bring your own towel."

Adams watched Shepard with a blank look until she grinned. He gave one last look between them and slowly lowered his head under the console again.

"Anchor'd be sad he's missing this, Lola. He'd of hung on every word then zipped off. Probably be huddled under the blanket on his bunk right now writing up a 'Dear Wilson' letter."

"James, with the things Anchor's gotten into, I think unearthing a scandal's just a cherry on top at this point."

"Maybe if he'd had his cherry on top to start with, he wouldn't be busting things."

"Right. Well, with that …" Shepard walked to the war room table and turned back to Adams. "I hope that fuel recycler can handle this. We already changed course for Langley. See what you can do with the comm, Adams. I don't like that Anchor didn't want us communicating with the Council. Something off."

"Get the QEC back up, the admiral's gonna want Anchor unclinked." James folded his arms and leaned sideways against the wall across from Adams.

"I'm a little too far away to spank," Shepard said. "I'd rather have a safe trip back and get pointed to the corner after we get there than let Anchor ruin things."

"Think messing with this comm's good enough," James said. "You know for evidence of anything."

"Doubt it. It's been acting up. Could have been him messing with it all along or could just be acting up. I didn't see him do anything to it."

"Well, something did a number to it," Adams said. "This … this is going to take some work, Commander."

"I'm sure that was the point," Shepard said. "I'm going to check on things. Bring some of the other engineers up, Adams. We need the recycler working but this too. I don't like it being down."

She turned on her heels and walked out to the CIC. Damn Anchor.


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter 32

The station grew larger in the cockpit windows as the Normandy maneuvered to a docking port. Richter looked back at Shepard with a grin.

"Looks like it has power, Commander."

"Yes, it does," Shepard said.

The leather squeaked as Joker shifted in his seat. He didn't say anything. He'd hardly said anything to her for a week. It was a kind of a cowardly comfort that Richter was here now.

"Locking in docks now, Commander," Richter said punching buttons on a glowing holoscreen.

"Did they receive our message?" Shepard asked.

"Yes, ma'am. They acknowledged us. Seemed real pleased."

"Pleased?" Shepard chuckled. "Thought they'd be hysterical a good Samaritan finally chanced by."

"Pleased isn't good enough?" Joker muttered.

Shepard sighed, putting her hands on her hips, and walked a few steps to the boarding gate. Dr. Chakwas sorted through her medical bag standing next to Stofsky, Briggs, and Jensen on the gangway. They held their rifles to the chest of their armor. Shepard touched the pistol on her waist belt. She picked her helmet off the floor then set it back down. Helmets always just got in the way when you needed to talk your people. She checked the locks on her armor and straightened herself as the airlock hissed. She led them through the boarding gate.

The station doors swished open cheers. Nearly twenty soldiers crowded around them as they walked into the docking terminal. They backed up to let Shepard through. Their faces, a mix of men and women, grinned above mismatched armor as she passed. She expected to see sunken eyes, bony necks, and sickly posture, but instead they all stood at attention, steady footed, and eager.

"Captain Drew Sable," a deep voice said as one a man from the back stepped forward.

He threw her a meaty handed salute. His neck, thick and knotted like coiled rope, flexed with a curling mouth. He looked down at her a shadowy glint in his eye.

Shepard's brow dimpled. She gave a slow returned salute.

"Commander Shepard of the Normandy."

"Commander Shepard." His voice lifted as he lifted his eyebrows. That look in his eye though suggested he'd recognized her before she'd said it.

"My soldiers and a few station staffers," Sable said indicating the mass pushing in around him.

Dr. Chakwas edged forward, and Shepard glanced back with a nod. Dr. Chakwas walked over to the nearest soldier, put her bag down, and flipped on her Omni-Tool.

"Finally getting a message was a shock," Sable said.

"Your men don't look too bad for being stranded on a station for coming up on two years," Shepard observed.

Sable laughed sharply and rubbed a hand back over his buzzed head.

"Station this size is meant to house hundreds, not twenty. Lots of supplies after the evacuation. Starting to think no one was coming back for us. The war, it's over, right?"

"Yes," Shepard said looking around at their steady, bright eyes. "We won. The reapers are gone. We've been rebuilding."

She was already tired of giving the updates.

"Are there others?" Shepard asked.

The station's docking hall expanded out behind them. Beyond the bright lights of this docking terminal only a few emergency lights flickering down the dark hallways beyond.

"No. This is it. We got your message hours ago. Got together, got our stuff, been waiting."

"Right …" Shepard peered down the dim silent hallways.

Sable glanced over his shoulder at the hallway. He turned back and squaring up to her.

"We're ready when you are, Commander."

The station soldiers dug through their bags, closing them up, and hoisted over their shoulders. An entire life on a station gathered in hours. No one seemed to have anything sentimental or personal in nature - no pictures, datapads, bottle of wine saved for a rescue or the final days. Nothing but bare military necessities that Shepard could see as their bags scrunched close.

One face caught her attention. Freckles cover the man's skin so thickly, the white part seemed like the dots. His tiny, glistening eyes watched. Except for the blue color, they could have been transplanted from a ferret. He seemed so familiar, but she couldn't place him. A fellow soldier maybe. That felt right. Maybe she'd worked with him on assignment once. Even then though, she couldn't quite place him.

"Commander," Sable said.

Shepard broke her stare. "You don't have anything else you need here?"

"No. We're ready. More than ready to get off this station."

"And there's no one else?"

"None."

Shepard put a hand on her ship and shifted to her back foot. "All right. Head aboard. Dr. Chakwas will look each person over first. How long since the others evacuated?"

"Long time," Sable said and motioned his men to line up in front of Dr. Chakwas.

Vague. Shepard pursed her lips and waved Jensen and Stofsky over to her.

"Where are you going?" Sable asked.

"Scout around. There could be salvageable supplies."

"Anything worth saving we have with us."

The dark corridor flickered in the distance. She wasn't really sure what she hoped to fine. They had enough food. They didn't need guns or heat clips. There probably wasn't any information on the system computers that she would need. Still, just the fact he didn't want her searching made her want to tear the place apart. Sable strolled away and chatted with two of his officers. He gave a barking laugh. Maybe she was just trying to see something in every off handed interaction. Shepard glanced around one last time and sighed heavily.

"Look around a little. Briefly," Shepard told Jensen and Stofsky. "We can document the station's status. Eventually, the Alliance will want to reclaim it. Go."

She walked back into the throng of station soldiers. The last few soldiers stopped in front of Dr. Chakwas. She scanned the next one, read the reading, and waved him on. Sable took up the end and patted one of his men on the back with a grin. Probably better to just get underway.

X

Shepard leaned back against the counter in the med bay and touched her earpiece. It was on.

"Get us back underway, Joker," Shepard said. "Stofsky and Jensen came back, right?"

"Yes, Commander."

"Anything I should know?"

There was a pause and muffled voices. Joker's voice came back on the comm.

"Said there's some plushier chairs than the ones we've got in the lounge."

Shepard just shook her head. "Okay, well, tell them to get them document what they saw for the Alliance. The station crew will be able to supplement it. Soon as we get that quantum communicator back up, we can send it through the Council to them."

"Yeah …" Joker said. "Better talk to Adams again about that. Doesn't look good, Commander."

Shepard grimaced. "Okay. Let's shove off."

"Aye, aye."

Shepard lifted away from the counter and strolled over to Dr. Chakwas. She looked up from scan results glowing on her desk terminal.

"Everyone's healthy," she said.

Shepard flopped into the chair opposite her. It was going to be a busy next few hours - taking names, rank, setting up cots. Between the turiens, rescued station soldier, and her own crew, there were going to be bunk rotations again. Joker'd be thrilled. At least if the sleeping space was limited, the food rations were still supple. But, it wouldn't be looked at that way. Not many learned to focus on what they had instead of what they'd lost.

"They're amazingly health," Dr. Chakwas mused.

"Too healthy? You sound surprised."

"They're well fed, strong, must have exercised, taken care of themselves. More than I expected when I heard they'd been abandoned there."

Shepard leaned sideways on the armrest and touched her fingers to her mouth. Perhaps she _should_ have searched the station herself.

"Their uniforms are more worn out than their bodies. Just amazing resilience," Dr. Chakwas said.

"I thought I recognized one of the men."

"Really? You've been to Langley Station before?"

Shepard shook her head. "I know him from somewhere else. I looked him up in the dossier I got from the Alliance. His name isn't ringing any bells or the places he's served. I know him from some Alliance mission, though."

"Well, would have been a while ago. Been well over three years on Langley for most of them."

Shepard tilted her head. "Maybe a further while back then."

Dr. Chakwas pushed her chair back and crossed over to the cabinet over the sink. She stood on her toes and rifled through it.

"Checked on Anchor. Seems pretty out of sorts," Dr. Chakwas said glancing over her shoulder.

"Yeah, well," Shepard crossed her arms and tipped her chair back, "he should be glad I let his ass out of lock up as long as I did. Wish I hadn't. Took out the quantum communicator. If Adams can't fix it …" Shepard sighed. "Maybe some of the station workers are engineers."

"I don't think so. Looked to me like they're all soldiers. You really think Anchor did something to that comm?"

"You remember what James and Cortez showed me?"

"Yes." Dr. Chakwas shook her head. "Seems too fantastic."

"I don't know. Maybe," Shepard allowed.

The cabinet echoed with scraping canisters and clinking glass as Dr. Chakwas rummaged deeper. She pulled down a brown glass bottle.

"Ah ha!" she grinned.

She strolled over to the desk touting it and pulled out a lower drawer. To glasses clinked together in her hand as she set them on the desk.

"Tradition," she said.

"I hope that's not cough syrup. I'm really not that hard up for alcohol."

Dr. Chakwas gave an overacted pout. "Shepard, I only keep the best stuff for you."

"So, it's the grape flavor then. Why didn't you say so?" Shepard grinned sitting up straighter.

"Ah. Whatever." Dr. Chakwas waved at her dismissively.

She poured a shallow amber pool into each glass and handed one to Shepard.

"Cheers." She dropped into her seat and took a sip.

Shepard eyed her glass then took a sip. A smile filled her lips.

"Okay, not bad."

"Well, of course."

"Where'd you get it?"

"The cupboard. Weren't you paying attention?"

Shepard took another sip to cover her grin. "Forgot. Damn head injury acting up."

Dr. Chakwas melted back in her chair holding her glass in both hands. Her eyes traveled around the room.

"A lot of good times here, Shepard."

"I suppose."

"No, it's true," Dr. Chakwas said. "The whole Normandy must feel that way to you."

"In a way, I guess."

"You guess?" Dr. Chakwas sputtered with raised eyebrows. She took a long drink. "It has to. Everything that's happened here. The memories, the adventure, the excitement of it all."

Shepard glanced around at the sterile walls. "It was that. But, now?"

Dr. Chakwas smiled. "What do you mean?"

"Do you remember the question you asked me?

"Which one?"

"You asked what I wanted. The answer is, I want this – the Normandy. It's what I've always wanted - that rush, that excitement, that purpose, that sense of belonging for once in my life, really belonging. And I was safe, physically, but in other ways too. The Normandy was home. But I don't feel that now." Shepard slouched back. "Now everyone has their own way to go. There isn't that purpose leading us on together. Maybe … maybe leading me on."

"You don't think you have purpose?"

"No, I do," Shepard said looking down at her glass. "Only, things are different now. I miss what it was."

Shepard looked up at Dr. Chakwas sharply and laughed.

"Oh, damn! You really did get me in here talking to you."

"I don't know what you mean."

Shepard pointed a finger at her.

"Yes, you do. I'm not falling for that." She looked at the drink in her hand. "You're even trying to loosen me up with booze."

Dr. Chakwas laughed. "Shepard, this is hardly date rape. I thought you might want to relax."

Shepard pinched her face. "No, you're trying to liquor me up."

"Only for your own good though. Drink up. I won't ask anymore deep questions."

Shepard narrowed her eyes and took another sip.

Dr. Chakwas tapped her fingers on her glass and turned to Shepard. "So, what are your hopes and fears in life, Shepard?"

Shepard rolled forward in her seat with a laugh. "Damn. Stop. I already tapped out."

Dr. Chakwas chuckled. "I have stronger stuff here, you know."

"I believe you."

"Most people prefer the 'by mouth' route though." Dr. Chakwas lifted her glass and bottomed it up.

"The alternate route better be a needle," Shepard said.

She followed suit with her own glass and slammed it down on the desk between them. Dr. Chakwas nodded with a stiff lip and slammed hers down next to Shepard's.

"Good talk, Shepard."

"Yeah." Shepard stood. "After you liquored me up for sensitive reflections."

"Oh." Dr. Chakwas waved it off. "We all have our moments of weakness. Good to know you're human after all."

"Only partly." Shepard gave a half grin. " Well, better catch up with a few people then get some sleep."

"Or," Dr. Chakwas countered. "Get some sleep and then catch up with a few people."

Shepard laughed. "Hey, you can't talk me into too much without the hard stuff. See you around."

Shepard walked out of the med bay. The mess hall swarmed. Turiens and human crew members mingled not quite tripping over each other but damn close. The station crew though, they seemed to be keeping to themselves. The few that were here clustered in the corner. Sable and the rest must be sleeping. She didn't see them around.


	33. Chapter 33

Chapter 33

Shepard stepped out the elevator into the cargo bay. She collided into James.

"Whoa. Happy to see you too, Lola," James said grinning crookedly and waggled his eyebrows.

"Where are you going?" Shepard stepped out of his way.

James watched the elevator doors close and turned to her. "Engineering. Esteban's going over some stuff with Adams. Thought I'd join the fun. Stop getting all solitario, right?"

"Didn't know engineering talk qualified as fun in your book."

"There are worse things to talk about. For instance …" He leaned an arm against the wall and glanced over his shoulder. A group of station soldiers huddled in the cargo bay's corner talking. "Those guys … eh."

"Eh, huh?" Shepard smirked. "Won't play card with you?"

"Nope. Get the feeling they'd have excellent poker faces too."

"That right?"

"Oh, yeah. Had some weird chit-chat with 'em."

There were six of them. They face in toward each other in a circle and gestured as they spoke. The one woman in the group kept glancing over her shoulder at them.

"Seems like a tight bunch," Shepard said.

"No joke, Lola. Try to ask anything friendly, you aint getting far. Not forthcoming. And that one? Asked about her role on the station. Still shivering from the freeze out."

"Did you open with the line about the showers?"

"Nah, Lola, feel special. That's only you." He grinned pushing off from the wall. "Either way, they're a weird group."

"Maybe that's what years stranded in space does."

"Don't know about that. Ten months stranded in space, and we couldn't wait to bust off this ride. But them? It's like it melded them together."

"Commander," Brigg's voice said into Shepard's earpiece.

"Yeah, Briggs. What is it?"

"Want to come up here?"

"Why?"

"I just stepped out for a moment, I swear, Commander."

Shepard's face crunched. She glanced at James and hit the elevator button. Damnit. What now?

X

Briggs lurked the engineer's floor portside doorway. Shepard remembered Diana Aller standing in the corner speaking to her floating camera. Now, Anchor slumped against the wall with his hands secured to a piping vent by biotic cuffs. At he was still here then. Shepard shot a frown at Briggs and caught her eye on the figure slouched against the wall by the door.

"What're you doing here?"

Sable's lazy eyes met Shepard's.

"Commander Shepard." He gave her a nod. "Just exploring the ship. Didn't realize you had a prisoner in here."

"Got back from taking a piss. Found him here with Anchor," Briggs said.

Anchor met her eyes with a blank stare and repositioned her wrists on the vent.

"You didn't lock the door?" Shepard asked Briggs.

"It was a piss not a … uh, dumb, you know?"

Shepard's mouth tightened, and she gave him a long stare. Briggs was definitely getting fired on this. He may be their biggest marine, but he was an idiot. She'd bring Stofsky up here instead.

Shepard moved over to Sable. "Did you talk to him? He's obviously in detention."

"Commander Shepard, I apparently caused a problem. I'm sorry about it. I was walking around, came across him. Just curious why someone's chained to the wall. Wouldn't you be?"

"If I was curious, I'd ask the CO, not talk to him myself. Interesting timing. His guard being gone."

"I suppose so …" Sable cocked his head. He folded his meaty arms and staring off as if considering it.

"And you?" Shepard turned to Anchor. "You have a nice chat with Captain Sable?"

Anchor didn't answer. She turned back to Sable.

"Leave." She gave him a pointed stare.

He shrugged and stepped away from the wall. "Sorry about that, Commander. I regret the misunderstanding. I'll restrict myself to public areas." He paused in the doorway. "All good with me doing some physical training in the cargo bay with my guys? We get cabin fever boxed up like this."

"Fine," Shepard said but gave him a sharp look. "Stay to the public areas. You and your men. This was not acceptable."

"Understood, Commander."

He disappeared out the doorway.

"Briggs," Shepard eyed him. "Go get Stofsky. You can find other duties. You should have been watching him. If you needed a break, find someone to relieve you. Even for a piss."

Briggs face drooped under her words, but he nodded. "Yes, Commander."

"Go."

He stalked away. Shepard moved over to Anchor.

"Anchor, I want the truth from you."

He glared up at her but didn't speak.

"Let me tell you what I think," Shepard said. "I think you're working for Terra Firma."

His eyelid twitched. She sank down to the floor and rested on her heels in front of him. He straightened away from the wall and stared her back in the eye.

"You want that shard, and you've concocted some plan to get it. Am I right?"

Anchor frowned. "That's preposterous."

"Why'd you break the quantum communicator? That chip I took off you has some code on it. What's it say? No answer? How about the shuttle? You really thought you could just blow us up?"

His eyes bulged.

"You know this guy?" Shepard motioned at the doorway. "You met Captain Sable before, Anchor?"

"No! I've never met him."

"He connected to Terra Firma?"

"Him? How should I know!"

"What about your little talk?"

Anchor sank back. His head tapped against the wall as his stare sharpened. Shepard folded her hands and stared back at him.

"You know," he said, "I respected what you did. Don't necessarily agree on the decisions you made to get there, but the end results. You charged in, did what thousands of others couldn't. And, I respect that. But you're done. You should have just died up there. It'd be a better death than fading away as a disappointment."

"That supposed to hurt my feelings, Anchor?" Shepard raised an eyebrow.

"I hate you," he said softly. "I can't wait to see you thrown off that pedestal. I hope I'm there when it happens. When you're bleeding out and no one around to help, I'll be in line for my turn to grind your face into the dirt."

Shepard smirked and rose.

"You're not clever enough, Anchor. You haven't covered your tracks. I'll find what you're about. The only line you'll be waiting in is for the firing squad. I'd love being the one at the trigger. You want to talk, make a deal, let me know. Other than that, you can go to hell, you son of bitch."

She stood outside the door and waited for Stofsky. Blood rushed in her veins, and she checked the time on her Omni-Tool. The closer they got to Earth, they closer they got to offloading that bastard.

X

"Joker," Shepard walked up to the cockpit. "How far out are we from getting FTL comm signal?"

"'Hi' to you too, Commander."

"Joker," Shepard sighed.

"Forty-eight hours we might pick up some stuff. Probably be spotty, staticky as hell. Gagarin's still a good way off, Commander. That detour put us off course."

"Plans for the next discharge?"

"Ten hours off. Given the planet's mass, probably be eight to zero charge."

"Good." Shepard turned.

"Hey, Shepard."

Shepard stopped. Joker swung around in his chair.

"What do you need?" she asked.

"Just thought you should know. Marx, one of those space station chaps, yeah … I think he's planning on taking me out or something."

"What?" Shepard spun around. "What the hell does that mean?"

Joker's mouth dropped. "That, uh, hit some button?"

Shepard glanced over her shoulder then stepped in closer. "What do you mean?"

His eyebrows drew together watching her.

"Jeff …"

"Not 'Jeff.' I really did it, huh?" he asked. "Bet you've seen my middle name in a record somewhere. You're just holding in reserve for when I really, really do it."

"I'm serious here."

"I know! You called me 'Jeff.'"

Shepard glared. "Don't say something like that if you don't mean it."

She stood up and waved a hand back at him as she turned.

"I'll talk to you later."

"Wait," Joker said. "I mean, well, I was joking. Kinda. But I'm serious too."

"Okay." Shepard gave a long sigh pivoting back to him.

"Yeah, I mean, that guy, Marx, he's up here all the time since we left Langley. If the geth weren't gone, I'd be seriously wondering if he was one."

Shepard's jaw tightened at the mention of the geth, but she let it go.

"You're worried, because he's up here all the time?" she said.

"Well, yeah. I mean, come on. He brought his food up here to eat."

"You're up here all the time."

"Yeah, but I'm the pilot. It's different. He's, you know, a passenger I guess or whatever."

Shepard folded her arms.

"So, what's he doing? Bother you and Michael. I don't see Marx here now."

"Yeah, think I finally wore him out. Must actually be sleeping or something."

"Sleeping? When do you get off? You've been with him the whole time, and now he's finally gone for his bunk. What's that tell me about you?"

"Not the point, Commander."

"Then get to it."

"Well, he's asking all sorts of weird questions. Pilot type questions."

Shepard shrugged her shoulders. "Maybe he is one. We picked up soldiers that probably worked all sorts of jobs on that station. You spend over a year and a half stuck on a station. You'd be the first person up bothering the pilot until you couldn't stay awake any longer."

Joker tilted his head and put his lips out as if considering. "Maybe. But, I don't know. Something's off."

"What though?"

"I don't know," Joker said. "Just never mind, I guess."

Shepard leaned her shoulder into the wall. She felt the same thing. Something was off. Her mind rolled over the facts, but she couldn't figure out what.

"I feel it too," she said simply.

Joker rubbed his beard. "What do you think it is?"

Shepard shook her head. "I'm not sure, not yet. But I'll find out."

"How?"

"I'll have to think about it. Until then, tell me if Marx comes back. I want to talk to him."

"Aye, aye, Commander." Joker gave a small smile.

Shepard backed up and turned down the gangway to the CIC. Her eyes fell on the war room's doorway, but she looked away. The QEC was still down. Even it wasn't, there wasn't anyone to talk to there. The council, Admiral Wilson, even Admiral Hackett, they couldn't do anything. They wouldn't have any insight to some intangible, irrational "feeling." She needed to do something though.

"Commander, you okay?" Jane asked.

"Uh, yeah. I'm good. Thanks, Jane."

Shepard marched to the elevator. She'd just have to watch them then. She'd watch them herself until she couldn't stand up right if she had to. And when she couldn't stand upright anymore, she'd have James or Jensen or Plastino watch them. They'd be watched day and night cycle until they reached Earth. Then, they'd sort it. They just had to get that far.

Shepard walked into the shuttle bay and took a spot against the wall. A few of her shuttle bay crew glanced back at her from the horseshoe console in front of the elevator. In the distance, the space station soldiers ran laps around the crates.

X

Shepard lingered outside the lounge by the elevator. The station soldiers had laid out their cots in the lounge and shut the door. She'd sat at a mess hall table and chatted idly with Jensen for a while, but it was getting late. She pressed her ear against the lounge door. Quiet. She checked the time on her Omni-Tool that Adams had pieced back together. Two hours since they went in. They must really be sleeping. She swung around the corner of the mess hall. Jensen looked up from her bowl of soup. Shepard leaned in with a low voice.

"Hey. Keep an eye on our friends will you?" Shepard tilted her head toward the lounge. "Have Jane message me in my room if they stir."

"Aye, aye," she nodded.

"If they go separate ways, just stay with Sable. And call me," Shepard emphasized.

She scurried to the elevator. She'd get what rest she could, then she'd be right back down here. She was going to be their shadow until they walked out the airlock into HQ.


	34. Chapter 34

Chapter 34

Sleep wasn't coming. Shepard kicked the bedcovers down to a crumpled heap at the foot of the bed and rolled over again. The empty fish tank bubbled light around the room. It was so hot in here. Her window overhead glittered with stars not veiled by a blue film of FTL. They must be offloading the charge. Black space spread out above glittered with stars and asteroids, planets and solar systems, and everything beyond.

All she wanted to do was sleep. Her breathing slowed as the air inflated her chest and drained out over and over again. Each heartbeat flushed blood through her skin. Each movement of a finger, a toe, the blink of eyelids held so much intricacy and complexity, but simplicity too.

She should have died on the crucible. Should have died the day the Normandy tore apart above Alchera - the madness hurtling over broken terminals and rolling equipment, fire scorching her armor, and heart pulsing in her chest. That was the first time she should have died. If she'd died then, the galaxy would be different. It could be destroyed, or maybe saved by someone else, maybe saved a different way. A different decision.

Maybe Kaidan would have been better off. Not if the galaxy had been destroyed, of course. If she was the only solution, then that was worth it, certainly. But, if she hadn't been the only solution and never come back from the dead, maybe Kaidan would be happier. He could have moved on, found someone else, maybe a civilian. He'd be happier, not hurt. Perhaps the biggest turning point wasn't dying on the Normandy though. There never should have been a relationship at all. He'd be better off. She'd be better off. She was fine with all now, but it was the idea of him not being over it yet and still hurting causing all this turmoil in her.

Her face burned against and the pillow felt damp. She frowned and lifted her fingers to the slippery skin under her eye. She bolted upright and tore off the covers. Her feet caught in the sheets. She stomped them away then stumbled up the stairs to the bathroom. She smacked the sink handle to the side and splashed water into her face. It was so damn hot in here. She needed to lower the damn thermostat. Probably good she didn't have any fish. They'd be boiling. She jammed the down arrow on the thermostat until the number hit its limit.

She flopped in her desk chair. Work was what she needed. She flicked on the terminal, and Stofsky's station report came up. She punched through the pictures, but realized after a few minutes that she couldn't even remember what she'd looked at. She'd back up and tried again. Her eyes drifted to the empty fish tank, and her hand dropped slowly from the screen and rested on desk.

Joker had said they were forty-eight hours from comm range. She checked her Omni-Tool. That was ten hours ago. Soon they'd jump back to FLT. She slumped back in her chair and stared up at the ceiling. She wanted to do it. Enough time had passed to be a proper buffer period. If she talked to him, it would just be friendly. It'd be business even.

She frowned and glanced down at the computer terminal. He might not appreciate her bothering him though. Her fingers drummed on the chair's armrest. No, he might not appreciate it at all actually. Hard to move on if you're being pestered by the one you're trying to move on from. It would probably just upset things and set him back.

This whole damn situation with Anchor though. The station crew, the shard, it wasn't coming together. Wavy light from the fish tank danced across the hulls of her model ships. The Normandy hummed with that ever-present vibration in the air she couldn't hear without thinking about it. If she could go over everything, hash it out, get pushed into seeing what was probably right in front of her, maybe she could make sense of it. It rather sentimental though thinking it had to be him to do it. If she allowed it, she could get help from anyone. Damnit though, she wanted to talk to him. She was just going to do it. She drew a deep breath and made the resolution. Now she just had to wait a few more hours until they were in range.

Her eyes drifted around the room and strayed to the image on her terminal's screen. Her spine shot straight with a heart flutter, and she squinted at the screen. Her fingers magnified the image. It was Langley's central control room. The walls had bullet holes. She scrambled to her feet tipping the chair over. That ferret eyed man, she remembered him now. She hadn't worked with him in the Alliance. She worked with him in Cerberus. Shepard tumbled down the stairs, raced to her closet, and threw it open. If he was Cerberus then, he was probably Terra Firma now. If she could—

A boom echoed through her walls. Shepard paused swaying with one leg in her pants. Another boom echoed. She fumbled into her pants and ripped a shirt out of the closet scattering hangers across the floor. More echoing booms. Shepard's heart raced.

She secured the shirt's middle button as she raced to the cabin door. The elevator door outside her cabin whined as they slid open. Someone must be coming to get her. She reached to the green button. Heavy metal footsteps reverberated over the ringing booms. No one would be wearing armor already unless …

Shepard lurched to her desk, fumbling behind the terminal and scattering datapads and pens, until her fingers gripped the butt of her pistol. The booms punctuated a muffled roar of what sounded like yelling and running in the distance below. It was gunfire. It had to be. She leveled her pistol at the door and planted her feet apart. No one was coming in. The armored visitor was waiting for her then.

The muffled booms set her teeth almost to shattering. She couldn't just wait here. She darted to the door. If someone was waiting, she'd need to do something unexpected. The cabin doors slid apart, and Shepard rolled out into the landing. Metal feet move and a gunshot burst in her ears hitting the floor in the doorway. She rolled up on her knees leveling her gun. Two armed figures on either side of the door turned their pistols. She pulled her trigger twice as she stood. This close of range, it broke one of men's shield, and he fell. Something sharp and metallic caught the light in his hand. The second man's pistol fired, and Shepard dodged. Surprising how lithe and agile she could be in combat without armor. Another shot tore into the metal by her foot. She fired again and again still dodging until the armored man slumped back against the wall. A red stain smeared down the wall as he dropped. The first man lay unmoving. Blood pooling on his back as metal syringe rolled from his hand. She fumbled after it with a pinched frown, but it slipped through the grate. It clacked metal-against-metal ricocheting down into the darkness.

A red drop splashed by her hand on the grate. Her temple burned, and she lifted a hand to her hairline. Hot liquid slicked her fingertips. Shot in the head. She reeled. Her fingertips brushed the ripped flesh with a sharp flinched. No, just grazed. Shepard steadied herself rising to her feet and sent over to the bodies. Two of the station soldiers they'd picked up. She recognized their armor. They were dead or nearly. She picked up the first one's pistol and then the next. She turned them over in her hand. Must be their own pistols they'd brought on board. Should have cataloged them into the armory like the rifles. She took out the clips and tossed the pistols aside.


	35. Chapter 35

Chapter 35

Shepard slammed a fist on the elevator button. The middle button blinked red. She jammed it again. It was still red. The gunfire below stopped. Shepard punched the button over and over. She spun back to her room. The door stood wide open, one of the men's arms preventing it from sliding closed. Shepard found her Omni-Tool, snapped it on, and dashed back to the elevator.

Her fingers quivered as she punched up the screen then tore off a control panel next to the elevator. Now, she did need Kaidan. Kaidan or Tali or someone that would know what they were doing. Someone mechanical. Damn! How to - Booms echoed up the elevator shaft again. They sounded closer now. Sounded like assault rifles not just individual shots.

She scrolled furiously with blood dripping off her fingers. She cursed. She wasn't getting anywhere. She flicked it off. Trying not to concentrate on the echo's, she twisted apart wires in the panel. She tried the red one, then the green. She cut the yellow one darting a look up at the elevator. She was so bad at this. Hell. Wait! She twisted the red to the yellow, the elevator doors slid apart.

Shepard sprang up and looked down an empty shaft. The elevator wasn't coming. She glanced back at the control panel, but there was no time. She flicked Omni-Tool light on and stared below. Finally, some luck. The elevator car was at the CIC, just one floor down. It meant the station soldiers were probably on the bridge though.

She lowered herself down into the shaft and dangled from the edge of the doorway. Her light illuminated the metallic roof of the elevator catching falling blood drops in beam. She let go. She dropped stumbling across the top of the elevator. She careening into the wall catching herself. She hugged her side and drew in a sharp breath. The shooting echoed in her ears. She lunged for the metal hatch. She pulled it open with blood slick hands. The gunshots exploded in volume echoing through her skull and into her bone marrow. Flashes in the elevator care meant the doors must be open. She dropped down inside.

She hit the floor in a crouch. Three armored station soldiers, one a woman, fired on her right into the CIC sending sparks flying from the consoles. The galaxy map flickered in the center. Three Alliance uniforms huddled under the terminals opposite the station soldiers. One of the officers peeked over the consoles and returned fire with her a rifle she must have taken from a dead station soldier. Bodies, mostly in Alliance uniform, bleed across the CIC.

Gunshots burst in her ears. Shrapnel sprayed from the elevator as Shepard darted to Alliance officers. The two ensigns swung their weapons at her. Their eyes widened, and they inching back to make room for her. The third Alliance officer slouched against the console bleed with twitching eyelids. A station attacker rounded on them by the elevator. The ensign with the assault rifle rose up and fired. Shepard pulled her hard to the floor as the attacker fired. Shepard slid forward smashing a foot into his leg. He stumbled forward aiming at her, and she fired point blank into his chest again and again. He fell backward, and Shepard scrambled back to the women. The ducked under the gunfire. Shepard shoved them back off the grated floor panel. She grunted prying it up and sliding it aside. She waved down to the hollow below.

"Down. Don't forget him." Shepard tipped her head at the wounded officer.

Gunshots burst behind Shepard. The ensigns scrambled to get down in the floor. Shepard swung around keeping low and darting looks between the console supports. A station soldier crept around the consoles from the elevator side again. Shepard brought her pistol up and fired. She rolled aside as he fired. A shot took him in the knee. He stumbled, kinetic shield zinging, and armor cracked but unharmed. His flickering shield absorbed another shot. Shepard kept moving close to the ground getting in closer. Her third shot drove him tripping backward. His shield broke. Shepard stood and shot him in the head. His helmet cracked, and his head clipped the wall as he fell to the floor.

Shepard swung around as the other shots stopped. The other two station soldiers streaked toward the cockpit gangway. Shepard shot around the other side of the console to meet them at the gangway entrance. She changed out heat clips feet flying. A silhouette in the cockpit windows moved at the end of the gangway. Joker on crutches. He had no gun, of course. Hands cupped around his mouth as he yelled shuffling backward into the cockpit. Whatever he was saying, they seemed on bent on getting to him. Shepard converged with the two attackers at the gangway entrance. She ducked a shot and slammed a shoulder into the back soldier throwing him to the floor. The other, a woman, didn't pause and pounded down the gangway at Joker.

"Get down! Get down!" Shepard yelled at Joker.

She raised her gun firing stepping away from the fallen soldier rolling to get up on his feet. Shepard snapped the trigger fast in a clustered. The woman neared the cockpit as Shepard closed in. The woman's shield broke. She lurched forward as a shot took her in the back, and Shepard slammed into her. The woman smacked her helmet face down into the floor with Shepard on top. Shepard pressed her pistol to the back of the helmet and fired. Even if her shield wasn't down, that was a kill shot. Joker crouched by the pilot's seat and peeked out. He didn't look hit.

Pain burst through Shepard's right shoulder with the sound of a gunshot. Her pistol clattered to the gangway from shocked fingers. Armored feet charged down the gangway as Shepard twisted pulling the crew women's armored body on top of herself. The soldier Shepard had shoulder to the ground rushed down the gangway with his pistol flashing. Armor fragments sprayed in Shepard's face as her left hand strained for the dropped pistol.

"Hey!" Joker yelled.

It was enough. The gunman glanced up at Joker. Shepard lunged over and tightened her fingers around the pistol. Her shot missed. The station soldier ducked as a light overhead burst in a shower of sparks. Her left handed aim was all over the place. A shot burst by Shepard's head, and she twisted around the woman's armored body still holding it as a shield. The attacker slowed his pace pounding shots into the woman's armor. The armor split and blood started to spray with each shot.

Shepard fired again and again and again, breath hissing fast and hot through clenched teeth. Her shots stuck the walls and the floor. The attacker ducking as he returned fire even though her bullets were missing by a long mile. A bullet shot through the woman's armor. Shepard writhed screaming against her teeth before trying to steady her gun again. Shepard fired. The shot hit the ventilation duct over the attacker's head. It erupted with screaming gas, and the man reeled back. Shepard steadied her gun. The gunman caught his balance. He lifted his rifle as she clenched her breath. He sited down the barrel. Shepard pulled the trigger. The man's gun flashed as he toppled backward. The shot hit above Shepard's head in the cockpit. Shepard squinted down the site of her barrel. The attacker sat up from the gangway floor and scrambling to his knees. Shepard pulled the trigger again. His shield burst. The next shot, and he fell to the floor with misty red plume behind him.

Shepard panted lowering her shaky hand. The pistol dropped from her slippery red grip rattling on the floor. She folded the woman's blood torn body off of herself. Pieces of armor clattered to the floor like jigsaw confetti. She sat up. A shot had penetrated through the station woman's' armor. Shepard hissed touching where it had clipped her hip. It wasn't deep. It wasn't as painful as the shoulder. Shepard prodded at her right shoulder. Jolts of pain shot down her right arm flexing her fingers out. It was a clean exit-entry. It hadn't hit the joint. It was bleeding though. Bleeding bad.

"Shepard!" Joker hobbled over in a rush and fell down gangway beside her. "Damn. You're bleeding. No medigel?"

"No," Shepard hissed.

He reached for her shoulder, but she shoved him off with her left hand. She grunted stumbling to her feet. Metal feet pounded through the CIC. Shepard's breath froze. Her hand empty. Another attacker flew around the corner. He must have been in the war room. He stopped and aimed his pistol. A shot threw him stumbling back. Shepard flinched, her ears ringing as Joker's arm wavered pointing around her legs. Two more shots flashed. The first was way off, but the second hit the man's shield.

"Gun." Shepard put her hand down.

Joker jammed a shaky pistol into her left hand. She threw out the clip, popping in the one from her pocket, ducked a bullet, aimed, and fired until the clip ran out. Her left-handed shots were only slightly better than Joker was with both. The man fell down. She rushed over gun still clenched in her hand, wet with blood and sweat, and fired against his helmet. She checked the other two bodies.

"Why'd they target you?" Shepard demanded.

"Told 'em I was sending a message out." Joker stood up.

"We're not close enough."

"They didn't want to chance my bluff, I guess."

Shepard shivered. She had to think. Booms echoed from lower decks.

"Stay here." Shepard walked down the gangway and kicked one of the pistols on the floor to Joker.

Joker stooped for the pistol. "I don't know how-"

"Take it!" Shepard snapped. "You did just fine a minute ago. Hide under the grated panels in the CIC. Some others down there."

"What about—"

"Do it!" Shepard boomed at him.

Joker swayed on his crutches with empty glassed eyes.

"Joker! Do it!"

He blinked. "Yeah. Okay, Commander."

Shepard stepped over the bodies around the CIC's consoles. One dead attacker killed before she showed up. Two Alliance officers lay face down in red puddles. She had this one, the two sneaking around the CIC, three rushing her on the gangway, and two upstairs by her cabin. Eight dead then, little under half. She punched the elevator button but nothing happened.

Metal creaked and hushed voices rose to Shepard's left. Her head whipped toward the war room. She pulled her hand away from her shoulder and held the pistol out. She slipped on the ball of her feet along the wall and up to the doorway. She burst around the corner. A shot fired at her. She ducked. It was poor aim. Shepard raised her head, and her pistol lowered. Three Alliance crewmen blinked at her holding bloody wounds. One was only halfway up the ladder in the corner. A corporal fell against the wall on shaky legs and held his side. He dropped the pistol.

"Out to the CIC. Hide under the panels. Move!"

They rushed past her. Shepard strode across the room with pain shooting from her hip. Blood plastered the pants' fabric to her leg. Her steps faltered as she rounded the corner into the QEC room. The quantum communicator - whatever issue it had before was a scratch compared to this. It was wasted, completely shot apart. It was an intentional target clearly. She sighed rubbing her forehead with the back of her left hand. The last attacker she hadn't counted on, this must have been his handiwork. Her left hand dropped to her side still clenching her pistol.

She didn't have time to try the elevator's control panel again. They'd obviously overrode it. Her eyes fell on the ladder beyond the war room. It rose out of the floor near the boardroom's table. It wasn't a direct route, and she hadn't crawled through the ship much, but it would work.


	36. Chapter 36

Chapter 36

The missing panel in the fiberglass ceiling of the med bay blurred in Shepard's vision as she tried to catch her breath. Her right arm couldn't take the strain of lowering herself gently. She should have known that. No medigel, no biotics, she wasn't used to this.

She rolled over with a groan and grabbed her gun. She groped at the metal exam table and pulled herself up on unsteady legs. The med bay stood empty. Something caught the corner of her eye. She ducked. An armed man stood beyond the bullet-shattered med bay window. He pointed a rifle down the corridor at the weapon system's core. He fired a shot and yelled something. There didn't appear to be anyone else. The others must have rushed off somewhere, maybe to the bridge.

She slunk over to shattered glass window. She slammed the butt of her pistol into a section of jagged glass, and hunched down. She pressed her back the wall turned her face up waiting. The firing cut off. Footsteps neared, and she tensed, muscles coiling. A shadow fell across the floor. She sprang up. The station soldier's eyes widened through the helmet's visor. His rifle lifted as she thrust her pistol over the broken glass. She fired point blank into his helmet. His shield snapped out, helmet cracking as he stumbled back. The second shot dropped him. Shepard drew her arm carefully back through the window. Blood dripped down her fingertips from a long cut put to her elbow. Getting so shaky and left handed, point blank needed to be her tactic.

No one else came running to the gunshots, and Shepard backed away from the window turning to the cupboard. She threw open doors peering onto each shelf. Her breath came out slowly with a smile. She scooped down all the medigel she could find. Prefilled autoinjectors, perfect, but there were so few. She tore a cap off with her mouth and stabbed it into her arm. Numbness burned up her arm, and she clenched her breath as an icy tautness strained across her skin. Blood slowed into an oozed and a translucent skin formed over the pulpy red hole in her shoulder. An icy ache replaced the sharp throbbing. Her hip and her head barely hurt. She could breathe again. She flexed her right hand and with only a slight cringe.

She scooped up the rest of the medigel. Shepard rushed out the bed bay doors and tripped to her knees. She clutched the medigel injectors tighter and stumbled back to her feet. She glanced down and her spine stiffened. Dr. Chakwas's eyes stared wide open and unseeing. A pistol lay next to her open hand. Shepard stumbled back heart pounding in her throat. She couldn't think about this now. Crumpled forms lay throughout the mess hall. Shots rang mutely from both above or below. She needed to focus on the living.

The weapon's core door stood closed and marked with gunshot holes. Good, they just needed to stay there. She turned and rushed around the corner to the elevator. Her eyes caught open doorway to the crew bunks. A pair of turien legs lay halfway in the hall. Dread twisted her stomach as it drew her forward. Among the bunks, dead humans and turiens lay over each other on a bullet-holed floor awash in red and blue blood. Shepard reeled back sick.

"Shepard."

She snapped her head around to the lounge at the other end of the hall. Granger slumped on the floor against the door to the lounge holding his side. Shepard ran sliding down by his side. She tore the medigel's cap off with her teeth, spitting it away, and stabbed the needle into Granger's side. He squeezed his eyes shut with a hiss.

"Is anyone else alive?" Shepard asked.

"Think so, but hurt. Hurt bad. Sounded like some in the observation deck. Some in the mess hall hid in the weapon's core, I think. No one was armed. Most of us were sleeping. We didn't expect—"

"Later. Here."

Shepard dumped the medigel injectors into Granger's lap and stood.

"Can you walk?" she asked.

Granger's face relaxed. The medigel must be working.

"I think so," he said.

"Okay. Go around. Help the others—"

Shepard cut off. The elevator rumbled to a stop at their floor.

"Stay still," she whispered.

She dashed over and pressed her back against the wall next to the elevator. The doors slid open. A voice spoke as if into a comm.

"On the crew deck now. Starting—"

Shepard swung around the corner and fired three shots. It wasn't great aim, but two hit. The station soldier clutched his arm as his rifle rattled on the elevator floor. He stared up wide eyed through the Plexiglass of his helmet.

He yelled into his comm. "It's Shep—"

Shepard pulled the trigger again and again. He slammed into the back of the elevator, holes gushing blood from his helmet, and slid to the floor. Shepard caught the doors from closing. Granger swayed standing against the wall.

"You're getting company. Find everyone you can. Barricade yourselves in the observation deck."

"Aye, aye," Granger said.

A huge window hopefully meant less chance of unrestrained gunfire or grenades. The glass was nearly as resistant as the ship's hull, but they probably didn't know that. She hoped they didn't have grenades, but they'd gotten rifles, they were in the armory.

Shepard stepped into the elevator. They definitely commandeered the elevator, but now she'd gotten on fair and square. She hesitated over the floor button. The low booms of gunfire too close to be the shuttle bay. She pushed for engineering. Her foot nudged against the attacker's rifle. Her pistol's storage compacting function wasn't working, so she jammed it into the back of her waist band and picked up the rifle. The elevator stopped.


	37. Chapter 37

Chapter 37

The doors slid open to darkness. Elevator light spilled out illuminating the hallway. Shepard darted out the elevator. One thing about fighting in the dark, you didn't want to be the one standing in the spotlight. The starboard side of the hallway flashed with booms. Two shots struck by her feet. The elevator light narrowed as Shepard dodged the opposite direction. As it cut the hall off into darkness, she swung around the corner to engineering.

With the light gone, a bright veil blinded her in the darkness. She reached in front of her and touched the closed door to engineering. She wasn't getting that open with the power out. Shots burst in the elevator hallway, and an Omni-Tool light flared on. Shepard hunched low by the corner and watched the hallway floor as the light widened with approaching footsteps. Bullets spraying into the wall opposite her as she saw his legs. Shepard smashed into the light bearer's legs and tumbled him backward. She fired her rifle into him, and he staggered back before falling. Shepard stood and kicked off his light. The hall plunged back into darkness. Another rule about fighting in the dark, while you didn't want to be the one in the spotlight, you also didn't want to be the one carrying the spotlight.

Gunfire echoed somewhere on the starboard side toward engineering. She crept along the elevator hallway toward the shots. She raised her rifle blindly. Flashes of gunfire reflected on the hallway's windows overlooking the dark cargo bay. In the strobes of gunfire reflected in the window, Shepard could make out four men kneeling with rifles at the entrance to engineering. The door had been forced open. Return gunfire flashed deep inside engineering. Return fire. One of the attackers glanced back as if wondering about their fifth man. He turned back to fire into engineering.

Shepard sprang out around the corner facing them. The hallway lit up in riflefire as they struggled to get turn around. They fired at her, and she ducked back around corner as chips of metal flooring burst around her feet. Bullets tore apart the corner of the wall as she pressed against the wall readying her rifle again.

The hallway to engineering roared into life. Gunfire exploded in a well of flickering light full of yelling and slapping footsteps. Shepard darting a look around the corner but shots hit near her face. She pulled back and waited a second before trying again. She spun out leveling her rifle, but the engineering hallway had fallen dark. Low voices murmured.

"Adams?" Shepard whispered.

A hush fell over the voices.

"Shepard?" It wasn't Adams.

"James?"

The world burst to monochrome white as a light hit her face. She growled and shielded her eyes. Footsteps rushed down engineering hallway from engineering.

"You're blinding me, Vega!"

The light lowered as footsteps slowed in front of her. Someone grabbed her right arm.

"Ahh! Damnit!" She shoved the hand away with sharp breath.

"Whoa. Hey," James's voice said.

The white spots melted away from her vision. Faces circled around her.

"Vega, Cortez, Stofsky, Diaz, Tobin," Shepard said looking at each one.

Only five of them.

"What happened? You get hit, Commander?" James peered at her bloody shoulder.

"Yeah, I got hit," Shepard snapped. "How else you think I got a bullet hole in the shoulder?"

"Must hurt, huh?"

"Are you serious?" Shepard twisted to look at him.

"Just, didn't know you were hurt or nothing. You know, when I grabbed you."

Shepard let out a long breath and looked around at the face. "Okay. What's going on?"

Cortez and the others looked to James.

James answered. "Those Langley guys rushed us. Heard gunfire down in the cargo bay, then they came rushing out the elevator. Shot Adams. Some of the others too."

"Damnit." Shepard dropped her head.

"Hey, hey, hey." James stepped in closer. "They're all right though. I mean, Greg … he's pretty bad, but they're all alive."

Shepard snapped her head up. "Where are they?"

She should have kept some of the medigel. She hadn't been thinking.

"Back there." James motioned to the engineering room. "We were pinned down. Only had three pistols. You distracted them, and I thought we better take the shot."

"And the lights?" Shepard asked.

"Cut 'em," Diaz said. "Right away. Shuttle bay too. It disoriented them. There's a lot more just these ones we took out."

Cortez moved down to the corner and flashed his Omni-Tool light down the elevator hallway.

"There were more here," James agreed. "Left for some reason."

"I'm betting to the bridge." Shepard remembered the station soldier she'd killed in the elevator. He'd been on his comm. "They might be on the crew deck now."

"Searching for you?"

"Trying to lock down the ship," Shepard said. "They could've blown Joker to hell in the cockpit. I think they didn't want to hit the controls."

Cortez wandered back to them. "Then you're probably right, James. That's why we kept to the engine room."

"Figured a better chance of them not throwing in a grenade," James said.

Shepard nodded. "They didn't throw grenades then?"

"Either they don't have any, or they're being careful," James answered.

"I think taking out the crew is only step one in some bigger scheme." She hefted the rifle onto her left shoulder. "We need to keep moving. Are the injured out of the way? They'll be back."

James tossed Diaz the rifle he'd lifted off one of the attackers. He tipped his head toward engineering. Diaz nodded backing up, turned his Omni-Tool light on, and jogged to the engine room.

Shepard watched him go then turned back. "We'll retake the bridge. They've probably reclaim it. Got some of our people hiding under the floor."

James rounded the corner into the elevator hallway. Shepard backed up to watch him stand over the man she'd killed earlier. James hoisted up the man's rifle and turned to her. Shepard's eyes shifted to the closed door behind him.

"James, check Anchor. Cortez, Stofsky help him wrench that door open." Shepard turned to Engineer Tobin. "Anything you can do about shutting down the elevator? We need to slow them down."

Cortez and Stofsky rushed down the hall to help James force the unpowered door open. Tobin bent by the elevator and ripped off the cover to the control panel. Shepard flexed the fingers on her right hand with a cringing at the numb, fat, clumsy feeling. Diaz's footsteps pounded back from engineering.

"They're tucked away, Commander. Left them the rifle."

"Good."

"How're we getting to the bridge if the elevator out?" James grunted as he wrenched at the doors as they squealed apart.

"We'll—"

The elevator hummed.

"Commander." Diaz's eyes widened and he backed up.

Shepard grabbed Tobin's shoulder and shoved him toward James. Cortez and Stofsky had the doors halfway when James let go. He pulled the rifle off his back.

"That's good enough. Everyone in. You too, Vega," Shepard said.

Cortez and Stofsky squeezed through the crack in the doors. James followed. Tobin and Diaz scrambled to the door. Shepard put her back to them and backed up leveling her rifle at the elevator doors. Her team only had two rifles with half clips, a few pistols, no armor. They weren't winning this. The elevator doors whined open. Shepard fired as she slipped back through the crack in the door after Tobin. Light flooded the hall, and Shepard ducked back as bullets sprayed through the gap in the doorway.

"Anchor's gone," James said.

"Stofsky, open that hatch against the wall," Shepard shouted. "Then everyone down that ladder into the cargo bay. Go!"

Bullets tore apart the back wall. Shepard didn't even look around the corner as she angled her rifle through the door crack and returned fire. The hallway flashed with sparks and return gunfire. There only had to be six or seven of them left if she'd been counting right. James was beside her with his rifle and fired through the doorway just above her.

"James, get to the armory," Shepard said. "They've broken into it obviously. We'll take what's left. We need armor."

James fell back and followed Cortez down the ladder into the cargo bay. Shepard's rifle clicked. She scrambled up behind James as he lowered himself. She shoved him down the hatch slinging the rifle over her back. Footsteps rushed down the hall toward them. Someone shouted and something skidded through the doorway. It rolled across the metal floor.

"Down! Down!" Shepard stuffed James down with her feet.

She ducked below the hatch. The room exploded. Something tore into her scalp. Her right hand fumbled on the railing and her foot slipped. She barely caught the rung below kicking James in the head. He dropped himself down the railing and landed on his feet. A light shined from the windows in engineering that overlooked the cargo back. The light surrounded her as she slipped down the ladder. They were probably cursing. The light weakened as it followed her to cargo bay floor. She dropped staggering against a crate. The light turned away and shifted to where the elevator would be.

James was already halfway to the armory. The door hung open with a thin light illuminating inside. Shepard racing up behind James. A hot oozing sensation ran down the back of her neck.

"Take cover," she yelled waving at the horseshoed bank of consoles in front of the elevator. "Watch the ladder too."

They reached the armory doors. Shepard touched James's arm.

"If they take the ship, we need the distress beacon out there. I'll—"

The light in the armory moved, and Shepard's eyes grew wide. Anchor was armored as he stepped out of the armory. Shepard tore the rifle off her back. The clip was exhausted, but he didn't know that. Anchor had something in his hand. Shepard shoved James aside and pointed the rifle at Anchor's chest.

"Give me that shard," she said.

"Commander …"

"Give it to me, or we'll blow you away, Anchor."

James aimed his rifle at Anchor. Anchor's eyes widened through the plexiglass shield darted between them and to the men behind. The elevator hummed. Shepard stepped in closer raising the rifle to his face.

"Here!" he said.

He held out his hand as his eyes moved to the elevator doors. She lowered the rifle and touched the shard still gripped tight in his hand. James stepped in closer with his rifle. Anchor opened his hand then raising his palms up.

"I'm on your side," he said. "Just protecting it."

"You're lying." Shepard gripped the shard in her fist. "James, go."

James shoved around Anchor into the armory. Cortez followed on his heels.

"Your armor's in there," Anchor said to Shepard and nodded at the armory. "We all—"

The elevator doors opened gunshots exploded. Stofsky and Tobin stood up from the bank of terminals rapid firing their pistols. James ducked from the armory and slid clips spinning across the floor to their feet. Cortez threw out a rifle. The darkness flashed with gunfire. The floor exploded with bullet fire at Shepard's feet as men piled out the elevator. Anchor darted away. Shepard cursed taking a step after him. A grenade sailed in front of her, and she reeled back.

"Cover!" she yelled.

She slipped around a crate as it exploded rocking the ground beneath her. She shoved the shard in her pocket. She needed to get to the distress beacon. If could drift close enough to Gagarin to alert a ship, maybe the station itself. The Alliance needed to know if the ship was rogue. She squinted at the passageway in the corner of the bay near the shuttle. It was opposite the armory. The air strobe with gunfire and James threw a return grenade. Shepard bolted to the open passage.


	38. Chapter 38

Chapter 38

She scrambled around the shuttle and dove down the passageway off the cargo bay. Her Omni-Tool lit up the long narrow passage. Escape pods lined the outer wall opposite a long wall of dark buttons and silent circuitry. Shepard dropped her rifle and flew down the corridor up to the distress beacon's release terminal. The power was out, but she should be able to draw from the emergency generator reserve. She pulled up the generator's interface screen on her Omni-Tool. She'd learned the interface in training. She only needed to—

She rammed forward into the terminal. Pain exploded in her head with a gasp. Shot? No, still alive. She lifted her off her feet as something spun her around and slammed against the bulkhead. A helmet pressed into her face as armored hands constricted her neck. Shepard sucked at the air as the fingers buried deeper into her throat. She gripped his arm and tried to raise an elbow, break it like she'd been taught. He lifted her again and slammed her into the bulkhead. Her vision burst with bright spots swimming in pain. Her hands fumbled and started to slip as the world shifted and blurred away. He drew her away from the wall and threw her back against the bulkhead. He backed away and pulled out a pistol. Shepard slipped down the wall clutching at a seam in the bulkhead to keep upright. She doubled over retching as she sucked in air. Her attacker reached up to his helmet. It clicked, and he pulled it off. Anchor grinned. His helmet clapped on the floor as he moved both hands around the pistol. He leveled it at her chest.

"The Great Commander Shepard."

An explosion rocked the ship, and Shepard tumbled to the floor. Anchor stumbled a step as a wave of heat scorched over them. The entrance to the cargo bay rolled with flames. Shepard coughed in the gathering smoke. Anchor pressed the pistol to her forehead.

"Where is it?" he yelled. "You have it on you?"

"Your friends hit the fuel recoupler," Shepard croaked. She wheezed as she pulled up against the wall to stand on shaky feet.

"Surrender now," he said. "You can live. I agreed to that much. But damn, I hope you say 'no.'"

Shepard's chest heaved as the flames brightened the side of their faces. She glanced to the roaring mix of flame and smoke. The fire could backed up in the recycler line running under that crappy shuttle. The shrapnel from a shuttle explosion would kill everyone. Maybe that was preferable to them losing the ship and the shard. Her hand strayed to her back pocket. Anchor's eyes followed the movement.

"You do have it. Give it to me."

He put his hand out. Shepard reached into her pocket. As she pulled out the shard, her fingers brushed against her waistband. She still had that pistol. With her fat fingers and Anchor armored, she'd only get one shot before he kill her. She held the shard in her hand. Blood dripped off his gauntlet as he stretched his fingers out. He hesitated to take it from her. He was probably realizing taking it from her dead would be less risky.

"I have my cuffs. Put them on, you can live."

If she hesitated any longer, he'd just shoot her.

"My crew?" Shepard asked.

"I won't lie. No."

"Then, I agree."

Shepard lobbed the shard down the corridor opposite the roaring fire of the cargo bay. The shard ricocheted down the passageway swallowed in the dark. Anchor's eye flew wide, teeth grinding, as he snapped his gun up to her chest.

"I surrender," Shepard said hurriedly. "Give me your cuffs."

Anchor's nostrils flared. His eyes shifted to the dark passageway and back to her.

"Go get it."

His face reddened, breathing heavy and fast, but his gun lowered. He really would take her alive then.

"Not part of the deal."

His fingers squeezed around the butt of his pistol, face tightening into a bright red scrunch. Push him too far he'd just kill her, to hell with it, but she needed him mad enough to do something.

"Give me your cuffs. I'll wait for you to go find it," she said.

He lashed forward with the back of his glove. The flash of movement, and she caught his arm. His eyes widened as the shot exploded around the small space deafened her. His pupils dilated, face going blank. She released his arm, and it fell limply falling him crashed to the floor. His gun clattered on beside him. A bloody mist hung in the air. She clutched the pistol from her waistband in her left hand. The barrel angled up from her waist with a finger still tense on the trigger.

The ship shuttered. Shepard stumbled arms whirling to catch her balance. A low hum lit up buttons along the wall in front of her. Circuitry buzzed to life as lights blazing along the ceiling. A bright fluorescence bloomed in from the cargo bay. The beacon's release terminal beeped next to her with the glow of a loading screen. Someone had gotten the power back on.

Fire plumed in the bay still echoing with gunfire. The ship lurched, and air slipped under her feet with a sudden gradient. The gravity was fluxing. Shepard's tumbled back toward the cargo bay and grabbed for traction with her boots. Anchor's body slid into her before rolling into the cargo bay. Flames gushing up from the bay as the ship's gravity resettled. Shepard stumbled to her feet choking on smoke. She had to get the beacon released before the fire disabled it. Shepard stumbled to the beacon's terminal and punched through the programming. The button under the terminal's screen changed from red to green. Shepard smashed her fist down on it. A pop, and she heard the release.

Shepard rushed to the cloudy fluorescence at the entrance to the cargo bay. The ship slid and lurched underneath her again. She reeled forward caught herself on the edge of the doorway before careening into the flames. She coughed, eyes stinging, as the gravity reset. Her feet slipped as she stabilized on the floor. The gray outline of the shuttle loomed across from her with the fire climbing around it. If it ignited, the explosion's shrapnel would tear through everything in the bay.

She darted out through the flame and smoke. She ducked, holding her breath, and skimmed along the wall. The smoke thinned as the volume of gunshots and yelling overwhelmed the electrical popping and roar of flame. Two soldier silhouettes hurried to the elevator in front of her.

"He isn't coming. Let's go," one said.

It was Sable. The station soldier with him turned his head as he braked in front of the elevator.

"Shepard," he yelled.

"Shepard?" Sable whirled around raising his rifle.

Shepard stumbled back into the smoke but left the wall as bullets sprayed around her. She skimmed the raging heat by the shuttle and burst out. The bank of terminals in front of the elevator divided them as she dodged past. Bullets sparked on the consoles behind her.

"That was Shepard! Something happened to him then. Get the others, and we're going up."

She plowed deeper into the bay. Shapes moved in thin smoke out in the bay. Two armored forms returned fire as they rushed backward probably to reach the elevator. A group of shadows followed the two men and returned fire. Shepard planted her feet, heat at her back, and tracked the two men with her pistol. Her shot hit the closest soldier in his side. He yelled out and stumbled. The other soldier turned back and rushed to grab him under the arm. Shepard pulled the trigger again. Click. The clip was spent.

She charged the attackers with her Omni-Tool blade glowing. A voice, sounded like James, yelled out and the gunfire from the shadows stopped. The attacker held the other up in one arm. He saw Shepard and straightened. The rifle dropped from free hand, and he raising an open palm. The wounded one swayed and tossed his rifle to the side. He raised empty hands. Shepard skid to a stop in front of them.

"You and I then," Sable's voice said so quiet Shepard barley heard it.

The two forms at the end of the bay turned to the elevator. Shepard surrendered men's rifle away before whipping her head to the elevator. James and Cortez crashed through the smoke by her.

"They're getting away!" James coughed.

"They'll vent the bay," Shepard said darting to the elevators.

"Holy—" James launched after her with feet pounding behind her.

The two men rushed into the elevator. Sable jabbed a button by the door. They lifted their rifles and fired. James darted to the armory. Shepard ducked and rammed her shin into Cortez's toolchest. It didn't even rock so heavy with tools. The elevator doors closed off the rifle fire sliding shut. Shepard's heart pounded watching it narrow and stood. Dark energy glowed in her vision as the toolbox flared blue. It shot to the elevator with a swing of her arm. Tools rattled and crashed out as it caught the closing doors.

The blue energy disappeared. Sable rushed to shove the tool box from between the doors, but the doors were already opening. The box slammed down to the floor overturning and spilling out tools. Shepard caught James in the edge of her vision throw her something from the armory. She caught it, tore off the ring, and pitched it into the elevator. She dove behind the bank of terminals. It exploded. Tools pelted the terminal as shrapnel tore into the metal floor at her feet. Shepard popped up. The elevator swirled smoke under flickering lights. A bloody palm rested on the elevator's threshold not moving.

Shepard raced back to her men. The two surrendered station soldiers knelt with hands behind their heads. Tobin pointed a rifle at their backs. Cortez lay on the ground holding his side as red spreading across the floor. He must take a bullet when Sable and the other solider fired out from the elevator. Stofsky hunched over him as she slid to a stop over them.

"We need to vent the fire. We're going back up the ladder," Shepard yelled wetly tasting metal in her mouth.

James panted by her elbow. His eyes widened as she turned to him.

"Lola, your nose …"

Shepard touched her nose. Blood gushed over her fingertips, and she stumbled. James caught her elbow and steadied her.

"Lola …"

Something behind them exploded with a pop. The shock slammed into them to the floor shuttering through Shepard's chest. The fire was backing up in the recycling line under the shuttle. A roar of heat and smoke, and the floor heaving under them. Shepard pushed up to her feet. It exploded again, and she braced.

Time stood still. She stared around feeling every breath, every blink, every heartbeat. James's head turned to her eyes eye rounding. The others raising their heads off the floor. Out of the smoke and fire, like a wraith, the shuttle hurled toward them. The roar of building pressure deafened her as light bursting out through the shuttle's seams. Throw from the duct's explosion, it was igniting. It eclipsed the blaze behind. Their eyes widened, mouths open, as the men pushed themselves up to run. Too late.

Shepard set her feet, and it slammed into her palm flaring blue. She stumbled back straining forward against it as dark energy enveloped the shuttle blooming in orange and red. She spread her fingertips gritting her teeth as shockwaves slammed into her body. Heat and flame rolled under the veil of blue as it flared with light. Nerves burst through her body as her teeth clenched almost to shattering. Air squeezed tight in her lungs as pain hemorrhaged through her chest and stabbed up her neck.

She shuddered pressing her burning palm harder against the erupting shuttle. Sheets of metal imploded and shrieked as they pulled tighter in her trembling barrier. The shuttle tipped backward. Pain erupted behind her eyes, splintered through her bones, her vision erupting in white. The barrier shattered. Metal and heat imploded in a shockwave of thunder and fire. Shepard flew backward. Her head slammed against the floor. Her vision dimmed, breath escaping through her lips as the world hung suspended. Each blink. Each breath. Each heartbeat. Emptiness.


End file.
